Labor, Loss & Liberty — Colorfull Bloom

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Liberty is HERE! December 6th, 2021 was the day I became a mom of two. Well, two here on earth.❤️

TWO! I still can’t believe it. And it’s already been a little over ten months since she was born. I’m in a constant state of awe over her and so grateful. Every time I look at her, I can’t believe she’s mine. She was born at 7:25pm at 20 3/4” tall, weighing 7lbs. 12oz. Giving birth to her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, but also one of the best. My water broke that Monday morning about 6am (same exact thing happened with Levi at about the same time!) I was in labor for 3 hours and pushed for 30 minutes.

Pitocin got things going a couple hours after we got settled into the L+D room because I just wasn’t contracting (again, same thing happened with Levi!) My L+D was… how you say… PAINFUL. I opted for no drugs or epidural this go around because after having Levi, I kinda knew what to expect as far as pain. So I was like, “Oh I got this.” I had morphine and an epidural with Levi, so I in fact did not know what to expect! I mean I knew it was gonna be painful, but…. sheeeeeesh. I had my worship music going in my headphones for awhile, because I was gonna be super spiritual and worship while I was in excruciating pain. Aaaand after awhile the headphones came out. The pitocin had kicked in and it was time to scream, claw at the air and all the things having a baby make you do. I can’t even imagine what the playback of that video would look like (thank goodness we didn’t do one).

The delivery portion of the evening was particularly eventful because I actually felt what was going on this time. With Levi’s epidural I was numb and couldn’t feel what my body wanted to do or was doing. Funny enough though, if I had to give birth again, I would go without the epidural again. My recovery time was 1000% faster than with Levi so for that reason alone, I think it’s worth it. If I could add a little side note to the husbands: yes, your wife deserves a “push” present. Get her one.

She was worth every bit of the pain. Oh, my Liberty, girl. You certainly were. Some people may be curious where we got the name Liberty. And yes, we’re aware of the Liberty Mutual commercial. Liberty-Liberty-Liberty. Liberty! That’s actually how we came up with her name. We just really love that commercial. I’m joking. What’s cute is though is whenever that commercial comes on, Levi looks over at me and smiles, because his sister’s name is on tv!

The question we’ve been asked most is, “What will you call her?” And I’m like, “We’ll call her Liberty?” because that’s her name? I know people are just curious and I shouldn’t be offended. But I’m thinking to myself, are they asking because it’s a name they’re assuming we won’t use? I know, I know I just need to remember that it’s a unique name, but we love it so much. I’m always so proud to tell people what her name is! So, yes we call her Liberty. I’m sure she’ll have her slew of crazy nick names, as does Levi. It’s an Asian thing I think. Liberty’s current number of nick names: four and counting.

Seriously though, even before Levi was born, the name Liberty was a name Tim and I were both drawn to. We love the fact that the word liberty will be spoken over her every. single. day. of. her. life. It means freedom. In II Corinthians it says, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty.” It’s a powerful word and one that means a lot to us. I’m passionate about the journey and pursuit to gain freedom. Tim and I are no exception to forging our own freedom journeys. I remember a quiet time where two scriptures with the word liberty popped off the page at me one day. Looking back, I believe her name was confirmation for us we would have another baby.

We lost two babies in the process of trying to get pregnant with Liberty so I wrestled a lot holding on to this name I felt God gave us while we were staring loss straight in the face. I started doubting God had spoke to me about having her at all. A lesson I’ve learned through all of this is if God speaks to you about something, believe and trust His timing. Even though everything happening around you contradicts what He said, believe anyway. Take yourself back to that moment where God spoke to your heart and where He made a promise clear to you. Hold onto it for dear life. No matter what you see, hear or experience, if God said He will do it, He will. It may not be on our timeline and I didn’t understand why at the time, but Liberty always stayed locked away in our hearts. Even though it took us a few years to us to meet her, Liberty is here!

Kylene Lautensack,

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