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“That’s not a friend.” – Divorce Minister


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My divorce was fresh. Maybe I was still in the separation period. I am not sure. What I remember is talking with a colleague and mentor, Father Terry, who shared some simply but profound wisdom.

After telling him about a “friend” who had essentially called me a deadbeat husband, I remember my Catholic priest mentor, Terry, saying the words quoted above (or something close to them). It was freeing.

Here’s my take from those words:

A true friends grasps the pain you’ve experienced at the hands of your cheater. They understand that divorce is a necessary “surgery.” And if they don’t, they ask and listen with humility and gentleness.

People who engage in promulgating “The Shared Responsibility Lie” where they blame the adultery all or in part on the faithful party are not friend material. It is best not sharing your heart or time with such people if given a choice.

That said, I still grieve the loss of the relationship with that person who did not behave as my friend years ago. It hurts.

I wish I did not have to cut him out of my life; unfortunately, that is what I had to do with someone hell bent on “justifying” my Cheater. But that is part of this journey. We learn who are true friends and are disappointed by others. It is okay to grieve those losses, too.

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Republished with permission from www.divorceminister.com.

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