What If Your Worth Was Never Meant to Be Defined by Marriage?
First, I absolutely love marriage. I agree that it is holy and should be respected and protected. However, I also believe that single people are holy and are just as worthy of being protected and respected.
To be “holy” simply means to be set apart by God. It can also mean to be set apart for a specific purpose. Singleness is a specific purpose for many, where God has intentionally set some apart for His work.
Despite this, many singles struggle with accepting their calling as single believers due to cultural pressures. At times, singles may not even be in touch with what their actual desires are. They may wonder: “Do I want to be married right now, or am I just seeking a partner to remove the stigma of singleness?”
Singles should ask themselves these questions to become self-aware of what they truly want, as they are the ones who must walk out the choices they make.
Where did the idea come from that singles must be married to be seen as “acceptable” within a Christian context? It certainly did not come from Scripture. God doesn’t place the extra requirements of men on us to be accepted by Him.
“They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” – Matthew 23:4 (NIV)
This Scripture refers to religious teachers who place heavy burdens on others but do not assist in carrying them. This is similar to how some people put down singles without lifting a finger to help them see their true worth.
This was never God’s will. God’s Word encourages believers to remain in the state they were in when they were saved. This doesn’t mean singles are required to stay single for life; it simply states that marriage is not a requirement for being acceptable to God.
Think of it like circumcision. In the early church, there was a division between Jews and Gentiles over whether circumcision—a Jewish tradition—was a requirement for salvation. We know now that it is not; just as marriage is not a requirement for being a “complete” Christian.
“Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so.” – 1 Corinthians 7:17–21(NIV)
Let me break that down. God doesn’t want us to change everything about our external circumstances just because we’ve come to Christ. He is mainly concerned with our obedience and keeping His commandments.
Singles aren’t required to marry, just as the uncircumcised aren’t required to become circumcised. In ancient culture, even those in bond-service weren’t required to separate from their masters. However, if a person’s circumstances changed and an opportunity for freedom arose, they were encouraged to take it. Similarly, singles should live a full, complete, and enjoyable life while remaining open only to the appropriate opportunities that present themselves.
Your Relationship Status Doesn’t Define You
Our acceptance before God does not increase or decrease based on our relationship status. Scripture makes it clear that these pressures come from man, not God. This is why Paul warns us not to be slaves to men, but to God alone.
“You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.” – 1 Corinthians 7:23–24 (NIV)
God is reminding us who we belong to. We have been bought with a price. Our full allegiance belongs to what God says, not what man says. Know your worth. It has nothing to do with your relationship status.
Allow yourself the freedom to enjoy walking with God until He brings you someone suitable—if that is part of your journey. And if not? That’s okay, too. Join our Safe Christian Singles Community Meet-ups.
