SUNDAY FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Lifestyles of the Rich of Heart and Famously Strong-Willed - The DV Walking Wounded:

Sundays, I ponder A LOT…doing a lot of soul searching and working on myself. It’s funny how the Lord has a way of popping things from your past into your present thoughts.

Yep, those are my feet in the picture…just showing off my thrifting prowess. I thrifted $80 sandals for $6 at the Goodwill. I love finding things that are popular and seeing what all the hype is about, without spending mass amounts of funds (that I don’t even have) to achieve a fashionable look. These sandals are super comfy and rugged, so I see why people like them! Nice! Score for Laura! I will wear them until I wear them out!

There are some trends that I like and I get, and there are some that I just absolutely DO NOT. I don’t do this to look rich or something I’m not. I want to dress nicely and professionally (and for my age, somewhat), BUT I do not do this to present myself as something that I am not, nor ever will be, nor wish to be. I want people to be around me because of ME…not what I’m wearing or driving, but solely on my own merits. I wear comfortable, clean, and presentable clothes. Period. As a result of this, my circle stays small and managable. It makes for having to buy less gifts during the Christmas holidays too…

Let me explain why I am like this. I know my readers know that I give everyone a fair chance and DO NOT bully. I was oppressed for most of my adult life by the abusive husband I WAS married to (but am no longer). I have a love for humanity and show kindness and love, as Jesus urged us to do. However, I have honestly been like this since I was a young child. I just had to detox my soul and get back to it!

I was born into a middle-class, loving family. My parents have always been kind, Christian, stand-up people. However, when I was eight, my father got an excellent job in Iowa, which included a country club membership as a perk through his company. I believe that his company did this for networking purposes, but whatever it was, we went out every few weeks to dine at the country club. The members there were VERY well-to-do, while we were okay and struggling, but still good. It was a small town and everyone knew everyone else’s business. Some of these rich, fake people became well acquainted with my family. As a child, I guess my young innocence saw these people for the ungenuine people that they really were, not the stunning facades that they wore. I was polite and respectful and quiet, as I was raised to be, but I couldn’t help but think these people were not “of God,” but “of sloth”…I was disgusted, but could not communicate with my parents as to why. I just knew I dreaded dressing up to go to dinner for people to serve us expensive food and be fake to us. I would’ve rather been sitting in my t-shirt and jeans, eating grilled chicken and broccoli-cheese-rice casserole around our worn family dinner table than to be dining with Stepford people. Dining in the comfort of my own home, with people around me that loved me — now THAT was fine dining! I don’t blame my parents, at all, for immersing us in this lifestyle for a bit. I honestly think they thought that it would help set us up for success later. It did, but not in a way that I think they expected. It reinforced the “not judging a book by its cover” attitude that they taught me.

I also watched catty women belittle my Mother’s existence. I watched my Mom put together these elaborate “ladies teas” and try to impress women that should’ve been clamoring to impress HER. My Mom was the kindest, classiest lady there, who would do anything for anyone who needed help or support. I watched these women be nice to my Mom’s face, but talk about how everything was “terribly tacky,” that we had, or how they could tell my Mother made the food herself and should’ve “hired it out.” They’d talk in front of me, like I was an infant and couldn’t understand them, which just made me loathe them more. I had watched my Mom slave away for hours and hours (and I helped her, of course) to impress people who disliked her. I won’t say they hated her, because hate has to have some prior love and care in there, but they disliked her because she wasn’t ONE OF THEM. Thank goodness she was never like this! Her riches were in her family, with us being her finest jewels.

I also watched these superficial ladies’ husbands shake my Dad’s hand and slap his back, because of what he did for a living, not for whom he was. He and my mother were teammates in parenting us, they were active in the church, they were active in all of our activities. Those men should’ve just been proud to shake my Dad’s hand simply because he was and is amazing! Not because of his position in a company or his ability to golf…simply through the strength of his character and his fair leadership to those he supervised. Those fake families, as it turned out, were full of nannies, extra marital affairs, therapy, alcoholism — nothing wholesome at all, thus turning out more generations of fakeness and entitled behavior and despair.

When I was a teen, I was a tad bit rebellious and wanted the best of everything — I mean, WHO DOESN’T??? However, I came back around when I would get snubbed by the popular teenage girl group at school because I couldn’t maintain their style, or got my heart broken by a guy I had a crush on because I didn’t look like a super model. My Dad, in his simple wisdom, urged me to not chase others. That those un-worthy people should want to be MY friend and fit in with me, if they were truly worth anything…and to never settle. I had to find my tribe, and that is where I would find true love and friendship. He was SO right!

During my entire school career, I was nice to everyone. I didn’t hang with a particular crowd, so I actually got a reputation for being fair and steady. I was known by everyone in my graduating class, for being real and unbiased. I am glad that my classmates saw me that way…in hindsight, I think that my abusive Ex saw me as an easy mark because of these traits. He did have to do quite a lot of work to impress me. but snakes can be pretty relentless and aggressive. However, once he got his claws into me, I’m pretty sure I became a Barbie doll at that point.

I have to say, after surviving abuse, I have: created better boundaries, stopped being such a people pleaser, and cut-off people and situations that didn’t serve me. I have to agree with this quote from Tupac:

I do not wish bad or ill-will on anyone. It took me a good while, but I believe that I got back to how I was raised. I don’t mess with free will, because people will show you exactly how they feel about you. I beg no one for anything. I work hard for what I have. I appreciate everything that I have, because it is by the Grace of God. I share what I have with others. I help others and expect nothing in return, but to set them on their way. I almost had to be like Julia Roberts character in Runaway Bride, where she had to discover how she liked her eggs, what she wanted to do with her life, and that she had her own identity. That was HARD! After DV, I had to rediscover myself and what I liked, not be a chameleon to appease other. Finding my voice was another major milestone, which I think contributes to resiliency and strength of heart.

Love and light! You don’t have to be rich and famous to be loved! Just love you and your life…if there is something you don’t like, change it! <3