The Privileged Life: The Sisterhood of Faith—Keeping Friends

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up [her] companion.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, modified)

When I was a Girl Scout, we sang a little round with these words: “Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.” 

It’s true. Friends are precious treasures we cherish and keep close to our hearts. The longer we know our “jewel” friends, the more brightly they sparkle in our lives.

When two men are friends, it’s often pretty uncomplicated. They meet for a golf game or go hunting together, with conversations that only occasionally go beyond the activity of the moment.

Friendships among Christian women, in contrast, are more typically based on exchanging our feelings and thoughts. We delve more deeply into problems and issues during long chats over coffee, walks, or housework. We share our innermost trials with our closest buddies, knowing they will lift up our problems in prayer.

Because we become more involved in each other’s lives, things can get messy at times. Our feelings are closer to the surface, which means that we can be quickly bruised. It’s easier to retreat than develop the good listening skills and acceptance that are essential to female relationships.

In situations involving your own heartaches, remember what it is like to be on the outside looking in. “It may help you forgive a friend’s insensitive comment if you consider that the friend is also stunned by your devastation,” said Elizabeth B. Brown, author and teacher. 

“He or she is unsure of what is best to say or do and wants to be there for you in your difficult time. Without a doubt, your friend would also wonder how he or she could possibly handle such a tragedy. Sure, the friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who shies away.”¹

How do we keep our friendships intact and flourishing, when obstacles or hurt feelings get in the way?

Your first tactic is to focus on your priority—to love your friend, no matter what. If your friend is tolerant of your weaknesses, selfishness, and other foibles, you need to be patient with how they respond to your problems. 

Your second tactic is to recognize that your friends are going to also occasionally feel awkward around you, not knowing what to say, not knowing whether they should hang out with you or give you space. Be honest with them. Ask them for patience, forgiveness, and transparency. Ask them to pray for you.

Your third resource is to actively embrace joy. This means releasing any deeply held resentment and forgive your friend. You will find such relief when you do.

You keep your buddies when you keep their secrets, keep listening, keep your own feelings in check, and keep working at the friendship. True friends, rooted in common faith in Jesus Christ, are the ones who help each other—when one falls, the other is there to pick up the pieces (Ecclesiastes 4:10). 

Scriptures also teach that real friends challenge each other in their walk: “As iron sharpens iron, so a [woman] sharpens the countenance of [her] friend (Proverbs 27:17, modified).” A Christian friend walks beside you, won’t leave you to flounder in despair, gently shares the truth, and encourages you to seek God’s will for your life. Thank Him for these friends.

Your friends need you to be a godly friend, too. Like Anne and Diana in the Green Gables series, or Woody and Buzz Lightyear in the movie Toy Story, you’ll have your ups and downs—but you’ll still find that good friends are one of God’s greatest blessings here on earth.

Pray to the Friend above all friends, the One who carries our loads faithfully, the One from whom all good gifts come, including friends. He is the Third Cord in the strands of our friendship ropes. Ask Him to give you the kind of friends you need, and rely on Him to make you the very best friend you can be.

“What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!…

“Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

“Are we weak and heavy-laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—take it to the Lord in prayer.

“Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.” 

By Joseph M. Scriven, 1855 

❦ ❦ ❦

Jesus Christ, our Friend in joy and sorrow—bless me with friends who will walk beside me in my faith journey with You. Help me to cultivate friendships, old and new, among women who will enrich my life and whose lives I can bless. When I feel as if my friends have forgotten me, remind me that You will never leave me or abandon Your friendship with me. Remind me to pray for my friends and their needs, and call me to rejoice whenever I see You answer those prayers. If my friends, speaking the truth in love, give me advice or offer constructive criticism, do not let me become disheartened or angry. Remind me that I am a sinner, too, and fill my heart with forgiveness. Shape me into the kind of friend who attracts other friends through fragrant words and heartfelt deeds. Thank You for Your friendship and love! In Your sacrificial name, Amen.

Nancy C. Williams is a Christian wife/mom with a writing career spanning more than 40 years in business and journalism. Williams is the author of the novel To Love a Falcon and the devotional book A Crocus in the Desert: Devotions, Stories, and Prayers for Women Experiencing Infertility (this blog is adapted from this devotional book). Her blogs are featured on Crossmap.com.and Arise Daily. To follow Nancy’s posts and news, go to her home page at http://lightbournecreative.com and subscribe at the bottom. 

© Copyright 2024 Nancy C. Williams, Lightbourne Creative (text and photography) Unless otherwise noted, Scripture verses are taken from the New King James Version®, Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

#friendship #sisterhood #friendsinChrist #friendsinJesus #makefriends #keepfriends #anneofgreengables #woodyandbuzz

¹Elizabeth B. Brown, Standing Up When Life Falls Down Around You (Grand Rapids: Revell, 2016), p. 142.