The end of something Good and the beginning of something beautiful

We sent our boy off to Army basic training roughly a month ago, and I wrote about it on my social media page. In my social post, I explained my feelings as I watched him disappear among the crowds: I knew that life would never be the same. Something ended, and something began. I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but I felt it.

I was witnessing the end of his childhood.

At some point during this last month, after many hikes and lots of thinking, I realized what I had felt that day he left us: the end of his childhood and my control.

I know he will be 20 in January, but he’s still my son. He’s been home all of this time, and I’ve had some measure of control, but the moment he walked through TSA, he became a man. He no longer had his mom around to cook him dinner, ensure he took his vitamins, and remember all the things teenage boys quickly forget. He will learn now by trial and error, and Mom won’t be there to buffer his mistakes.

Of course, in reality, his adulthood began a few years ago. But to a mom (Moms, you get this), they’re always your child. You’ll forever look at them and see some version of them as a child that no longer exists except in your mind and the thousands of pictures you took. This version of my son boarded a plane, and the new version walked out. The boy I nurtured, cheered on, taught, corrected, and loved is now the man I have purposed to raise for nearly 20 years.

Something beautiful has begun.

No, he is not entirely who he is meant to be, but something beautiful has begun—my son’s manhood and purpose. The design God has laid out for his life is being realized, and something has to end for this to start.

Today, I learned that this new purpose has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him and God. I raised and guided him; now I must step out of the way and let his father in heaven take the reins.

This fact leaves me in awe of a good and loving God because I see my faith made visible in this tiny way, and it’s just a glimpse of what will be. With the letting go and ending, there is a beginning—the beginning of what I have been praying for years:

I am seeing the man God has seen all along.

Until my son walked out of my arms and into the great unknown of his future, I hadn’t realized that I was witnessing a new, beautiful, God-driven, God-given thing. I’ve been so focused on what was ending that I forgot about what was beginning. Through my tears, I can see how some good things must end for God to begin better and more beautiful things.

Being my son’s mom and remembering his childhood will be some of my favorite memories and moments forever. But watching him become the man God intended him to be is so much better. I never thought I would say this, but here I am; I can’t wait to watch where he will go and what God has in store for him, even if it’s nothing I would have ever chosen. I have a peace that I’ve never had before in parenting because I know that Jesus is with my boy, directing his steps wherever he goes and in whatever he does.

Today, I am grateful for the endings and beginnings in life.

I know not every ending is good, and not every beginning is beautiful—there is a portion of pain in most endings and even some beginnings. But I know God finds us, walks with us, and loves us best in the things that hurt, change, end, and begin.

Sometimes, we hold so tightly to the ending that we miss the beautiful beginning just around the corner. I pray today that we’ll look past the ending and see what God has in store over the horizon.

Friend, he is with us in every ending and every beginning.

---

As always, friend, thank you for stopping by,