When we forgive, we do not forget. The experiences we have had stay with us–especially the hard ones. Few things are harder than discovering your spouse cheated on you!

I am sure I will carry the technicolor memory of my ex-wife quasi-confessing her cheating on Thanksgiving Eve 2012 for the rest of my wife.

This has no bearing on whether or not I have forgiven her–i.e. released her to God’s justice or mercy. I have.

Memories will remain. They may be difficult, but they protect us by serving as warnings to us. Such memories inform us as to who is and is not safe. The memories are not the enemy.

And just because we remember or are impacted by those memories have no bearing on whether we’ve forgiven our abuser or not!

We don’t get a lobotomy when we forgive. God allows us to keep our memories in order to help us survive. (Sometimes, I think it would be nicer if we could have a selective lobotomy… but God didn’t design us that way.)