Can I get jealous in marriage?

Christians are not exempt from jealousy over someone who seems to get into our marriage. 

However, is getting jealous already considered a sin when we only want our spouse to be utterly faithful to us? 

If you are suffering from jealousy over someone and feel like the wrong person for feeling that way, then let us see what the Bible says about it. 

Understanding jealousy

The Bible reveals two kinds of jealousy; good and evil. Exodus 34:14 says, “Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” God’s jealousy is an example of a good form of jealousy. 

Additionally, jealousy means zealously pursuing what is right and good. God does not want us to have any other god before Him, and thus, He zealously pursues us. 

Moreover, this kind of jealousy is out of love, and God does not want to manipulate anyone to love and obey Him. We are given a choice even to reject Him.

Therefore, we can also have godly jealousy toward another person. 

Paul explained this to the Corinthian church in 2 Corinthians 11:2. Paul said, “I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.”

So, it is natural that your spouse would feel jealous because they want you to remain completely faithful to them. 

Thus, jealousy is not always wrong. We should ask about our motives and how we react to it.

Evil jealousy

On the other hand, evil jealousy is what the Scripture defines as a work of the flesh if the motive comes from our sinful nature because selfishness causes someone to pressure, force, and manipulate another.

Moreover, selfishness and jealousy will always result in contentious rivalries and hatred. This kind of jealousy could undoubtedly destroy the love in a marriage. 

Besides, “indignation” in Acts 5:17 means "evil jealousy."

Why do we get jealous

We also need to know the cause of our jealousy. Many factors can become the reason why we get jealous. We can be jealous of anything, such as others’ wealth, beauty, and relationships.

In addition, we can be jealous when we compare ourselves with others, fail to trust people, or have personal insecurity. 

Sometimes, we even compete with others and feel anxious that our spouse might replace us with someone else. 

Thus, all these factors are so tiring and could destroy us unconsciously. So, we must get rid of them and decide to discover God’s solution in His words. 

How to deal with jealousy

We must desire freedom from jealousy, whether our intentions are good or bad. 

Here are some ways to deal with jealousy.

Do not compare yourself

You are on your way to jealousy when you compare yourself with others. This is also a common sin of the flesh, so we must stop comparing.  

Comparing yourself with others could lead you to self-destruction. The apostle Paul warned the Corinthian church about making comparisons with others. 

He noted in 2 Corinthians 10:12 that we should not dare to classify or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves.

Besides, he said it is not wise to measure and compare themselves.

You have your strengths and uniqueness. The more you focus on yourself, the more you will appreciate who you are. 

If you compare yourself with another person, it will cause you to take one of two positions. 

Either you consider yourself superior or inferior to that person. Both attitudes are sinful pride, which could cause strife and separate people.

More importantly, God’s word says that all people are the same from God’s perspective. 

Deal with your trust issues

Another primary factor in jealousy is trust issues. You may have been hurt by someone you love or your previous relationship or marriage. 

However, you should face this issue so you can enjoy your marriage. 

If you have difficulty trusting your husband because he may have cheated on you before, you could surrender it to the Lord. 

Believe that God is love, and He puts His love in others that will not hurt you.

Besides, not dealing with your trust issue will continue to destroy your marriage. You must understand that you can never have a healthy marriage if you do not heal from your brokenness. 

If you are struggling with trusting your spouse again because of what they did in the past, you have to let God help you forgive and keep no records of wrongdoing. 

Win over your insecurities

You can list all your insecurities to know which areas to improve.

The battle with insecurity is one of the most difficult challenges within our hearts. We usually deal with three different aspects of security. 

We want to be spiritually secure, which is our connection with God, and we also want to be confident in our relationships with others. 

Additionally, we want physical security and a connection with our surroundings. We must listen to and obey God’s commands to overcome our insecurities. 

He promised that whoever listens to him will live safely and be at ease without fear of harm. (Proverbs 1:33)

More importantly, the closer you get to God, the more you feel secure about who you are and appreciate how God created you. 

You might be dealing with insecurities since your body has changed since giving birth. You might feel that many women are more attractive to your husband. 

When you know your worth in Christ, you will still feel secure because God made you fearfully and wonderfully.

Cultivate self-confidence

After listing your insecurities, try writing a way to improve yourself. Remember to focus on yourself and not on the strengths of others. 

It is one way to give yourself space away from feelings of inferiority.

Furthermore, read the Scriptures about how God made and loved you. 

You can write all God’s promises in your notebook so that every time you doubt yourself, it can remind you of what God thinks of you. 

Try to be open to your spouse

Your spouse might contribute to your jealousy, and they might feel tired of it. 

However, try to make them understand your jealousy. If your spouse is willing to work with you to eliminate jealousy, that is good.

On the other hand, if they think it is just another kind of drama, then at least you tried to be open to them. 

Telling them about how you feel is an opportunity for them to support you as you overcome jealousy. 

Practice self-care

You should work on coping mechanisms if your partner gives you a reason to get jealous, like cheating or habitual lying. 

Practice self-care by nurturing your physical, emotional, and mental health. 

If you prioritize yourself and how you respond to the situation, it could empower you to deal with your jealousy in a way that would not cause you sin or resentment. 

Never stop praying

You cannot deal with your jealousy if you are alone. You will always need God’s intervention and power to resist this virus. 

Keep on praying, even if you fail sometimes. You may not see your prayers working, but you notice little progress. God will renew your heart and mind as you ask him for help and guidance. 

Praying is your weapon to deal with jealousy, so do not stop.