How can I overcome “mom’s guilt”

Am I being a good mother? Are my efforts reasonable enough?

Have you ever asked these questions to yourself? As mothers, we sometimes feel that others are better than us, and we call it mom’s guilt.

It is the feeling we feel when we worry about what we do as mothers. Also, mom’s guilt is about thinking that we are inadequate to being a mom to our children. 

For instance, we feel guilty about allowing our children to watch on our cell phones or iPad instead of playing with them. Since you have a lot of tasks to finish, you do not have a choice but to let them stay in one corner and watch. 

Moreover, there are times when you feel bad about yelling at them once they spill their milk on the floor because you are tired. 

Besides, if you were a working mom, you also feel guilty about not having enough time with your children since you have a deadline to meet. 

In addition, those who choose to be stay-at-home moms feel guilty about not being able to have money to buy new toys or clothes for their children. 

Those are just some situations that make moms feel bad about themselves.

They say that mom’s guilt could make our tough job harder. 

Negative impacts of Mom’s guilt

There are adverse effects of feeling guilty as a mom. Instead of being empowered to do our role, it could destroy us and hurt our children. 

Here are some adverse effects of Mom’s guilt.

Low self-esteem

Feeling guilty could make us feel like a “bad mom.” We would feel like our children do not deserve us as their mothers. 

If you feel like a bad mother, you need more confidence to discipline and care for your child. You will always doubt your instincts and worry if you are doing the right thing.

Unhealthy mental wellbeing

As moms, if we let our guilt drive us, it could lead us to depression and poor mental fitness. We cannot think well for the good of our kids and family. 

Thus, it could lead us to have unhappy homes.

Without having mental stability, we could not function as mothers to our children. There would be a possibility that we could hurt them due to our stress and depression instead of showing our love for them.

Trying hard to be a super mom

Some mothers who feel their efforts are not reasonable enough would push themselves harder and try to do more. This is an excellent way to overcome guilt; however, if we do too much that we are pressured, it might not help us.

Moreover, trying to do it all could result in burnout. 

Ways to overcome mom’s Guilt

Although we all have various parenting styles, we should know how to face our guilts to help us become better parents.

Having guilt feelings as moms could hinder us from becoming the better version of ourselves for our kids if we let our emotions drive us. 

Here are some ways to help us win over our mom’s guilt

Commit to God

If you commit your role as a mother to God, you could expect Him to work with you. God did not entrust our kids to us if He would leave us and do the job alone.

Sometimes we feel guilty because we try to do everything on our own and forget God is there. This is one of the primary factor why feel tired.

If we surrender our motherhood to Him, He will help and guide us to become the mother He designed us to be.

Pause and breathe

Our guilty feelings sometimes arise suddenly without us expecting them. Sometimes when you look at your child sleeping, you suddenly feel guilty about not sleeping with them because you need to finish your tasks.

Besides, whenever we see other mothers carrying a lot of snacks or grocery supplies, we suddenly feel guilty for not giving our children that kind of life. 

If you feel this sudden guilt, pause and take a deep breath. It helps you think clearly and see what you can be thankful for as a mother. 

Also, pausing and taking a deep breath help calm your mind.

Take it easy

Do not be so hard on yourself. You should not pressure yourself to do everything for you to feel enough for your kids. You could ask Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, to help us carry our burdens. 

More importantly, pressured moms often lead to irritation, worry, and anxiety. These things would not be helpful for us to take care of our children properly. 

Try to do it one at a time and celebrate your small wins. 

Know why

We can never solve the problems that we do not know the root cause of. You can try to write a journal and take note of the things that trigger your guilt. 

Recording these things could help you be aware and careful the next time to avoid feeling bad as a mom. You can also identify practical measures to help you deal with your guilt.

Make yourself a priority

As moms, we feel guilty about making ourselves a priority. For instance, we buy something for ourselves like shoes, bags, and clothes. 

Moreover, we feel guilty about buying ourselves our favorite food once in a while. However, if we do not prioritize our well-being, it would be difficult for us to be happy doing our roles as mothers. 

Thus, we should also prioritize ourselves, and that is not an act of selfishness but self-love. Tina Turner said, our greatest beauty is when we feel happy about ourselves.

Listen to yourself

Mothers sometimes let others' opinions control them. A mom’s intuition is suited to know the needs of her child. Most of the time, you, as their mom know exactly what they need.

The more we listen to others' judgment, the more we could feel that we are not good enough. Always remember that God has entrusted you to your children because she believes in your capability. 

Never question your worth as a mom. You are unique, just like other moms. 

Not because it is effective for their child means it would also be perfect for your kids. You know what is best for them.

Take control of your feelings

When you are attacked by mom guilt, tell yourself you are a hardworking and dedicated mother. Sometimes opposing our feelings will help us be reminded of our identity. 

We may not change our situations, but we can choose to control our emotions. 

Find support

Of course, we may not know everything as mothers, so still we need support from others. Find a support group that you can trust and not just judge you as a mother. 

Furthermore, the church could be the perfect place to seek support from mature Christian mothers. They would help you discover your uniqueness to be the kind of mother that pleases God. 

Besides, they will teach you how you can get over your guilty feelings.

Additionally, if you need professional help, then do not hesitate to ask for it. Be humble enough to accept that you need people to help you. The more you are willing to deal with your guilt, the more confident you can be a mom. 

More so, if you have a long-distance set up with your husband, your friends, family, or church members could be your support system.

Have a break

Although you are a supermom for your children, you can also get tired. You are allowed to take a break from motherhood. You can ask your husband to look after the kids and spend some time alone or with friends. 

Do not feel bad about going out with friends. You deserve a break after doing all the household chores while taking care of your children. 

In addition, taking a break could renew your energy to do your job as a mother. Also, you could ask someone you trust to babysit your children while you and your husband would go out for a date.

Having a date would not only strengthen your relationship but also could give you a break on parenting.