When Is It Time for Marriage Counseling? Look for These 9 Signs

Let's get real here: marriage is great, but more often than not, it's not a cakewalk. It requires effort, compromise, and plenty of tolerance. Even when things are going great, however, couples may find themselves in rough spots they can't shake without help. And that's completely okay! Considering marriage counseling is not a sign your marriage is failing; in fact, it's a sign that you care enough to find help making it better.

Considering whether counseling might be for you and your partner? Here are 9 signs that indicate it may be time to get a professional navigator involved.

1. Communication Has Fallen Apart

Do you get the sense that you're speaking at one another rather than to one another? Perhaps discussions become arguments in an instant, or perhaps you just steer clear of some subjects altogether. If misunderstandings are a way of life, or the "silent treatment" is a frequent visitor to your household, a counselor can assist you in establishing healthy communication channels.

2. The Fights Are Constant (and Go Nowhere)

All couples disagree, but if you're fighting about the same thing repeatedly with no resolution, it's a sign something deeper is stuck. Counseling can help discover the underlying reasons for repeated fights and show you healthier ways to disagree and reach common ground.

3. There's Been a Breach of Trust

Infidelity is a big one, but trust can also be damaged in other ways – lying about money, hiding habits, or unfulfilled promises. It is very hard to rebuild trust, and a third party who is not involved can offer a safe, structured environment to untangle the entangled emotions and begin the healing process.

4. You Feel More Like Roommates Than Partners

Has the flame died out? If your relationship is more functional than romantic, if you're not getting the kind of intimacy you crave (physical or emotional), or if you're basically living parallel lives under the same roof, counseling can assist you in finding ways to reconnect and recover that partnership feel.

5. You're Going Through a Big Life Change

Having children, dealing with an empty nest, career changes, moving, losing a loved one, or dealing with health issues – all these major life changes can place so much pressure on a relationship. You can work through these transitions with the assistance of a counselor and stay a team.

6. One (or Both) of You is Thinking About Separation

If the "D" word (divorce) or separation has come up, even in passing, it's a strong sign that your relationship is in trouble. Counseling offers an environment to openly discuss these emotions, get at what's driving them, and determine if the relationship can be salvaged before making permanent choices.

7. Your Sex Life Has Drastically Changed (or Disappeared)

Though libidos tend to vary, a sharp and ongoing decline in physical intimacy, or serious conflicts regarding sex, usually indicates deeper problems in the relationship – communication issues, resentment, stress, or emotional disconnection. A counselor can assist with these delicate issues.

8. You Keep Secrets From Each Other

Are you keeping purchases a secret? Texting someone your partner would not approve of? Not sharing your real feelings? While all people require some privacy, a pattern of secrecy undermines trust and intimacy. Openness and honesty are encouraged through counseling.

9. Something Just Feels "Off"

Perhaps you can't identify a single issue, but you just have this nagging sense that something's off. You're feeling disconnected, unhappy, or unfulfilled in the relationship. Trust your instincts. Therapy can assist you in sorting out these nebulous-but-vital feelings and determining what's missing or needs to shift.

Taking the Next Step

Seeing these signs isn't about blame; it's about seeing that your relationship may need some work. Seeking marriage counseling is a sign of strength and commitment, not weakness. It's an investment in the future you'd like to have together. If a few of these items sounded like something that has happened in your relationship, maybe it's time to have an honest discussion with your partner about considering this avenue.