girl with if birds in hair

woman with if birds building a nest in her hair

If you’d rather listen, great! You can hear this post now at the JoyfullyPressingOn podcast.

I cannot keep the sparrows from flying about my head, but I can keep them from making a nest in my hair.  

—Martin Luther

It could have been that the storm and power outage last night disrupted my sweet dreams. Or maybe they only revealed me at my REM sleep worst. It might have been that glance at a Facebook friend enjoying something that I wish that I had right before bed. It might have been that.

Or it could have been a flaming arrow from the devil. Scripture says that’s real.

Whatever the case, I woke up in a real funk this morning. Anxiety, sadness and—the worst±—self-pity pressed hard on my chest. The sparrows were flying about my head. The If-birds.

Fight On

So what did I do?

I waged war. Apostle Paul called it the good fight of faith. I described that fight in detail, blow-by-blow, here. It looked the same at 6 AM in bed this morning. I took up the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God, and talked back to myself.

For example, to the if only I had made different choices earlier life, I would have had different social connections and different opportunities today, I defied, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.”

I must fight this way when self-pity sneaks up and I get restless, discontent.

Because discontent, I’m afraid, is a sin. Even, someone said, “a hellish sin.”

In other words, for me to have stayed the way I woke up today would have put me in grave danger. To let those If-birds nest would mess with my head. So I fought back. I pushed back against those words I don’t want stuck in my head.

“If only’s” drive out living hope with dead regret. 

If only’s are some of the sneakiest in Satan’s vast arsenal. They are joy-taking, grumpy-making words. If we let them nest, they’ll paralyze our spiritual lives.

Lethal Meditation

Here’s where it gets interesting. Because after I read that envy and self-pity arousing post last night, I read from my nightly devotional. It was one of those I marked up quite a lot. Here it is, italics mine,

If we listen to our self-love, we shall estimate our lot less by what it is, than by what it is not; …and, comparing it only with imaginary lives, shall indulge in flattering dreams of what we should do, if we had but power; and give, if we had but wealth; and be, if we had no temptations. We shall be forever querulously pleading our difficulties and privations as excuses for our unloving temper and unfruitful life; and fancying ourselves injured beings, virtually frowning at the dear Providence that loves us…

J. Martineau*

Then I fell asleep.

But the enemy would love us to be stuck in that rut with a nest of If only’s on our heads. He’d love our If only’s to stink up the present and extinguish our life-giving hope.

When we dwell on how life would have been better if we had only known this or done that, we let those dirty birds to nest in our hair. Our if only’s are a form of meditation—a lethal, joy-stealing sort of meditation.

How to Keep the If-Birds From Nesting

It’s all comes back to focus. Do we fix our mind’s eyes on Jesus?

It is funny how mortals always picture us putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out…Whenever they are attending to the Enemy Himself we are defeated, but there are ways of preventing them from doing so. The simplest is to turn their gaze away from Him towards themselves.

C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, Letter IV

The simplest is to turn their gaze away from Him towards themselves. My foul morning mood was playing into the true enemy’s hands. My sadness and anxiety were born of self-pity, and self-pity means my focus was on me.

If only’s misplace our focus off the faithfulness and love of our all-wise God to how things would have gone—in my imaginary life—if I were god. They keep us stuck on what cannot be undone and excuse us from doing what we ought to do, even from obedience. Beware of letting if rationalize your discontent.

Know the word of God. Fight with truth. And don’t let those If-birds nest.

In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  

—Ephesians 6:16-17

* I do not agree with or endorse all of J. Martineau’s teachings.