When You Feel Alone in Your Marriage

Bible

I’ve never lived alone. When my husband and I married in 1982, he had just graduated from college and I was still living with my parents. After a few days of honeymooning we loaded all of our belongings and moved to Texas, sight unseen.

I came from a family of 6, with two siblings still living at home, and had hardly been out of the state, or spent more than a week away from my family.

One of the benefits that comes from that type of uprooting is that you start your marriage with the prospect of growing closer as you depend on each other even more.

Here’s the danger:  it can be very easy for us depend on our husband to meet our needs, and in doing so, place all kinds of unrealistic expectations on him.

In thinking about how our relationship with our spouses can help or hinder our relationship with God, I have come to a few conclusions that may seem obvious:

1. HE IS NOT GOD. Your husband should be dependable, responsible and godly; however, he cannot and will not be perfect. Only God can fill that role. He alone can perfectly love us.  God can and will help us to grow in our love for each other if we will look to Him for wisdom and guidance.

2. HE IS NOT OMNISCIENT. (All-knowing) Your spouse cannot possibly know what you’re thinking. He can try to empathize or relate to your situation, but his perspective is often just not going to be the same. The closer you get to each other, the more you will learn to read each other and understand the differences in how you see things. God sees from an eternal perspective. He knows your past, your present and your future. Trust Him to meet you where you are.  HE KNOWS.

3. HE IS NOT OMNIPRESENT. (Ever-present) There is absolutely no way that he can always be there for you, physically or emotionally. Sometimes, he’s just not there to share in the experience, and cannot be expected to fully understand. Other times, he wants to be there for you, but his brain just doesn’t connect in the same way as your female brain… so even though he cares, he may not really get it… BUT GOD DOES–HE GETS IT.  He will go with you through the valleys and the peaks and He alone can comfort you and give you the joy and peace you are looking for.

4. HE IS NOT OMNIPOTENT. (All powerful) He’s human. There will be some things he.just.can’t.do.  Just because your father or his father knew how to work on cars or fix a toilet, doesn’t mean your husband can.  We all have preconceived ideas of what a husband should and shouldn’t do, but the reality is we need to lay those aside and allow our prince charming to be a regular guy and not superman. GOD’S GOT THIS. God gifted your husband uniquely–and you are a beneficiary of this man he has placed in your life. Pray for him daily.  Ask God to provide for your needs.  Often He will use your husband as a vessel of blessing for you, but ultimately your trust has to be in a POWERFUL GOD.

This week my husband and I celebrated our anniversary.  We didn’t do anything extravagant, but we did reflect on the blessing of a life-long partnership that is committed to loving God and loving each other.  I am so grateful to be married to this godly man.  Neither of us are perfect, but we ARE perfect for each other, and as we look forward to our remaining years together–however long God gives us–I am reminded again to put the Lord first.  His love is perfect and never leaves us alone.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7