6 Things That Need to Be in Place Before Christian Dating - Intercession For A Generation Blog
There are some things that should be in place before Christian dating. It’s interesting how many want to just jump into a relationship without wisdom or support. Dating is no joke. Yes, it’s just a set time to meet someone getting to know them. However, dating can easily become serious as it can involve the heart. The Bible cautions us to guard our hearts because out of it flows the issues of life. This means every other area of our lives can be affected simply by what we allow into our hearts.
Just like we guard our hearts against false doctrine and lust. We must also guard our hearts against relationships that should not go further than a first date or phone conversation. We don’t want to lead ourselves astray because of our desires. This is why I’ve listed a few things that must be in place before a process of dating is implemented.
Trust in God Must Be in Place in Christian Dating
It’s great to have a holy desire for marriage. This means a desire to honor God in an equally yoked relationship that leads to marriage. However, these types of relationships aren’t being given out overnight. Those who desire to walk out the process of honoring God in relationships are rare. It takes sacrifice to honor God in singleness as well as in a Christian dating relationship. It is uncomfortable at times to honor God as a single person. Thus, many have chosen the route of self-gratification.
Some people simply have become discouraged not believing there is anyone out there who also desires to honor God. So, they’ve joined the party of self-gratification. Self-gratification is immediate and fleeting at the same time. The long path of self-denial through obeying God in the present will build our trust in God.
As we allow an intimate relationship with the Lord to be developed within us as singles, we’ll start to see that it is possible to do things God’s way because God helps us to honor him. The resolve that we’ve gotten through growing in our trust in God prepares us for the process of Christian dating.
Then, we won’t choose what’s in front of our face just because it’s there. We will choose what is best for us instead. Our faith and trust in God will have become built to know that the same God who delivered us from ourselves and our weak flesh will be the same God who will bring us a godly spouse at his appointed time.
Wholeness is having the right perspective on how we see ourselves and how we see God. I share about this in-depth in my book, “The Wholeness Action Plan.” When we are walking in wholeness or alignment with what God says, we no longer question if God is good. We know God is good and his plans toward us are good. Therefore, we walk in expectation of God’s promises in our lives with confidence. We no longer see ourselves as unworthy or not enough. We’ve learned to draw our worth and value from what will never pass away and that is God’s word. We are God’s masterpiece intentionally created to give God glory. We take joy in the life God has blessed us with.
Healthy Community is Important in Christian Dating
If you follow me on social media; you’ve heard me, say to make relationship choices out of your full life and not loneliness. We all need others. When we are enjoying genuine relationships with a healthy community that doesn’t judge us, but instead allows us to be ourselves—it helps us to stand firm in our identity.
It also helps us to keep our boundaries in place as we get to know others. A healthy community also helps with our discernment while Christian dating ensuring we aren’t settling for less or conforming to something we aren’t to be in a romantic relationship.
When we make dating relationship choices out of our fullness we aren’t desperate for whatever comes our way. We should already have healthy and full lives that we enjoy. This includes hobbies, friends, work, family, and passions we are living out. We can more easily pass up the wrong ones while being patient for the right ones that compliment who we are.
We should be familiar with who we are in Christ. Out of that, we should be walking in our God-given purpose. Walking out our God-given purpose is an exciting journey that causes us to grow. As we are growing, we will further learn ourselves.
This process allows us to choose someone who will be good for us now and who we are becoming. Too many people choose someone off of what’s temporary. They feel lonely. They no longer feel lonely with a person as a place-holder for loneliness. Choosing someone based on our temporal needs isn’t enough to sustain a long-lasting healthy relationship. We should choose someone who would complement who we are as a total person not just one part of us. Dr. Henry Cloud author of “Boundaries in Dating” goes into detail about this.
Also, do you have any beliefs, hurts, unforgiveness, or fears that could be sabotaging your chance at a healthy relationship? God will reveal things to us that need to be healed. Sometimes, he will use a friend to point things out as well. Our response should always be humility when things are pointed out within us. God’s grace and healing come when we are humble. Invite others in to help you to work through any issues presented so you can fully enjoy this life God’s given you to have.
There are a lot of people in this world with a lot of different viewpoints. It may take some time to find someone on the same page. Don’t give up and become pessimistic in your spirit if you experience many wrong ones before the right one. This is life. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or that no one is out there who is appropriate. You have to remain patient trusting in God and continue to be open to meet the right one. The right one is out there. Take breaks when you feel you need it from meeting new people or dating. You will need to continue to focus on what causes hope on the inside of you to avoid becoming pessimistic and giving up. I follow social media accounts that are positive and have testimonies of God-honoring relationships. I also fast and pray as led to quiet myself to hear God’s voice. All of these things help with patience.
Firmness in your values and boundaries
You should not desire marriage so much that you are willing to shift your boundaries and values. Your values are your firm beliefs stemming from your convictions and the Word of God. Your boundaries protect your values. Without this being in place, you will not have the discernment needed to choose who is good for you. Those who honor and respect your boundaries show you that they honor and respect you. It’s even better when the suitor you are dating has his own boundaries in place to honor God himself. Don’t fall for someone who temporarily respects your boundaries but seeks to lead you into sin because they do not have their own boundaries. Your values should match the person you decide to continue to date. If they do not this is a huge red flag the person isn’t for you. Finally, everyone you share values and boundaries with may not be good for you either. Learn to follow the peace of God when meeting people. God gives much discernment in dating.