It Is A Matter Of The Heart - Impacting Righteously

Some men desire and pursue healthy relationships and will make a wonderful spouse for someone one day! These men are harder to come by, but even when they are available and pursue a woman, she may not be interested. Some women are going with the man who is not the best choice, or not even a good choice, but they find him appealing for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes, the reason for a woman’s choice in a man is based on her personal preferences taking priority over moral standards.

I have questioned myself as to whether or not I could have missed a blessing in the past, because the man may have been wrapped in packaging that did not meet my preferences, but he could very well have met my standards had I gotten to know him. Was it that I wasn’t into his looks, so I missed out on a decent guy?

In a case like that, it would have been worth getting to know him. Although I don’t want to dwell too much on the past, I am prayerful about this for the present and future, in case this type of situation comes up. I don’t want to miss my blessing!

Sometimes, once standards are met, a woman may find that as a result, her previous personal preferences don’t matter so much. She is able to readjust and see him differently, after looking deeper. She is able to find his personality and character traits healthy and appealing. After that, the rest falls in place; the overall package can become appealing.

Unfortunately, some of the decent men out there may not be deemed “exciting” enough and will be avoided by certain women.

Even though women are aware that they want a decent guy and should have a healthy relationship, they often are attracted to the men who are not good for them and they end up in unhealthy relationships.

I know someone who ended up unhappy in her marriage. She has been wondering what would have happened, had she chosen the other man who was interested in her. He had good things about him, but she thought he was boring. It was as simple as that! She went for the man she thought was exciting and charming, and ended up deceived, unfulfilled and very disappointed.

Here are some reasons women may become involved with the wrong man:

• “Chemistry.”

There is a feeling of attraction or connection, which can be powerful and deceiving, but it is superficial.

• His money.

• He is good looking/nice physique.

• He has “swag”.

• Charmer/ smooth talker

• He is cocky (this may be seen as confidence, but is more likely insecurity/ narcissism).

• He has a bad attitude and she finds it appealing and masculine.

• He seems dangerous and she is attracted to danger.

• He appears to not have himself together and she wants to work on him as her personal project to fix him up.

• He is popular with the ladies/is a player and it will make her feel special if she can snag him and get him to settle down with her.

• Covetousness; he is already taken, and the idea of forbidden fruit is a turn on.

• She is needy, lonely, desperate.

I absolutely know the importance of a man being an adequate provider. I also understand that people need to be attracted to each other and there should be chemistry.

However, I understand the need to keep God first and pray for direction. Regardless of the reason women decide to become involved with a man, it is important to always prioritize character.

Does he know and love the Lord?

Does he have the right character qualities in general?

I will share with you that when it comes to physique, I personally find taller men with shapely, muscular arms very appealing. I just love those manly arms! I do not want that however, to distract me from his character qualities. Getting to know the man’s character is most important. His looks or stature should not be the determing factor. His possessions, including his money, do not make him.

This is where a lot of women go wrong:

• They judge a man based on how he appears, or based on what he has, instead of making a wise decision, based on who he is.

• This goes back to conditioning, where boys are often conditioned to define themselves based on career achievements and material possessions.

• Consequently, some women place high importance on a man’s assets and will judge him accordingly. Remember, if his character is right, the rest will fall into place, including his finances. It is about the condition of his heart.

But the Lord said unto Samuel, “Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”  1 Samuel 16: 7.