Don’t Give Up on That Hard Relationship
Hard relationships. Something none of us want but all of us have. Maybe it’s a difficult parent-child relationship. You’re not sure where things went wrong with your mom or dad, but you can hardly remember a time when the relationship wasn’t strained. Or maybe your own kid fights you on everything and always seems to be in trouble. Perhaps it’s your marriage that’s hard. Or your employer or employees. Or a sibling. Or a coworker. Maybe it’s a person at church or even a pastor.
Regardless, you probably have at least one relationship in your life that is just flat-out hard work. Every time you try to make progress, you’re met with resistance. If you’re anything like me, you might wish that the relationship would dissolve so you won’t have to deal with it anymore. And for some relationships, a time may come when you should pull the plug. But that’s the exception, not the rule. If anyone had a cause to give up on a difficult relationship, it was Paul with the Corinthian church. However, despite really hard things, he kept going—and you can too.
The Work
Relationships are difficult not just because people sometimes do mean things; they’re hard because they require an incredible amount of work. Consider Paul’s work with the Corinthians.
Initial Investment
Eighteen months. That was how long Paul stayed in Corinth to disciple many new converts in the city and, undoubtedly, see many more turn to Christ. For a year and a half Paul poured into the lives of these neophyte believers. He worked during the day as a tentmaker (Acts 18:3) and used his downtime for discipleship efforts. No doubt at the end of this year and a half of concentrated ministry, Paul was exhausted—yet full.
Can you relate? To whom have you ministered and labored? Your time, your resources, your brainpower, your energy—you’ve surrendered it all for the sake of the kingdom to see a person grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior (2 Pet. 3:18).
Course Correction
The effort Paul expended in Corinth must have seemed like a picnic compared to what would come next. Paul received word that the Corinthians with whom he had just spent a year and half had fallen into some Serious sins. (Yes, that’s Serious with a capital “S.”) So he wrote them a letter—we know it as 1 Corinthians—in which he addressed these very problems and answered some of their questions.
But that wasn’t quite enough. He would have to visit them again—a painful visit filled with confrontation of sin. And even that wouldn’t be the end of the Corinthians’ problems. Paul also sent a “severe letter” to address the ongoing sin issues (which isn’t included in Scripture). In short, Paul spent a lot of time and ink trying to reach the Corinthians’ stubborn and rebellious hearts.
How about you? Have you had to confront someone repeatedly? Maybe you feel like all you do with this person is talk about their sin. Over and over again, you’ve tried to graciously, winsomely, and lovingly point out the waywardness of their actions and attitudes. And yet they persist. More than once, you’ve vowed to wash your hands of the whole matter, but the Holy Spirit just won’t let you.
The Hard
Maybe you thought that last bit was the hard part. Sadly, no. At least not for Paul. For him, the punches kept coming. Read through 2 Corinthians, and you’ll hear overtones of the difficulty he had in his relationship with this church. Not only did they persist in their sin issues, but they also began to turn on Paul himself.
First, they misinterpreted his actions. He had planned to swing through Corinth on his way to Macedonia, but in order to spare the people another painful visit, he decided against it. The Corinthians apparently misconstrued his absence and assumed that he’d lied to them (2 Cor. 1:15–2:4). They chose to think the worst of Paul rather than assume the best—not exactly a mark of love (1 Cor. 13:7).
Not only that, but they started listening to negative voices about the apostle. Apparently, some “super apostles” had gotten a foothold in Corinth, vaunting themselves as superior to the likes of Peter, John, and Paul. Thus, Paul found himself having to defend his apostleship, sufferings for Christ, and apostolic credentials. Instead of sticking up for the guy who had spent more than a year with them, they turned on him and believed the worst.
Maybe this resonates with you. You’ve seen people you’ve loved, ministered to, and discipled turn their back on you and believe the worst about you. It hurts. In similar situations, I want nothing to do with a person like that. How about you?
The Good
Believe it or not, Paul’s ministry to the Corinthians has a pretty happy ending. Finally, after all of the letters and visits, they did repent—not just “worldly sorrow” (tears over getting caught) but godly repentance. Paul states it this way:
I now rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because your grief led to repentance. For you were grieved as God willed, so that you didn't experience any loss from us. (2 Corinthians 7:9)
Paul’s genuine and persistent love turned out to be worth it in the case of the Corinthians—at least most of them. He still had more work to do (see 2 Cor. 13:1–10). However, a storybook ending may not be the case for you. We’re not promised repentance or soft hearts in those we love.
A perfect example is Judas, the disciple who spent three years at Jesus’ side and was trusted enough to handle money for the group. In the end he betrayed his Master and handed Him over to be killed.
But even if your relationship takes a Judas turn, don’t buy the lie that your labor was wasted. Time, effort, and energy poured into another person doesn’t affect just their heart; it affects yours as well. That type of investment—when done from a place of genuine love—always reaps eternal rewards, even if the harvest doesn’t arrive until Christ returns.
I realize at some point you may need to cut off a relationship. After all, Jesus does warn us not to throw our pearls before swine (Matt. 7:6). However, don’t use that admonition as the easy way out of an unpleasant situation. Persevere in the work and in the hard. You never know what God might do!
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