Cheater-Speak: "I had unmet emotional needs in our marriage." - Divorce Minister

Skip to content

“You were all so busy with the kids. I felt neglected.”

-Cheater

“I never would have cheated if you had given me the attention he did!”

-Cheater

-Exodus 20:14, KJV

Your cheater may try to “justify” their sin to you.

Maybe they will point to you spending too much time raising the kids? Maybe they will talk about emotional distance while you were busy providing nice things for the family? Who knows what they will say?

It is all just noise.

The Bible is clear. No justification exists for cheating. God did not place an exception clause in His Ten Commandments.

Say that you actually were a terrible spouse. That STILL is not a good reason to commit adultery. It does not justify such sin.

I suspect you were not perfect but were far better than what your cheater says (see revisionist history).

Say you were focused on the kids. What stopped him from getting babysitters and taking you away to regular romantic weekends? Or what stopped him from pitching in and helping more as they are his kids, too? Was he cultivating his guy friendships or expecting you to meet all his emotional needs, which is unfair? You see he had other, better options than cheating.

Say you were too focused on work. What stopped her from bringing that up before cheating? Did she offer to reduce spending to claw back time? Did she offer to work more or get another job to reduce the financial pressures?  Why couldn’t she find emotional support from good, gal friends? You see, she had other, better options than cheating.

My point is the emotional cheating excuse is simply that–a lame excuse. Do not accept the blame!

Give

Subscribe to the Daybreak Devotions for Women

Be inspired by God's Word every day! Delivered to your inbox.


More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    Toying With Faithful Spouses - Divorce Minister

    Some Cheaters are acutely aware of the power they have over the faithful spouse. They understand that divorcing their spouse will mean the professional destruction of the faithful spouse. Plus, they may know that the faithful spouse is highly committed to working through even infidelity. Maybe they understand the faithful spouse would do anything to … Continue reading "Toying With Faithful Spouses"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    I care about you but... - Divorce Minister

    The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. -Proverbs 12:18, NIV I care about you BUT not enough… …to end my friendship with the adulterous spouse until she repents. My thoughts: “Sorry, your concern for me sounds skin deep. Scripture is clear that a person who … Continue reading "I care about you but…"

    3 min read
  • featureImage

    Do you care, God? - Divorce Minister

    Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” -Mark 4:38, NIV “Don’t you care?!” Tomorrow, I am preaching from this passage. It is the passage in Mark where Jesus and his disciples are crossing storm tossed waters (see Mark … Continue reading "Do you care, God?"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    "I miss your cooking." - Divorce Minister

    “I miss your cooking,” says Cheater who claims you’ve done nothing to contribute to the family ever. Cheaters often seek “justifications” to discard you. Truth is often a casualty of this doomed quest. Sure, they might use something that is partially true to attack you. However, a partial truth is still fully a lie. The … Continue reading "“I miss your cooking.”"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    Why NOT so complicated - Divorce Minister

    14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. -James 1:14-15, NLT Save yourself the cost of exploring “why” they cheated. It is simple. They gave into the desires in their own hearts, … Continue reading "Why NOT so complicated"

    2 min read

Editor's Picks

  • featureImage

    Sometimes Healing Takes Time

    I like instant. I like brewed coffee in a minute or less. I like microwaved leftovers in 45 seconds or less. I like instant text, instant on-line shopping, and instant movies at the click of a button. I’m not a fan of process but would rather have immediate results. One of my favorite words in the New Testament is “immediately.” “Immediately they received their sight” (Matthew 20:34). Read more...

    5 min read

More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    Toying With Faithful Spouses - Divorce Minister

    Some Cheaters are acutely aware of the power they have over the faithful spouse. They understand that divorcing their spouse will mean the professional destruction of the faithful spouse. Plus, they may know that the faithful spouse is highly committed to working through even infidelity. Maybe they understand the faithful spouse would do anything to … Continue reading "Toying With Faithful Spouses"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    I care about you but... - Divorce Minister

    The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. -Proverbs 12:18, NIV I care about you BUT not enough… …to end my friendship with the adulterous spouse until she repents. My thoughts: “Sorry, your concern for me sounds skin deep. Scripture is clear that a person who … Continue reading "I care about you but…"

    3 min read
  • featureImage

    Do you care, God? - Divorce Minister

    Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” -Mark 4:38, NIV “Don’t you care?!” Tomorrow, I am preaching from this passage. It is the passage in Mark where Jesus and his disciples are crossing storm tossed waters (see Mark … Continue reading "Do you care, God?"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    "I miss your cooking." - Divorce Minister

    “I miss your cooking,” says Cheater who claims you’ve done nothing to contribute to the family ever. Cheaters often seek “justifications” to discard you. Truth is often a casualty of this doomed quest. Sure, they might use something that is partially true to attack you. However, a partial truth is still fully a lie. The … Continue reading "“I miss your cooking.”"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    Why NOT so complicated - Divorce Minister

    14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. -James 1:14-15, NLT Save yourself the cost of exploring “why” they cheated. It is simple. They gave into the desires in their own hearts, … Continue reading "Why NOT so complicated"

    2 min read