“You shall not commit adultery.”

-Exodus 20:14, NIV (from The Ten Commandments)

Fact: Cheaters are marriage flunkies.

One of the most basic lessons in Christian marriage is adhering to this classic and consistent prohibition regarding sex with marriage outsiders.

Cheaters have–spectacularly, in some cases–flunked this most basic of marriage lessons.

Yet for some reason, pastors and other Christian leaders go rushing to these marriage flunkies for marriage advice. It is madness.

Such is one of the many absurdities that come when divorce is never an option!

In the name of full-disclosure, I once counted myself among the crowd of pastors and Christians who engaged in this absurdity.

I was blind the stupidity of asking a cheater how to fix the marriage she blew up with her own infidelity. Such happens when one is heavily committed to avoiding divorce as I was at the time.

It was absurd. And I wished more wise Christians would have pointed out this obvious fact:

Until someone has mastered MARRIAGE FIDELITY 101, they ought to be silent as it comes to marriage advice!

I believe this is doubly true when it comes to the marriage they decimated by committing adultery.

It is like thinking a first grader who has yet to master the basic math tables is qualified to lecture a high school, advanced calculus student on how to do integrative equations.

Maybe some day the first grader will be able to lecture the high school student about the finer matters of Calculus, but that day is far off and after much work mastering the basics.

That day is NOT one day after the first grader flunked her first math table exam.

Pastors, you look just as foolish as the teacher who tells the flunky first grader to lecture the high school honors student on how to do Calculus. Do you realize this?

The first grader–i.e. the cheater–might play along  and lecture the more advanced student–i.e. faithful spouse–but you are doing no one any favors by engaging in this foolishness.

Your efforts are better spent upon doing remedial lessons on the basics of Christian marriage with the flunky–namely, insisting and ensuring they master the concepts of MARRIAGE FIDELITY 101.


*A version of this post ran previously. Marriage flunkies–i.e. cheaters–are still dispensing advice.