Why I Am Pro-Guilt and Anti-Shame - Bravester
I am pro-guilt. I hate shame.
Guilt is different than shame.
Guilt is the Holy Spirit twinging you to do better. It is part trained conscious and a lot Holy Spirit. Guilt says, “here is your moment to make that virtuous choice.”
Shame is the monster that keeps you small. Shame is the fear of disconnection—it’s the fear that something you’ve done or failed to do, an ideal that you’ve not lived up to, or a goal that you’ve not accomplished makes you unworthy of connection.
Shame is not my friend. Shame is not responsible.
Shame feels comforting when I feel so helpless.
Shame does not make the situation any better.
Shame lies. Shame changes the truth of the story.
Shame survives by convincing me I’m alone. Shame tells me that I am unloveable.
Shame is exhausting because I have to keep up with the lies.
Shame prompts me to toss away the good gifts I am given.
Shame is never being enough so I thought I had the entitlement to do wrong.
Shame causes me to talk to myself in ways I would never talk to those I love and respect.
Shame loves to be that voice in my head repeating again and again that I am never enough.
Shame thrives in secret keeping.
Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.
I have a strong opinion about shame. I have lost too many friends to the “responsibility” of shame.
Shame beats you up. While guilt wakes you up.
Do you see why I am anti-shame?
Maybe this will help you see this. This is a Dr. Brene’ Brown practice.
There is a difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt = I did something bad
Shame = I am bad.
Guilt = “Great girl, really bad choice.”
Shame = “Bad girl.”
Do you see why I’m anti-shame?
Your sin does separate you from God. It puts a wall up that only Jesus can take down because he is the only one without sin. There is forgiveness available for you, always.
There is a popular teaching that God can’t stand sin, thus God can’t be in the presence of sin. It goes like this: God is holy and loving; you are a sinner; God hates sin and can’t be in sin’s presence; don’t worry, the cross brings good news because now the God no longer sees you but instead looks at Christ and his cross.
Surprisingly when Jesus came to earth he didn’t start puking everywhere because he was now amongst sinners. In fact, he is found with sinners. He was not disgusted by them but he ate dinner with sinners. He was found laughing in the presence of those who sin.
Of course, Jesus was upset by harmful systems which is why he called out the Pharisees. This is a justice issue, which means Jesus acts. You can’t have love without justice. (Think deeper about that.) Justice does not mean shame.
Your shame puts up a SECOND WALL. This wall we put up ourselves. This one keeps Jesus away. Those of you experiencing shame right now know this. You are doing everything you can so Jesus won’t look at you.
In the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned, Genesis 3:9 records, “The Lord called out to the man, ‘Where are you?’”
Where are you?
God wasn’t shaming them. God was looking for them. And he’s been looking for us ever since. God has arranged the universe to come close to you. Romans 10:11 says “As Scripture says, ‘Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.’” (NIV)
God does not use shame to pursue us. God is not insecure that he needs to use shame to “power over” us to call us back.
The guilt of what both Adam and Eve did was the guilt that caused them to hide. There was that twinge that we did something wrong. The shame came in their varied attempts to hide themselves further.
Do you see why I’m pro-guilt?
In your imperfect progress, may you listen to those guilty twinges more. Because I promise you, the movement of God is to make beautiful things. The signature mark of God is redeeming the shame.
Hello, beautiful.
