Keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer- Romans 12:11b-12 NASB

Hurt and betrayal happen in this life.

Both are the sad but predictable outcome of living life in a fallen world (Genesis 3:16-19, Romans 5:12, John 16:33). 

Perhaps the most crushing hurt is the kind that occurs due to a personal betrayal. A personal betrayal can be defined as an event where someone we love and/or trust to do right by us does us terribly wrong. Infidelity, meanness, a falling-out, slander, deception and breaking a confidence are all common forms of personal betrayal.

  The biblical patriarch Joseph (Genesis 37-48) is the biblical poster child for surviving a nightmarish personal betrayal. Among a bunch of other personal calamities Joseph’s own brothers sold him into slavery.  There is no rational justification for their behavior.  Joseph was young and a bit full of himself, but he didn’t do anything awful enough to warrant that kind of treatment.  His brothers were just jealous jerks who lacked impulse control and basic human decency. Joseph’s story is a tough one to read but it gives us with a blueprint for dealing with the pain of betrayal in way that makes space for God to do big things in us and the people around us. In order to survive a personal betrayal, we must:

Do what God puts in front of us to do- 

Joseph could have become an angry person; he had every reason to be. He could have allowed his hurt, anger and depression to harden into bitterness and hate (Hebrews 12:15). No one would have blamed him. He could have curled up in a ball (metaphorically speaking) and just kind of tapped out of life. That reaction would have made sense. He didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he did what God put in front of him to do and he did it all really well (Colossians 3:23).  By making that hard choice, he prevented all the above-mentioned issues, and he changed the course of human history. Most of us will not do anything as historically dramatic as Joseph did. However, we will avoid bitterness, hate and depression if we choose to invest in our relationships, look for the good and honor God in whatever work He gives us to do in the midst of a betrayal. 

Understand the nature of the situation- 

In a very real sense, every betrayal is deeply spiritual (Ephesians 6:10-12). God does not cause people to betray us (Romans 5:12, 1st John 1:5, James 1:13, Romans 8;28). That said, personal pain is one of those things God will use for our good (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28) and Satan wants to use for our destruction. In the aftershock of a personal betrayal the enemy will swoop in and whisper that God allowed this awful thing to happen because God doesn’t really see us or love us. The enemy will work overtime to get us to turn away from the only one who can truly give us the help and comfort we need in our deepest pain (2ndCorinthians 1:3-5).  When we understand the spiritual battle at the root of every betrayal it makes it easier to run towards God instead of away from Him (Psalm 17:6, Psalm 30:11). 

Choose to hold on to your integrity- 

Anytime we experience deep pain or loss it’s normal to want to give into fleshly responses like lust, unforgiveness and revenge. This can even morph into a feeling that we are somehow entitled to sin in whatever manner we choose. If we give into temptation our character will wither and nothing good or life-giving will come out of our trial (James 1:12).  Joseph understood this reality. When the opportunity to find consolation in illicit sex came his way, he ran (Genesis 39, 2nd Timothy 2:22). When he was forgotten by a man who owed him a huge favor, he overlooked the offense (Genesis 40, Proverbs 19:11). When he had the opportunity to extract revenge, he blessed those who sold him into slavery (Genesis 45, Romans 12:19). Choosing to hang onto our integrity in the darkest of times gives God space to bless us both in the middle of the mess as well as in the long-term (Genesis 39:19-23, Genesis 41).

Feel out opportunities for reconciliation when they arise- 

Not every betrayal will end in joyful reconciliation (Genesis 45). People don’t always change and as a result reconciliation is not always possible or even wise.  However, it is critical we do what Joseph did and feel out the opportunities for reconciliation when they present themselves, but we need to do it wisely. In what can only be described as a very weird series of events Joseph kept his identity secret and tested his brothers. He gave them a series of tests and then carefully scrutinized their behavior to see if they had changed enough to make reconciliation realistic and healthy (Genesis 42-44). Like it or not, forgiveness is a requirement in a betrayal (Matthew 6:15) reconciliation is not. That said, we are never more like God than when we forgive and then reconcile with people who have wronged us (Matthew 5:48). Therefore, it should almost always be considered. 

And finally, 

We must choose to allow God to work on us and in us in the midst of the betrayal. Betrayal is a given in this life. We live in a fallen world inhabited by sinners. That being said, we get to choose what comes out of us when we are betrayed. We can choose bitterness and hate, or we can choose to let God work in us and on us.  If we choose to let God mold us we will come out of it something beautiful the Father can and will use for His glory (Isaiah 61:3-4).