My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins- James 5:19-20 ESV

Love is an issue that doesn’t look particularly complex or messy on the surface, but it is.  Actions that look and feel loving sometimes aren’t and actions that appear harsh are sometimes the most loving course of action.  God’s love for humanity demonstrates this conundrum perfectly. God loves us more than anyone can even imagine (John 3:16, Romans 8:38-39). Nevertheless, God doesn’t always (ever) give anyone everything they want or think they need. God also frequently allows individuals to experience trouble, discomfort and hardship because struggles draw folks closer to Him and refine their character (Isaiah 48:10, James 1:1-3, Hebrews 12:5-7)

Like I said, it’s complex and messy.

The muddle promptly becomes messier when we are called to love a prodigal child. A prodigal can be defined as anyone who once knew God (or knew of God) and has since walked away from any pretense of a relationship with God. The Bible tells the story of a prodigal son who wandered far from God and estranged from his earthly father. 

Our world is full of prodigals. Many prodigals have also cut ties with their earthly parents.  This leaves parents wondering how to best love children who have wandered from home and left their parents brokenhearted by their choices. The biblical story of the prodigal son (Luke 11:15-32) is a story with more than one level and meaning. On one level it is a story about how God relates to people. It was intended to prepare the Jews (who represent the older brother) for God’s welcoming of the gentiles (who represent the younger brother) into His Kingdom through faith in the sacrifice of Jesus (Ephesians 2:1-22, Colossians 1:25-28, Galatians 3:28). On another level the story gives much needed guidance and wisdom as to how best love a wandering son or daughter.

We love a prodigal when we:

Understand the spiritual reality behind the child’s choice-

Most prodigals sever relationships with family for the same reason the prodigal son did. They want to live a life of sin. They know they cannot comfortably live a sinful life in front of the people who love them, so they do what the prodigal did. They make their choice to sever ties about the parent rather than their desire to live a sinful life.  (Luke 15:11-13). It’s critical parents of prodigals recognize that a child living in sin will avoid anyone whose presence sparks any kind of spiritual conviction. The choice to leave is not always all about the parent.  At least some of the choice is very much about the state of the child’s heart. 

Choose restraint-

One truly notable aspect of the prodigal account is the restraint of the father.  The man clearly loved his son. Nonetheless, he did not beg him to stay, nor did he send long letters or servants to plead with his son to return. He certainly did not endeavor to make his son’s life easier by sending him little gifts or monetary support.  Instead, the father let him go and prayed like crazy. He worked on himself and trusted God to do whatever hard thing needed to be done in the life of his child. His goal was not simply to reconnect with his son. He wanted his son back in right relationship with God because he understood that a right relationship with God is a healing force in all our earthly relationships. It is not wrong to attempt to connect with a wayward child. Adult children need to know they are loved unconditionally. That said, it is critical we trust the Lord and avoid using emotional appeals, money or gifts to lure them back into relationship. We must accept the reality that God may need to do some hard things in their life that simply cannot be done if mom and dad are “helping” too much or working too hard to win them back.  

Don’t affirm or celebrate anything God wouldn’t affirm or celebrate- 

Many of today’s prodigals demand their parents celebrate and affirm sinful lifestyle choices as a condition of continuing the relationship. This is wrong on many levels. It is critical parents do not allow their children to become idols (1st John 5:21). We cannot put their preferences before God and His commands (Exodus 20:3). Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to love someone without affirming their sinful choices. God does it all the time. 

Pray for them-

Refusing to forgive someone is a serious sin (Matthew 6:15, Matthew 18:21-35, Mark 11:25-26). Sadly, unforgiveness is at the heart of most estrangements. Furthermore, just like the prodigal in Luke 15 most prodigals are also tangled up in all sorts of other sins (1st Corinthians 6:9-11, Galatians 5:19, 2nd Timothy 3:1-5). Godly parents can best love a prodigal by praying fervently and often that the child “comes to their senses” and repent of their sins (Luke 15:17-19).

And finally, 

Keep growing- 

Waiting is never easy. Waiting for a prodigal is a whole new level of hard and the temptation to give into bitterness is real (Hebrews 12:15, Ephesians 4:31).  I am convinced God wants us to do what the father in the story did. The father trusted God do what needed to be done in his son. He never gave up hope and he never stopped praying for his child. I also believe (although the text doesn’t say it explicitly) that the father chose to grow as a believer and as a person while he waited. I suspect that hurting dad made a regular practice of examining his heart. Then he worked on the things he needed to work on and repented of the things he needed to repent of. It was his commitment to trusting, praying and spiritual growth that prepared him to welcome his son home with open arms, a soft heart and big party.