How should we handle fights in marriage?

Can we fight fairly in marriage? 

The early stage of marriage is crucial since this determines how you and your spouse will handle your fights as time passes. 

It would significantly impact the kind of home you would have for your children.

However, the biggest question is, can we remain calm when fighting with our spouse? How can we please the Lord amidst our fights with our spouses? 

Moreover, the truth is, it is very challenging to control our words and actions when our emotions run high. 

When we burst out from our anger, we might say words and do things we regret after the fight. 

Thus, it could result in resentment even when you think the fight is over. 

On the other hand, we need to understand that arguments or conflicts in marriage are vital in your relationship. 

We should know how to we must learn how to handle conflicts in our marriage.

How should we handle fights in marriage

Handling fights without hurting each other takes time. Like in achieving our goals, addressing marital arguments takes a long process. 

It is a matter of choosing your marriage over your issues, no matter what. 

However, we cannot handle it all ourselves and need God’s intervention and guidance. 

Here are some ways we could handle our fights with our spouses.

Set rules 

Before the fight, it is better to discuss it with your spouse and set some rules. With this, you will agree on what to do and what not to do during your arguments. 

Though it may be challenging to follow the rules amidst your fight, at least you would try your best to be careful in fighting. 

Besides, setting rules could not only help you preserve your marriage but also your respect for each other. 

Moreover, when you both agree not to fight in front of your kids, you protect them from the detrimental effects as they grow up. 

Talk about when and where you should be having your arguments without having your kids around. Both of you should obey the rules.

Do not give in

Proverbs 26:4 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be just like him.”

If your spouse provokes you into an argument, try not to give in and fight back as much as possible. 

Keeping quiet or controlling ourselves could be challenging, but we must choose our battles.

Some conflicts could be resolved when we do not give in. Remember that how we respond to our partner reflects how we answer to God.

Moreover, your self-control is extensively tested in your marriage. One way to show that Jesus is within us is to have self-control.

Be sensitive

With all the pressures we face at work, at home, and even in the church, there could be times when your spouse is tired and down. 

So, we must be sensitive to their feelings and try to be more understanding.

For instance, a husband might feel pressured at work, so he just wants to sleep when he gets home. As a wife, instead of nagging him to help you with all the chores, let him rest for a while. 

Meanwhile, if you see your wife tired from all her work and taking care of your kids, do not be demanding and let her take a break.  

Marriage is about endless understanding of your spouse's weaknesses and struggles. 

Listen before you speak

James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

Nothing is solved when no one is willing to listen. Though this could be so difficult, it is one of the primary essentials to have a healthy and happy marriage. 

Listening before we respond to our spouses gives us room to know their concerns and understand where they are coming from. 

Besides, nothing is resolved when we allow the anger to come in before we know their problems. 

Therefore, let us avoid getting angry and lend our ears to our spouses. 

Stick with the issue

When we are in the middle of an argument, it is easy to redirect to other issues, leading to more misunderstandings. Getting off the topic is particularly common when we deflect criticism. 

Additionally, most women love to go over the past amidst their fights with their spouses. They try to use these past fights to explain why they have another issue. 

However, we cannot fight fair with our spouse when we do this. We should not use past issues to manipulate the situation.

We should therefore stick to the current issue and find a solution to fix it. The goal of having arguments is to know what things to improve, not to condemn our spouse.

Be willing to forgive and forget

The willingness to forgive and forget the mistakes of our spouse could be ideal for a perfect marriage. However, the Bible says that we should not keep records of wrongs in love. 

1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

We can forgive and keep no record of the wrongs of our spouse, no matter how painful it is. 

Because when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, His spirit dwells in us as we become a new creation. 

Again, this is not an overnight achievement. It may take time to heal from the wounds of your fight. 

When we surrender everything to God, including our pain, He will free us from our resentment and heal our broken hearts. 

If we want our marriage to be healthy and last longer, we should be willing to choose our love for our spouse over our pride. Satan will use our pain to destroy our marriage and steal our joy.

Do not assume

Making assumptions means we are trying to fill in the gaps of missing information. We assume about our spouse’s motives and thoughts. 

For example, the wife assumes their husband knows their feelings. So, when her husband does not respond to her feelings, she would tell that he is insensitive. 

However, marriage is also about being open. We cannot assume that our spouse is good at guessing everything we think. 

You can tell your spouse openly and nicely about what you are going through so they can understand us. 

No insults or shouting allowed

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Our words could make or break our spouse. It could boost or decrease their self-esteem. 

However, insulting and shouting at our spouse when we are overwhelmed with our emotions during a fight is easy. 

Nevertheless, we should control and guard our mouths not to say something we would reject in the future. 

No matter how hard it is not to yell at our spouse and insult them to give them the same pain they have caused us, we should try to preserve our respect for them.

Pray

Some fights could not be resolved overnight. We should pray for ourselves and also for our spouses. Remember that marriage is a union between you and your spouse before the Lord. 

Ask God to help you have self-control and understanding of your spouse’s needs and concerns. 

Besides, we could also ask God to help our spouse understands our issues. 

You will see that the more we pray for our spouse, the more God will intervene in your misunderstandings or arguments. 

Furthermore, God would change your heart and humbly you when we pray to him.