Watching Your Health History Repeat Itself - The DV Walking Wounded:

It’s hard watching your family’s health history repeat itself…to be brutally honest, it’s damned difficult…especially when I went through that during active abuse!

My middle daughter is in the hospital right now with pneumonia and bronchitis; however, while they’re treating that and have already gotten on to her about vaping, they’re more concerned with her erratic heartbeat. It went as high as 192 bpm at the hospital, which scares me greatly. She’s a Mom herself. Now, she’s got a heart specialist and has to be on oxygen. The doctors had no idea what might be causing it, other than her body is panicking about limited oxygen, until I told them I had previously wrestled with supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) when I was approximately her age. I thought I was having a heart attack. She is now being monitored for that and it looks like it may very well be that. I DO NOT want that for her. AT. ALL.

I wrestled with SVT around the time I was about 28 and she’s about to turn 26 in a few months. It was during a time where I was working as much overtime as I could and I had two children in activities and school and I was trying to be everything to everyone, while their father would not help me with one thing I asked — so, I quit asking. I literally did it all, even for him. I actually stopped doing things for him and he showed his annoyance by making HUGE messes like a toddler. I was overweight at this time, because if I wanted to take anytime for myself, I was NOT allowed. If I just wanted a 30 minute walk at night, it was not allowed. “You might be sneaking off to cheat on me,” was his standard excuse. I tried limiting my eating, but then your body goes into starvation mode and seems like it packs on MORE pounds. I felt very hopeless at this time.

My parents were coming to visit us, at this time, and I had to take time off work to deep clean the house. I was frantic. Between the kids and him and what I let go to work, it was a mess. I remember nearly passing out a few times, because my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest, and then it would slow down to compensate. I had to lay down for 30 minutes, then I was fine to go again and keep cleaning. During one of my laying down episodes, my Abuser walked by me and told me to get up and quit being lazy. Of course I didn’t finish resting. I had to prove that I wasn’t lazy. The house got clean but I was exhausted.

During their visit, my Dad and I went about an hour away to a family reunion and met a lot of people. During this reunion, there was lots of yummy food, but I was not interested in any of it. I got that fainting feeling again and my chest hurt so badly I thought it was going to burst. I endured it as long as I could, then finally told my Dad that I had to leave — that I needed to go to the hospital. He rushed me to the hospital, and I was immediately hooked up with leads. I was evaluated for about four hours when the heart specialist came in and asked me about my lifestyle. This was the first doctor I was honest with. He informed me about SVT and that I needed to slow down and calm my lifestyle. My Dad sat with me the whole time and took in all of this information in. When we returned to my house, my Dad read my Abuser the riot act.

My Abuser feigned shock. “Oh my God, babe! I’m so glad you’re okay”

“You’d BETTER help my daughter,” my Dad warned. He wasn’t having any of my Abuser’s fakeness.

“Of course I will, sir! I don’t want anything to happen to my sweet girl!” my Abuser proclaimed. And the Academy Award goes to…

I ended up having to be off work for a week to rest, as well as going to a specialist, who fitted me with a Halter monitor. They were big and bulky then, so it was a total pain to be strapped with that thing. Did my Abuser help me any? No. However, I wasn’t my normal fastidious self and had to let things go or get my kids to help me, which they were more willing to do since my Abuser told them I had a heart attack. SVT is NOT a heart attack, but it’s held in the same regard as one. I had to take medicine that regulated my heart, so it made me sleepy and tired for the first few weeks, while my body got used to it. My Abuser was livid about my “laziness.”

“You promised my Father that you’d help me,” I reminded him

“You’re faking it,” he scoffed. “Plus, he can’t do anything to me being 450 miles away. He’s not here now, is he? You’re using this as an excuse to be lazy.” I’m really not sure how a person fakes a heart episode like that, or would want to.

I also had to lose weight, which I did by walking 30 minutes per night and limiting everyone’s portions. As the weight came off, I felt better physically; however, as it did, the accusations came about me “getting sexy” for someone else. Joining a gym was out of the question, so I walked nightly and did exercise videos when he wasn’t around (which was usually SUPER early in the morning, before everyone else got up). I upped my water intake and thankfully the weight came off and I was eventually taken off of the medicine.

This story started off about my daughter, which it is about her. She now has to be monitored and on oxygen, even as soon as she’s released from the hospital, which I DO NOT want for her, but we will do everything that we can to make sure she gets better. She’s overweight too, but we have to get her breathing and heart in check, before we can talk about getting fit. When I mentioned the SVT to the medical staff, she remembered it vividly, despite being a little girl at the time. This wasn’t a good memory for either of us, but I reminded her that I beat it and she could too, but that EVERYONE had to help. My child, her husband, and friends all agreed.

It’s just hard, as a mother to adult children, to watch one of your “babies” go through something similar to what you did. It’s hard watching your health history repeat itself. It makes you feel helpless as a mother, for sure. The struggle is real!