Separated Is Not Single.

Ladies, … you would never knowingly become involved with a man who is already attached to someone else, would you? This is whether he is married or dating someone else. If not, that is wonderful, and that is the right thing to do. It is the right way to be.

There are other ladies with different values that I encourage to stay away from men who are already attached. It is common for some women to become involved in some kind of relationship with a man who says he is “separated” from his wife.

For whatever reason, some ladies decide that they have the right to become involved with a man who says he’s having problems with his girlfriend, or that he’s separated from his wife. Separated does not mean divorced.

Separated does not mean single. Having a tumultuous relationship does not mean someone is single. This is a no-brainer. Yet, as individuals, we have our own ambitions, aspirations, desires and they can be…well, selfish. It’s easy to justify and attempt to rationalize our own selfish actions.

Women may attempt to rationalize becoming involved with an attached man by thinking or stating, “They are separated; they are not together anymore.” Or, “They won’t be together anymore in the future, so it doesn’t matter.”  It does matter.

Unpopular truth: Unless a man is truly single, he is unavailable. He is unavailable for all women. Especially, for women of integrity, it is important to stay away from men who are attached.

We live in a world where many people unapologetically do whatever they want to do, whether it is right or wrong. There is no right or wrong in the minds of some people, it seems. Right and wrong are subjective, according to them.

• No. Right and wrong are not subjective, but the word of God is the blueprint to determine what is right or wrong.

• The golden rule is always relevant.

There are some gray areas not discussed in the Bible that are more of a matter of personal conviction. For example, what modesty when it comes to attire means to different women. Then, there are more clear commands. The two great commands cover everything: to love the Lord Our God with all of our hearts, souls, minds and strength; and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

If I truly love God, I will obey His commands, including His command not to fornicate. If I love my neighbors, including fellow ladies as myself, why would I go to bed with or start dating someone else’s boyfriend or husband?

Would any of us ladies cherish the fact that someone is sleeping with our boyfriends or husbands while we are still with them? No. So, why would we do it to someone else? It doesn’t matter that an attached man is complaining about his lady. 

• It doesn’t matter if an attached man is saying he is going to end things or wants to end things with his girlfriend or wife. He has not ended things yet.

• It is important to let him figure it out and work it out on his own. It is right to stay away from him.

•  If he is separated from his wife, it does not mean he is available to other women.

• He cannot cheat on his wife without a woman or women participating with him.

Some women are killed after they are deceived into believing that men who are cheating on their ladies will leave their ladies to be with the mistresses. This is common-the man tells the woman what she wants to hear, is having sex with her, but doesn’t plan on leaving his wife.

When the woman realizes she has been duped, in some cases, she exposes the affair or threatens to. Some of the women (mistresses) are killed at this point, or some are killed when they become pregnant, and won’t terminate their pregnancies.

For any ladies believing that it’s cute, ideal or alright to mess with married or taken men, the reality is that God won’t bless such mess. Women have no business becoming inappropriately involved with attached men. It is wrong. People put themselves in danger by participating in these shady types of situations.

So, in this world where many people do what they want to do and make up their own rules, it is important, especially, for Christians to be godly light in the darkness. This means by doing the right things.

It’s important for Christians to remain in truth and live according to the truth of God’s word. Many Christian women are tempted in many ways too, and act on it. Many women easily fall into the trap of becoming involved with a man who is attached already, but attempt to rationalize it.

Speaking of temptation, there are women who profess to be Christians who are even having sex with their pastors, some of who are married! Do we wonder why the world is not impressed when they look at the lives of some professed Christians? May God strengthen and keep each of us in truth, surrendered fully to Him and living according to His word. If we love God, then we obey His commandments. The first great commandment is to love Him.

“Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”  Matthew 22: 35-40 (KJV).