Developing the Muscle of Forgiveness
I ran out the door barefoot to find my prayer book. Harsh words attempted to replay as I retrieved my quiet-time bag from the car. My husband had departed for an appointment after a heated disagreement. How can he leave, knowing things were so unsettled between us? Anger consumed me as my mind began replaying our points of contention. I felt wounded, and the bitter seeds of resentment threatened to plant themselves deeply in my mind.
He always discounts me. My needs don’t matter to him. I didn’t want to forgive him, I didn’t want to love him, and I certainly didn’t want to pray for him. Yet, like a person desperate for water in a desert, I opened my prayer book and began to pray God’s protection, guidance, and love over my husband. I spoke each prayer out loud through a constricted throat and hot, angry tears.
At first, I meditated on the Scripture accompanying each prayer out of habit. As I settled in to pray for my husband, from the first word, all of the anger I felt unwound itself from around my thoughts and heart. Prayer forced my faith-life into the open. During my argument, I didn’t remember that God was at work in my husband, and I didn’t recognize my own sinful nature. I was treating my husband as an obstacle rather than my ally.
I slowly and purposely sat with each aspect of the prayer and was awake to ways I was placing my expectations on my husband to fill my needs rather than on Christ. As my tense soul muscles relaxed, I prayed, knowing God is faithful to complete his work in my husband and me. With a clearer perspective, I could re-engage my husband with love, not because I felt like it—I didn’t. Feelings of love returned only after the daily act of trading my perspective for God’s.
Those smaller, unseen moments when we practice faith (valuing God’s perspective above our own) strengthen and grow us to love others like God loves us. Forgiveness is a day-to-day choice to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus rather than people and circumstances. Forgiveness is a spiritual muscle that looks for God’s promises, purpose, and provision in places the world deems impossible. It is what Jesus used from the Cross when He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34, NIV)
Long before the Cross, Jesus formed the spiritual habit of stepping away and praying that God’s will be done in His life and the world. I am convinced that forgiveness was a regular part of that conversation. Forgiveness is coming into agreement with God’s purpose and plan for humanity. A daily workout, yes, but one that results in transformed relationships and unmerited grace.
Questions for Reflection:
- Have you ever been so angry at someone that you decided you would never forgive them? What did you do about it? How did God factor into your decision?
- When these types of emotions happen, what are some good ways to include God in your healing process? Take a moment to consider this, and then create a God-inspired plan to help you forgive.