Continued Writing Blessings Abound for This Survivor! - The DV Walking Wounded:
Being laid up, recovering from surgery, has its pluses for sure!
I attended the Virtual Erma Bombeck Workshop online yesterday. I almost forgot about it, but my trusty little iPhone notified me, thank goodness! The main speaker/writer featured was one of my favorites, the vivacious Anne Lamott. She’s incredibly inspiring and I am seriously thinking of going $45 in the hole, per month, to study with her in A Writing Room, her online writing community full of awesome writers and editors who teach and critique to make you a better writer…I’m still thinking about it, as I have to see how my time will permit for it…she inspires me with her tenacity and realness…it was a pleasure to hear her speak!
My newest minion, a little black kitten we named Puck, decided to cuddle up with me. He was going back and forth between purring and snoring…it was darling…I think he’s going to be my best writing buddy…that coupled with coffee made for the perfect afternoon.
There were SO many excellent writers speaking, that I couldn’t take notes fast enough! I wrote on my blog in between sessions, as well as tightened up my Substack presence. I gained a few followers and kindred spirits along the way, which was also amazing! I really feel as though these fellow writers are my tribe!
One of the incredible speakers, Bonnie Jean Feldkamp, had us do a writing exercise, during her session entitled, “Your Truth In the Age of Hate.” I mean, I enjoyed them ALL to be completely honest, but I probably wrote the most complete answers to the writing exercises in this one (sorry other authors, my pain meds kicked in and killed a bit of my creativity — recovering from hip replacement surgery isn’t glamorous!). Here’s what I wrote here:
QUESTION: What Is your Purpose? Your Why? (in regards to your writing)
My purpose, simply, is to write the things that DV victims and survivors need to know, ESPECIALLY the unglamorous side of survival. It’s messy and complicated.
You see, its not all ticker-tape parades and picnics and safety and hugging things out…it is hard, thankless self-work in the trenches…it’s hiding in your bed, under the covers, crying…it’s eating ramen noodles because you’re out of money…it’s praying that this electric bill is the one that you can pay the balance of next month, without your family’s electricity getting cut off…it’s filling out police reports…to be concise, it’s hard and real stuff this seeking of freedom.
It is being a guiding light to survivors, letting them know that these things are perfectly okay and normal, that their safety is priority. Most importantly, it is imperative to encourage them not to give up, give in, and go back, for that surely could be a death sentence. Freedom is still beautiful and worth it, despite it not looking like what they think that it should.
QUESTION: Who is this NOT for? Who is the person you’re afraid of reading it? What will they say?
My story of purpose should not be read by domestic abusers, to be completely honest. Why? For one, they will see nothing wrong with their actions and behaviors, only yours. They will be critical and tell you that you remembered it wrongly, that it never happened (gaslighting), OR, if it did happen, you probably deserved it.
Once they read your purpose, they will try to smear your memory of it and/or your reputation with others who might read or hear it — not to mention call into question your sanity, or perceived lack thereof. After all, they won’t see their part in any of this, WILL THEY?
I also do not wanting abusers reading this because they know that there are individuals like myself out there dealing hope and help to DV victims and survivors. I can personally take their harassment, but I don’t want them gaining intel in order to thwart their victim in trying to escape and to better themselves. I don’t want them trying to portray themselves the victim, as we all know that they definitely try that angle. I don’t need them turning it around on the person they’re torturing. However, they cannot keep up the convincing act forever, despite possibly getting ammunition from what I write. Quite frankly, I would feel better if our paths never crossed.
QUESTION: Who are you writing this story for?
I am writing and speaking for all DV victims and survivors, but more importantly for all survivors of trauma because that wounding is life altering. Experiencing trauma can change the neuropathways in a person’s brain. Just having someone show their vulnerability in survival mode is healing to themselves and others, who have experienced something similar and feel lost and alone. I want this space to be comforting, like a hug, as if say ‘I see you struggling to survive and IT’S OKAY. Just keep swimming!’
I learned SO much yesterday, about shaping my authentic voice, utilizing imaging hoards, point-of-view and how to establish it, writing with nature as our muse, and funny being the new deep. This was such a well-rounded day! I finished blogging after we were completed for the day, then promptly fell asleep and napped and dreamed of lovely words and phrases, colors, and warm and comforting sensations! Despite the incessant, unrelated rain, it was a lovely day [indoors]! Thank you all for the wonderful learning and fellowship. I cannot wait to go to the bigger Erma conference, with two bionic hips and inspiration in my heart! I am SO blessed that the Lord keeps putting these experiences in my journey!
