The Privileged Life: Marks of a Good Mentor, Part 3 (In Friendships)

“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)

All good mentoring relationships either start with friendships…or they turn into friendships. 

I’m blessed to have an abundance of Christian friends, from our church and community, from nearby and across the world. Within those overlapping circles are several special friends, however, who keep me accountable…friendships where we mentor each other as peers.

Let me tell you about one of those extraordinary friends, Mary Ellen “Mel” Miller.

Mel and I have been buddies since we met almost 20 years ago—when she was the editor of a local magazine and I did a little free-lance writing for her. What we discovered was that we had another friend in common—Jesus. 

Our faith in Christ launched our friendship, and we continued to seek each other’s fellowship and guidance even after we both went new directions. Mel is a very talented public relations professional and author. Her book, Fill the Dam Thing Up, chronicles her journey during the seven-year reconstruction of our local Boone Lake Dam; Mel served as the “face” of Tennessee Valley Authority to the anxious public. Her story is a great resource for those who want to know more about successfully managing communications for a major project or crisis.*

Mel and I have both launched books, handled PR campaigns, served as editors, and continue to handle writing assignments. However, it’s our partnership in prayer and support, especially for our roles as wives and moms in our respective families, that keeps us close. We can count on each other for advice on authoring as well as for prayer in parenting. As Proverbs 27:17 indicates, we “sharpen” each other.

My friend Mel and I make lunch appointments with each other for talking about author stuff, and we’ve also traveled together to The Cove (Billy Graham Training Center) for spiritual retreats. We frequently text each other our prayer requests. Mel’s been great to remember my birthday, too, with lunches at her home.

What’s great about our friendship is that it is equally rewarding for each of us—I find it very easy to be selfless in helping Mel because she’s so generous with her time and encouragement for me. We celebrate each other’s accomplishments!

How do you find a wonderful friend like Mel? A peer who can be a friend as well as mentor? Here are some possibilities:

Pray. I don’t recall praying for a mentoring friendship—God answered that need before I even voiced it to Him. But I recommend putting it on your prayer list…ask Him to provide.

Become the mentor you’d like to have for yourself. While you’re waiting, consider how you can prepare yourself spiritually. You don’t have to be a phenomenal Bible scholar or spiritual giant to be a good mentor. You just need to be a good friend. Cultivate character qualities like being a good listener, humble, sacrificial, cheerful, and available to have your life interrupted.

Look for someone who has an interest in your work. You’ll recognize, if you talk long enough with someone, how well you connect with that person’s expertise in a certain area. Find a peer mentor over common ground.

Ask around at your church. Ladies, seek out other women involved in church activities. Gentlemen, look for other men already serving the church family. You’re bound to find others who are dedicated to improving their own spiritual growth. And, take note of people who are known as prayer warriors. Those are the folks you want lifting up your own personal requests.

(Important note: Women need to limit themselves to mentoring other women, and men with men, regardless of married or single status. This caveat has nothing to do with competency or spiritual maturity…but everything to do with avoiding temptation or winding up in a situation that damages your reputation as a Christ-follower.)

If you’re interested in mentoring, please join me in praying that the Holy Spirit will ignite our hearts to hear His calling for this role. Pray with me that He will develop these skills and character traits in us. Pray that we will be salt and light not only in the outside world but also to our sisters and brothers in Christ.

Jesus, my Brother and Friend, guide me by Your hand into earthly friendships that nourish and challenge me. Make me the kind of selfless friend who is sought by others of integrity, by those who will benefit from my efforts to encourage them. Keep me ever aware of my need to glorify You in all of our interactions, and help me to serve You in word and deed through these blessed friends. In Your name I pray, Amen.

(P.S. It was hard to single out just one of my friends to feature as my example of a peer mentor. Several others came to mind, and I’ve featured some of them in past blogs. I hope no feelings will be hurt that I didn’t include others here…your time will come! I adore my dear friends, especially the ones who sharpen me!)

If you want to read my previous thoughts on mentoring, refer to these posts:

Nancy C. Williams is a Christian wife/mom with a writing career spanning more than 40 years in business and journalism. Williams is the author of the novel To Love a Falcon and the devotional book A Crocus in the Desert: Devotions, Stories, and Prayers for Women Experiencing Infertility. Her weekly blogs are featured on Crossmap.com. To follow Nancy’s posts and news, go to her home page at http://lightbournecreative.com and subscribe at the bottom. 

© Copyright 2024 Nancy C. Williams, Lightbourne Creative (text and photography) Unless otherwise noted, Scripture verses are taken from the New King James Version®, Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

#mentors #mentoring #discipleship #disciples #Jesus #mentorship #givingback #peertopeer 

*Mel’s book title is taken from the slogan on a popular T-shirt sold during the dam’s reconstruction…it became a rallying cry for the dam’s project engineers, geologists, and others interested in the lake’s resurrection.