Wanting it all back to "normal" - Divorce Minister

Skip to content

18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.

19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

-Isaiah 43:18-19, KJV

When the news broke for me, I remember driving on the highway and wanting “it all to go back to normal.”

The problem with this is that there is no going back. The only options are to remain stuck or to move forward with a new life. Back to “normal” is not an option our cheaters give us.

They blew up “normal” with their infidelity and decision to leave us.

I know that is a brutal truth to digest. However, the sooner we accept this awful reality, the sooner we will be able to deal with the dark realities surrounding it.

We won’t be vulnerable to undignified displays for the cheater. Plus, we will be less vulnerable to manipulation both by the cheater and those who are of the “never divorce” crowd.

I understand how hard it is to let go of that “normal” vision.

But it is a mirage. You need to let it go for it is gone (and may never had existed in the first place, sadly).

The more we walk in reality–however hard–the healthier we will be as we are walking in truth. This is the spiritual secret to health. It is hard but necessary.

*A version of this post ran previously.

Post navigation

Give

Subscribe to the Daybreak Devotions for Women

Be inspired by God's Word every day! Delivered to your inbox.


More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    A hug, not a kiss - Divorce Minister

    “Goodbye in her eyes” by Zac Brown Band It wasn’t a kiss. It was a hug. We had just finished our dentist appointments. She had forgotten that she had made joint appointments. I had already confronted her about the Other Man about two weeks prior. She was still lying about him and still denying adultery. … Continue reading "A hug, not a kiss"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Yes "....at just the right time" - Divorce Minister

    You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. -Romans 5:6, NIV “At just the right time” I think we are conditioned as a species to think the “right time” is when we are able to “save ourselves.” We think that is when a partnership with God is appropriate. … Continue reading "Yes “….at just the right time”"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Cheater Still Blaming Spouse - Divorce Minister

    “Sure, I cheated in the past. But I sorted that with my individual therapist. We agreed my emotional affair was really just a symptom of my marriage problems,” says Cheater. So much of the pastoral or other Christian counseling is biased towards “saving” the marriage. This bias can lead to the pastor glossing over a … Continue reading "Cheater Still Blaming Spouse"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    A Powerful Quote About Trauma - Divorce Minister

    This past week I was blessed to spend time up at a cabin in Northern Minnesota. It was a wonderful time of memory making and relaxation with family. When I was driving back home yesterday, I was listening to an audio book. In particular, I am going through When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your … Continue reading "A Powerful Quote About Trauma"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    Expectations: Model Christian Divorcee - Divorce Minister

    “’I am innocent, but it makes no difference to me— I despise my life. Innocent or wicked, it is all the same to God. That’s why I say, ‘He destroys both the blameless and the wicked.’” -Job 9:21-22, NLT Ever noticed the pressure among Christians to talk about “our part” when our marriages end in divorce–even … Continue reading "Expectations: Model Christian Divorcee"

    2 min read

Editor's Picks

More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    A hug, not a kiss - Divorce Minister

    “Goodbye in her eyes” by Zac Brown Band It wasn’t a kiss. It was a hug. We had just finished our dentist appointments. She had forgotten that she had made joint appointments. I had already confronted her about the Other Man about two weeks prior. She was still lying about him and still denying adultery. … Continue reading "A hug, not a kiss"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Yes "....at just the right time" - Divorce Minister

    You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. -Romans 5:6, NIV “At just the right time” I think we are conditioned as a species to think the “right time” is when we are able to “save ourselves.” We think that is when a partnership with God is appropriate. … Continue reading "Yes “….at just the right time”"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Cheater Still Blaming Spouse - Divorce Minister

    “Sure, I cheated in the past. But I sorted that with my individual therapist. We agreed my emotional affair was really just a symptom of my marriage problems,” says Cheater. So much of the pastoral or other Christian counseling is biased towards “saving” the marriage. This bias can lead to the pastor glossing over a … Continue reading "Cheater Still Blaming Spouse"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    A Powerful Quote About Trauma - Divorce Minister

    This past week I was blessed to spend time up at a cabin in Northern Minnesota. It was a wonderful time of memory making and relaxation with family. When I was driving back home yesterday, I was listening to an audio book. In particular, I am going through When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your … Continue reading "A Powerful Quote About Trauma"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    Expectations: Model Christian Divorcee - Divorce Minister

    “’I am innocent, but it makes no difference to me— I despise my life. Innocent or wicked, it is all the same to God. That’s why I say, ‘He destroys both the blameless and the wicked.’” -Job 9:21-22, NLT Ever noticed the pressure among Christians to talk about “our part” when our marriages end in divorce–even … Continue reading "Expectations: Model Christian Divorcee"

    2 min read