An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 1

“Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to
make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to
present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any
other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love
their wives as their own bodies.  He who
loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he
feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of
his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:25-31)

I
want to assure you, men, that as I talk to you, I am talking to myself.  I do not wish to give you the false sense that
I have any better grip on the kind of husband that I ought to be than any of
you.

I’m not saying that Alice and I don’t have a great relationship, because we
do.  I often wonder if it’s possible for anyone
to love as much we do.  Although being
realistic, I have to conclude that surely, others do.

In the verses quoted above, we’re being told that we should love our wives as
Christ loved the church.  We’re going to
talk about that in detail.  But I have to
begin, recognizing that neither you nor I measure up to that admonition; at
least, not consistently.

We are fallen and in need of a Savior.  Only
the Christian can be properly aware of that, and no one understands our need
better than the mature Christian.  What I
mean by that, is that the more we know and understand Christ by the
illuminating power of the Holy Spirit, the more we come to see how utterly
helpless we are to live the God-life apart from Him.

When Jesus walked this earth, one of the reasons He placed Himself in a
position of total dependence on the Father, was to show us that we will never
come to a place of being independence of Him.

So, the more like Jesus we become, as the purifying work of the Holy Spirit
continues in us, the more dependent we will be on the Father in all things.  That is the example of the Author and
Perfecter of our faith, and we leave that path at our own risk.

Therefore, when it comes to our relationship with our wife, and hearing this urging
to love her as Christ loved the church, we must first acknowledge, in all
humility, that even to the pitiful degree that we obey that command, we only do
so with the help of Jesus.

So with that foundation laid, come with me, men, and let’s go before the Throne
that we may receive mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Today, is the day we will be looking
at the responsibility of husbands as part of God’s design, and it can be quite
nicely summed up in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ
also loved the church…”  

Notice, it doesn’t say husbands rule
your wives, or husbands command your wives, or husbands subjugate your wives.  No, Paul says, “husbands love your wives
just as Christ loved the church.”

So, what does it mean for a husband
to love his wife as Christ loved the Church?

Beginning in verse 25, we find four
specific ways that husbands are to love their wives as they follow the pattern
of Christ’s love. 

First, we see that husbands are to
love their wives unconditionally.  The
Greek word used in verse 25 to describe Christ’s love is “agapao” (verb).  It’s very similar to “agape” (noun), but
slightly different in usage.  God’s word tells
husbands that “agapao” love is long-suffering and kind; it envies not; it does
not boasts about itself.  “agapao” love
does not behave itself unseemly, is not easily provoked, and thinks no evil.  “agapao” love delights in the truth.  “agapao” love endures all things, believes all
things, and hopes all things.  It is a
love empowered by the very Spirit of God for the purpose of making two people
one.

Christ loves you simply because it
is His nature to love, even the most unlovable.  And that love is the model of how husbands are
to love their wives.

It’s strange that even after growing
up in a family that was taught unconditional love, I could not easily verbalize
it to others, until I met Alice.  She had
spent over 40 years growing up under an authoritative, manipulative, and
overbearing father who used scripture to control his family.  And even though I knew she cared for me, she
had not learned what authentic, unconditional love between two people really
meant.  It took some time, as we talked
about our feelings for each other, but eventually she began to understand how
loving one another unconditionally did not mean an uncontrolled reaction of the
heart, but is a choice to love selflessly and sacrificially.  It is loving another person as they are,
regardless of what they do or fail to do.

I
love my wife, Alice, with an unconditional love.  That means I love her whether or not she acts
loving toward me.  It also means that I
love her whether or not I feel like it.  I
am in a covenant relationship with her through marriage.  I have promised to love her “for better
or worse.”  And I am driven to give
her love and every material necessity I can afford.  The covenant I have with Alice conveys my
every blessing to her.

Even in the best of marriages,
sooner or later a situation will arise that can only be met by unconditional
love.  So God commands us that husbands
are to love their wives with an unconditional love. In contrast, the world’s love is shallow, temporal, and
conditional, which is no love at all.  I can think of so many examples of
the world’s type of synthetic “love.”  Many marriages today are wrongly based
upon romance, allure (which is sometimes
merely lust), money, security, unwanted pregnancy,
etc.  This is why the divorce rate is so high in America.  Such
marriages are doomed from the start.  The world cannot understand such
depth of love.  Sadly, most married
couples today have a 50/50 attitude towards their relationship.  But Biblical love should be 100%, even if the
other spouse is giving 0%.  

The second way husbands are to love
their wives is found in the second part of verse 25b.  Here Paul uses the phrase “…and gave
himself up for her…”   Jesus’ sacrificial love was shown to us when
he left heaven, came to earth, took on humanity, and willingly suffered the
pain and agony of the cross in our place.  He loved us enough to give up His rights and
sacrifice His life for us.

Now, Paul’s ideas were very radical
in the cultural context of his day.  Demosthenes,
an ancient writer, once said, “We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure; we
have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation; we have wives for the
purpose of having children legitimately, and of having a faithful guardian of
all our household affairs.”

To them the marriage bond was
virtually meaningless.  It was somewhat
better among the Jews of Paul’s day.  But
even they had a low view of women.  If a
man found a woman prettier than his wife, all he had to do was write her a bill
of divorce, send her out, and marry the pretty one.  So we can see that Paul’s call for a husband
to “love his wife as Christ loved the church” was a radical departure from the
domestic ethics of his time. 

So what does this sacrificial love
require? 

1) It demands DEATH—dying to
self. (Luke 9:23-24)

Just as Jesus Christ set aside his
rights in sacrificial love for the church, so the Christian husband must learn
to set aside his rights as a display of love for his wife.  Marriage is a call to die, and a man who does
not die for his wife does not come close to the love to which he is called.  Christian marriage vows are the inception of
a lifelong practice of death, of giving over not only all you have, but all you
are.

Sounds a bit grim doesn’t it?  In fact, those who lovingly die for their
wives are those who know the most joy, have the most fulfilling marriages, and
experience the most love.  It takes a
strong man to die.

2) It demands SUFFERING. (1 Peter 4:16)

When Jesus gave himself up for us,
He not only died, He suffered.  His
suffering was not only His atoning death on the cross, but it is also the
suffering which comes from identification with His bride, the Church.  A husband is also called to share in his wife’s
sadness, her insecurities, and despairs.  But in doing this you will also know a deep
joy that unloving hearts cannot know.

3) It demands INTERCESSION. (1 Timothy 2:1)

On the evening Jesus gave himself up
for us, John 17 says He prayed for Himself, for His twelve disciples, and for
all of us who would later believe in Him.  We understand from this that giving ourselves
for our wives involves praying and interceding for them before our Heavenly
Father.  You ought to have a list of her
needs which you earnestly hold up to God out of love for her.  

So, loving our wives sacrificially
means we are called to die for our wives, to take on her sufferings as our own,
and to make intercession for her. 

That’s enough for today, but there is so much more to discuss.  We will continue next week with part 2, and the final two ways that husbands are commanded to love their wives as they follow the pattern
of Christ’s love. If you feel this discussion has been useful, please pass this on to your friends who may be struggling in their marriages. 

And if you have any questions or comments, I would love to hear from you in the comment section below.  See you next week, and May God bless you!

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