Dealing With Being Ghosted

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Some girls and women are zealous for a relationship and want to be in love with a man. There’s nothing wrong with this necessarily. However, it is important to keep one’s heart guarded at all times. Some women have a chronic crush on a man.

They would like to be with him and may continue to nurture the idea of being with him for a long time, even when he has shown them that he is not an option for them.

Even in the unhealthy relationships I was in I used to have a very hard time letting go emotionally even after the relationship had ended. There’s something about some of us women. We can become so emotionally invested in someone who is not as invested in us.

Sometimes, it is beyond a crush. A woman has already become involved with a man and it is hard for her to let go, even when he is suddenly no longer interested. Sometimes, one partner is a lot more invested in the relationship than the other partner is. This creates an unequal dynamic. There is an imbalance in power in that the person who is more invested is more vulnerable.

How does one deal with being ghosted? A woman is in a relationship. Things are going very well. She and her partner clicked. Things had been going strong ever since. Woo-hoo! Suddenly, out of the blue, he breaks off contact, disappears.

She is bewildered and wonders what on earth happened? What is wrong? Did something happen to him? Did she do something to “make” him break off contact? What could she have possibly done wrong? Things were going so well…or so she thought.

It is a fairly common scenario where there is a relationship on some level that seems to be going well, and out of the blue, someone is ghosted. This may happen to men or women. Some women may blame themselves.

They may think that their standards were too high or that they must have done something wrong. They may look primarily at themselves to see what they must have done to cause their partner to all of a sudden break off contact without warning.

Possible reasons a woman gets ghosted.

• The ghoster lost interest, but did not have the courage or decency to first communicate their change of heart to her before disappearing without warning.

• The ghoster is already in another relationship, or even married.

• They are playing the field, juggling various women. Schedules can become overcrowded and hectic. This can be very stressful. It might be a relief to drop a woman or two from the mix.

• The ghoster just wasn’t that into her to begin with. Genuine interest was not there ever, but he may have played along temporarily for whatever benefits he got out of the situation.

• The man is emotionally immature, emotionally unintelligent, and or emotionally unavailable…or all of the above.

There are other reasons for ghosting too. It may be tempting for a woman to chase after her partner if he suddenly disappears. I have observed that with some women it seems to be very difficult for them not knowing. The not knowing what happened really gets to them.

A woman may chase him in pursuit of an answer. Not knowing why he has disappeared could be the hardest part. What should a woman do in this situation? Well, initially, it is perfectly sensible to attempt to reach him to make sure everything is OK.

If a woman finds out that he is indeed doing just fine, but he just cut her off, it can still be very tempting to pursue him to demand more answers. However, as difficult as it may be, a woman can keep her dignity and not chase after a man who is running from her.

Men know very well how to go after the woman they desire. For sure, they know how to stay with a woman, if they want to stay. They are perfectly capable of not disappearing from a woman without word or warning. Especially, when they care about her. Especially also, when they respect her.

An interested, available man makes plans with a woman; not excuses to be apart from her. He will move toward her; not away from her.

Being ghosted can be a stressful, bewildering, and even painful situation. The reality is, any man that just walks unjustifiably out of a woman’s life was not truly invested in her. Period.

No matter what heart-warming things he has said to lead her to believe otherwise, and no matter what he has done to cause her to believe he was into her, he apparently was just not that into her.

He appears to have no regard for her feelings. He knew that if he just abandoned her, she would be left hanging, wondering, worried, and likely sad. But it is easier for him to check out without an explanation than to let the woman know that he is no longer interested for whatever reason (s).

When a man disappears intentionally without warning, it shows that he is no longer interested in the woman. Therefore, it is good to just let him go. It probably won’t be easy. It is extremely hard for some women to let go of the idea of being with a man who is already no longer with her or never has been with her. Some women nurture the idea of someone or something for a long time, even after they have proof the person or thing is not an option.

Some women are looking for what they call closure. A person has already provided closure when they decide to abandon the relationship.

Even after a woman finds out that she has been ghosted, she may do the following:

• Panic.

•  Blow up his phone, calling him repeatedly.

• Text him repeatedly, asking why or demanding to see him.

• Make trips to his house.

• Call his relatives or friends to see what other information can be found out.

• Stalk his social media presence and platforms.

• Stalk him physically.

• Put her dating life on hold awaiting his return.

• Await phone calls from him.

It is best to move on after being ghosted, and allow time for healing and reflection.

The ghosting scenario is an unpleasant one. I have not been ghosted, but I know of women who have been. Men are ghosted as well. It is understandably not easy sometimes to just let bygones be bygones. Especially, if someone is already emotionally invested in the one that ghosted them.

The person who is not invested in the relationship is the one capable of ghosting their partner. They disrespect their partner by ghosting them. It is a callous move. Some people also know they can just pop in and out of someone’s life.

They can disappear, offer some lame explanation, and sometimes, their partner takes them back. It is important to forgive, and also important not to play the fool for anyone. Desperation is not cool. Allowing someone to play with your heart and emotions is not cool.

If the person comes back after ghosting their partner, should the partner take them back? That is up to them. Perhaps, it depends on why they disappeared. However, generally speaking, I think it is very wise not to give someone a second chance to ghost again. Forgiveness is important. Forgiveness doesn’t mean taking someone back.

Plenty people will not ghost their partner. They will end things properly and considerately. If your man goes without explanation, let him go. If a woman ghosts her man, he should also be willing to let her go.

No one deserves to be treated as if they are yesterday’s trash, dumped off, and abandoned. You deserve better. Even when unfortunate things happen, God is still on the throne. God has something better in store.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”   Romans 8: 28.

Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

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