Brave Dating Practice: Clarity - Bravester

Be brave and give clarity all along the way of dating. Clarity
is letting the other person know where you are at along the way. It is a clear
clue that you would like to be asked out. It is you asking the other out (without
three months of messaging!). It is you declaring that the first date was
successful (however you define that). It is you declaring when you will call. It
is you not sending mixed messages.

If the first date was good, let the other know that you will
be asking out again. Or be very clear that you would like to be asked out

Clarify that you will message or call in two days. Or
tomorrow. Clarify this so the other person isn’t left guessing and trying to
figure you out. Those who have been ghosted will so appreciate this.

Do you see the bravery—thus vulnerability—in this? Do you
also see the gift in this? Be the one who is brave. It will probably be

Maybe your clarity will be returned with clarity that you
are not wanted to call tomorrow. That sucks. But at least you know.

Maybe your clarity will lead to “I think you’re great…but…” While this also sucks you are being given a gift. This person was brave enough to give you clarity. Can you imagine the opposite? The wishy-washy of guessing all of the time? Have you done that before? Have you done that often? Now that is an uncomfortable mess that is not necessary. (As you have learned every time.)

If you are on the receiving end of “I think you’re great…but…” you’ve also been respected. Isn’t that
wonderful? Yes you are also being turned down but the other had the decency to
respect you with kind words. You have been spared of the mixed messages which
you would have spent so much emotional energy trying to figure out.

Maybe you’ve been given a gift of clarity that you are
certain the other is interested in you. Doesn’t that feel wonderful? Return
that feeling of wonderful with your clarity. Don’t shy away from it.

Clarity is plain and simple words—that are said. Not hinted
at. Not pantomimed. Not nonverbally given. To speak the words is a bit scary
but those words are plain and simple gifts.

Clarity is also trust and respect. Because you respect this
person (even if there is a non-match) you are using your words to give this
person respect. And that begets trust.

Clarity also means someone gave you respect by clarifying any little thing. This is not then something to be gossiped about or laughed about with your friends. You do want to be known as someone trustworthy, right? You have been given a gift. Even if it hurts. To mockingly laugh about it with your friends is just deflecting that hurt and causing you to be someone you don’t want to be. Don’t do that! Respect the gift.

Clarity is also boundaries. You are not contorting yourself
to figure out if this is going to work. The person clearly knows who he/she is
talking to.

This is not DTRing
the relationship. (DTR = defining the relationship.) You are not defining
anything until it is the right time. That is a big talk to have at the right
time. This is you being clear all along the way. Every little step along way.

The opposite of this is someone—or you—sending mixed messages. You’ve been a part of that sort of relationship before, right? In the end it sure wasn’t any fun. And it didn’t work out anyway. You don’t want to be the one sending mixed messages. And you don’t want to be the one hanging around trying to interpret those mixed messages either. Be the one to clarify. Be the brave one.

This article may or may not have been inspired by rom-com
movies. Those movies are heart swooning because of the plot that draws you in. Even
the “cuteness” of nothing being clarified feels romantic. Feels like part of
the romance that is developing. Unless you are watching Hallmark movies which
has the same plot over and over again and it always involves one party or both
parties not using the gift of clarity. But really, none of that is romantic.
None of that is cute.

Romance and cute is birthed out of trust. Trust is the fruit
of clarity. Trust is what you want in your relationship. Be the brave one.