Tears in Bethany

**Disclaimer: Originally appeared in RB Times God Talks Column**

The story of the woman with the alabaster flask, who anointed Jesus’s feet with the spikenard and wiped them with her hair, stirs my heart each time I read it. 

It’s the same with the woman with the issue of blood—who could do nothing more but reach out trembling hands towards the hem of the only One Who could truly heal her.

I read these stories and do my best to put myself in that place—because I long for that kind of faith.

As I’ve gotten older, faith has become more than just a word to use to define my beliefs. In Hebrews, it’s describe as “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (11:1). 

I read the testaments of men and women throughout the Bible; the martyrs, missionaries and ministers, and my heart is left in an uproar, once again. How did they give up families, lives, and wealth, for faith such as this? How could their assurance surpass their doubt?  

How is anyone ever so sure? 

I long for the faith that causes me to weep tears on a hot afternoon because of my nearness to the Savior; or simply reach out my hands because I can’t even stand to ask for what I need.

I long to have eyes that see beyond what light and color can illuminate and to have ears that not only hear, but actively listen and obey.

I pray to have a heart that is not blindsided by the influential opinions of a society that cares more about self than it ever will about God; to know with utmost certainty that the Bible is true and Jesus is exactly Who He says He is and I am fully known and fully loved.

And maybe you do too.

The price we pay for the tears in Bethany is, I believe, time spent with Jesus. Nothing or no one else will give us the endurance to believe through the dry seasons that thirst for proof. The few minutes we spend at the beginning of the day may be precious and holy; but is it enough to combat the messages, lies, and distractions that tear our focus from the Holy One Himself? 

We must be so saturated in the Word so when the world tries to saturate us, we are already too filled to soak up anything else. 

But what if the aching dissatisfaction, what if the uncertainty and doubts, remain? What if, even after attempting to pour everything we are into both receiving and having faith, we doubt that this is the right kind of faith? What if our questions linger and can never be answered because what if presses in louder and longer than the holiest desires of the soul? 

Questions can always be counteracted. 

What if the ache for faith, even among the doubts and dissatisfaction, could be evidence that God is pulling you toward Him?

Even the eyes that saw Jesus in the flesh, with pierced hands and side, still doubted. What kind of proof does one need in order to be convinced? 

Having proof would not be having faith. 

And faith is what God requires. 

Faith is more than facts that are black and white, relationships that look like everything else, and phenomena that makes perfect sense. 

Faith is not the absence of doubt. 

Faith continues to believe, even in the midst of doubt. 

Writer of all the things~My goal is to create, share and tell people about the overwhelming, amazing love of Jesus. View all posts by mckennajh