32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’

-Matthew 18:32-33, NLT

Jesus added burdens to the already overburdened victim or provided teachings to ease their burden?

I think it is the later. This is why most teachings on forgiveness fall short in my opinion.

Often, faithful spouses are pressured to “forgive” their cheaters. They are asked about this as the foremost issue by religious people who feign “concern.”

People doing this miss some key parts of Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness, though:

1. Godly forgiveness does not happen outside the context of mutually acknowledged debt.

You cannot cancel a non-debt. Forgiveness simply is nonsensical when one party remains convinced that they do not need forgiveness. Plus, they cannot repent as long as they remain in denial; therefore, they cannot receive the gift of debt cancelation–aka forgiveness–without first acknowledging the debt.

2. Jesus condemns those who refuse to extend mercy to those asking for mercy; Jesus does not condemn refusing to forgive the unrepentant.

So many of us have cheaters who refuse to acknowledge that they have wronged us or are in our debt because of their sinful behavior. It is not unbiblical to withhold forgiveness in these cases in my opinion. You are dealing with someone who is unrepentant and sees no need for your forgiveness.

Now, I would not recommend holding onto all the anger. We are to give the issue to God as far as the revenge or vengeance part (see Romans 12:19). So, we give God the debt and trust God to be good and just.