When The Church Stops Loving The Church

While it’s not my intention to make this blog as a sort of “pouring out” of whatever seems to be on my heart (which isn’t healthy for you or me), I do intend to address certain issues that–as Christians–present themselves in our lives. Unfortunately, this topic is one of them. And as spiritual abuse seems to be a kind of recurring topic right now, I do want to grapple with this uncomfortable issue that has, unfortunately, become something of a common subject.

Honestly, it’s really something that’s been bothering me a while. I just don’t quite know how to address it.

For one thing, I don’t want my interpretation of what I think things should be to reflect on what God says they are. (If this doesn’t make sense, understand that I recently started studying the book of Romans; consequently, I’ve been digging deeper into my faith and doctrine and why I believe what I believe and ensuring that I am worshipping and loving the One true God and not my idea of God…so if any of this sounds a bit jumbled, my deepest apologies). It is my deepest conviction that anything I say or do reflects Christ. (Which, because of my sin nature, isn’t exactly possible. Despite this, we press on ((in the words of Paul).

I am writing from a place mixed of sadness, disappointment, and hope. I have searched God’s Word to try to understand what He says about this subject, but I know my own feelings will probably be thrown in anyway, so take from that what you will.

Now that my disclaimer is out of the way, my question is this:

When did the church stop loving the church?

Maybe I need to rephrase; but essentially, I’m asking: when did the brothers and sisters in the body of Christ stop loving one another?

Perhaps to say this is too harsh. Perhaps we haven’t stopped loving each other completely…but we’ve lost sight of who we are called to be.

But when did criticizing become an archetypal church custom?

When did we start talking about everybody, except Jesus?

When did we begin pouring into those young in their walks (or in walks that were nonexistent, in hopes of bringing them to Christ), but simultaneously neglect those who were walking right beside us?

People are people—that much is true. As I mentioned earlier, our sin nature forbids us from loving, working, and living without sin. We can try, but we will never achieve perfection and because of that, relationships within the church are less than perfect.

But the Lord emphasized greatly the love the body needs to have for each other:

Let us love one another (1 John 4:7).

Encourage and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Let us do good to everyone, especially those who are of the household of faith (Galatians 6:10)

Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24)

Sometimes it feels like the only things we’re stirring up in each other is bitterness and resentment.

While I won’t delve into stories of the past, I do recall the shame that forges after words burn ears and, metaphorically, carve letters into clothing. If we are called to love as Christ loved us, then our love should be unconditional. We can’t “pretend” to build up brothers and sisters and then start throwing stones if they walk a different direction.

How can we truly say we’re the body of Christ if our witness consists of pretending to love people when they’re good for our reputation, and then disowning them if they change their mind?

This isn’t consistency.

It’s not love.

And it’s most definitely not who Christ has called us to be.

I’ve been on both ends. Initially, I didn’t know what it meant to love as Christ does, and I’m still learning. I can’t begin to apologize for the ways I’ve claimed to love when really, my motives had to do with self-glorification.

And after experiencing the other end, I hope and pray I never again treat anyone in a way that is contrary to how Christ calls me to love.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been burned—physically or metaphorically–but the outcome is similar. The pain is real, hot, and irritating. After it happens, there’s not much you can do about it but sort of marvel at the hurt. As time goes on, the pain lessens, but the remains become scars that serve as reminders.

Which is why church can be a sore subject for some people. Why others unashamedly deem Christians as hypocrites. Why we ourselves may stop going for a time because the thought of going back to a building that crumbled with you still inside—or even yet, finding a new body of believers—is daunting and scary: what if the same thing happens?

It’s difficult to know what to do, and I still don’t know if I’ve found the answer.

What I can conclude is, if I am refusing to love the people that hurt me, then I am no better for doing to them what they’ve done to me, or what I’ve done to others in the past.

What is the solution, then?

I suppose my short answer would be to keep loving, just as Jesus did. It’s what He calls me to do, over and over and over. While it may not seem like it’s going to rebuild those burning bridges, I learned long ago that love is so much more than feelings. And truthfully, it’s not about us or what we feel like doing; it’s about obeying God because we love Him.

Today, the world seems to be more divided than ever. The church, especially, has struggled in maintaining unification. This is distressing. If the church can’t come together and agree and even love one another, how are we supposed to go out into a world and do the same?

And honestly, that’s what it comes down to. We aren’t supposed to love people because it’s easy and we feel like it. We are supposed to love our brothers and sisters in Christ because that’s what Jesus commanded of us. So that we can partner with our brothers and sisters and go out into all the world–as miserable and suffering as it is–to bring hope through the Gospel message.

Maybe you’ve heard that a hundred times. (I’m sure I have.) But clearly, we’re not getting it. If we were to stop and think what the church may look like five or ten years from now, is it going to be flourishing?

Or will it be hanging on by a thread?

Therefore, we must choose love. Every time. If we claim to be ambassadors for Christ, then we need to start acting like it.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

-Philippians 2:3 ESV