What are the silent killers of a perfect marriage

A couple holding each other’s hands. (Photo taken by Jasmine Carter from Pexels)

Is there such a thing as a perfect marriage? A perfect marriage is about two imperfect beings united by a perfect God, which means it is a marriage with flaws and acceptance.

However, can we possibly kill a God-designed marriage silently?

When we say silent killers, there are no apparent signs of something wrong in the relationship. Once it bursts out, it could end your marriage.

Moreover, marriages do not just fail because one partner or the other suddenly decides to stop respecting, communicating, and lovemaking. These happen as actions, often unconsciously, before the decision is made. 

In addition, silent killers of marriages are like viruses, unknowingly affecting your spouse without any symptoms until the outbreak seems to come from nowhere. 

What are the silent killers of a perfect marriage

High blood pressure is considered a “silent killer” disease because it usually does not have obvious signs. Many people think that they are fine until their blood pressure increases, which could lead them to heart disease, disability, or death.

The same is true with marriage. Some things could silently destroy our relationship with our spouse. 

We must be aware of some silent killers of marriage to protect our relationship.

Wrong concept of “perfect” ,arriage

A couple sitting under a tree. (Photo by Joel Santos from Pexels)

Many people think that a perfect marriage means a flawless relationship. They have set a high standard of what their home should look like and who their spouse should be.

Our assumptions rarely align with reality

There is nothing wrong with having our expectations, but when it does not make the same as our reality, we sometimes try to make it a command instead of adjusting our wants to meet our current situation. 

A spouse with higher expectations may only see their partner’s failures rather than appreciating all the efforts they are trying to improve their relationship and life together. 

It could silently kill your marriage while trying to meet assumptions that are not realistic.

More importantly, couples should understand that a perfect marriage is a Christ-centered relationship that focuses on thinking like Jesus to please God. 

A lot on your plate

A mother seems to be busy working while taking care of her kids. (Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels)

Many factors could distract our marriage, and we cannot even notice that these could be tools to destroy the relationship. For instance, our job, kids, in-laws, and bills are some things that could unknowingly kill our marriage. 

Some married couples who have been together for a long time only talk about problems with money and their kids’ behavior and forget about intimacy.

Also, if we were too focused on giving the best life for our family, sometimes we cannot have a work-life balance.

As a result, we do not notice that we do not have enough energy and time for our spouse. This factor could silently kill your marriage.

Rare or no communication

A couple appears to be having a conflict. (Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels)

Marital communication is a special kind of communication. Your purpose is to communicate openly with each other, not just facilitate the details of whose turn to take care of the baby, do the laundry, or cook dinner. 

Unknowingly, having a rare and intimate talk with your spouse could kill your marriage. It might lead one of you to cheat since they may find that intimacy with other people instead of you.

Give-and-take relationship

A woman seems to be opening a gift. (Photo by Any Lane from Pexels)

Most people would say that love is about give and take relationship. However, the problem with this setup is that we expect our spouses to give back what we did for them.

You may become increasingly unhappy and feel cheated when you get less than you believe you deserve.

Also, love is sacrificial in marriage, as we promised in front of God that you would be with the person for better or worse.

Love is about forgiving and giving without expecting in return, just as Jesus Christ thinks.

One factor that could kill your marriage is when we are counting the things you do for your spouse. Instead of appreciating their efforts, you focus more on your sacrifices, making you think it is unfair.

Not knowing the needs of your spouse

A family appears to be busy with their own stuff. (Photo by Keira Burton from Pexels)

If you are a mother, may you could also relate that our attention is more on our kids than our husbands. They need more attention than our spouses, and dealing with their needs is like an energy vampire that would leave you exhausted. 

Thus, you would not have the energy to spend time accommodating your husband’s needs. This factor could also be a silent killer in your marriage.

Our spouse also needs our attention and affection. 

On the contrary, if the husband is so busy working and being a father, he might not notice that her wife also needs help and affection.

Remember that you are first a wife and a husband before you have become a parent. I am not saying you must neglect your responsibilities to your kids and focus on your wife’s duties, but we should try to balance it as much as possible. 

Have a special moment with your spouse. You might have someone to look for your children for a few hours while you can go on a romantic date with your husband.

Doing things on your own

A woman appears busy on her phone while, a man seems focused on his laptop. (Photo by Kampus Production from Pexels)

When you start doing things on your own instead of doing things together with your spouse, you are making your marriage stagnant. For example, you try watching different movies simultaneously; one is holding her phone, and the other is watching on television. 

Although you are in the same room, you are far apart. Besides, when you do not talk or discuss something with your spouse because you are confident they would not understand, or it could only lead to a fight is another silent killer. 

Also, the isolation stage in marriage is when one decides to come home late or go to bed early because it is easier to escape than to sit through awkward silence or tension. 

If you and your spouse are already at this point, your one foot is in the grave and need some transformation for the marriage to survive.

Too comfortable

A couple seems to be having an argument. (Photo by Timur Weber from Pexels)

When you and your spouse are still dating, there are some things that you are shy to do in front of them out of respect, or you are afraid that they might not like it.

Still, when you get married, sometimes being too comfortable is a silent killer for your marriage.

Being overly familiar means you think you are close enough to excuse the obnoxious things while not allowing them to do those things to you. 

More importantly, over-familiarity is a kind of entitlement. When you or your spouse believes that you have the authority and right to do certain things because you think it is the best. 

For instance, they show behaviors or attitudes that lessen their confidence or self-esteem, such as yelling, judging, ignoring, teasing, and nagging.

Sometimes being too comfortable could lead us to disrespect our spouse and could silently kill their affection towards us. 

Thus, over-familiarity destroys more than 80% of all marriages that end in divorce. No one would like to stay in a marriage if they feel disrespected.

Deal with the problem before it is too late

Like any other disease, once you are diagnosed, you must do something to prevent it from getting severe. Marriage is more than a marriage contract; it is a covenant you have made before the Lord. 

To know how to make it work, you must know the problem’s root cause. Continue to pray for your spouse and marriage as you deal with the silent killers causing you pain and struggle. 

God will always be your help when you are willing to let Him be in control of your relationship. We just need to be humble in front of God and our spouse.

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Jepryll Torremoro

I am God's daughter who wanted to proclaim His goodness through writing. I believe that I am called to write for His glory. I am a Pastor's wife and has been serving in the ministry since I was young. As a writer, I want to share how God sustains me in my motherhood and in my marriage. Also, I want to discover more about Jesus and how I could be more like Him. Writing has become a platform for me to strengthen my faith and at the same time share it to others. It is my passion to serve God through maximizing my gift in writing.