“I was going to tell you, but I thought you’d get angry,” says Cheater. “You’re really going to blame me for your cheating and lying?” asks Faithful Spouse. Really, gonna go with that?! The sad thing is that we–faithful spouses–often let Cheaters off the hook. Of course, you cannot get angry or then you confirm … Continue reading "Gonna go with that?!"
When the infidelity betrayal is fresh, a temptation exists to write off an entire gender. I think this is very common for faithful spouses. I think it is part of the grief process. We feel vulnerable and betrayed. The trauma of it all makes us want to avoid putting ourselves in a place where … Continue reading "Temptation to write off all…"
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! -I Corinthians 6:15, NIV Cheater, you are the aggressor, not the victim, here! For whatever reasons, people are often taken in by the pity story a caught cheater spins … Continue reading "Cheaters are NOT the victims."
It’s okay to miss them. I think of all the losses that come with dealing with infidelity. You lose more relationships than just your relationship with the Cheater. The family and friends loss are big losses as well. Now, I understand that many of these people reveal themselves to not be true friends. Yet, many … Continue reading "It’s ok to miss them."
“What happened to us?” asks Cheater. “You cheated, and so, we divorced. It’s pretty simple,” says Faithful Spouse. Cheaters asking this question are not asking for information. They are attempting to shift blame onto you, faithful spouse. Your current marriage ending narrative makes them look bad; so, they are attempting to manipulate you into accepting … Continue reading "Cheater-Speak: “What happened?”"
For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body. -2 Corinthians 5:10, NLT Yes, Cheaters are fully responsible for an emotional affair. It is not the result of a wily affair partner. It is not … Continue reading "Yes, emotional affairs are FULLY the Cheater’s fault!"
When Cheaters go to pastoral counseling with their victims, they may have no interest in actually dealing with The Problem. They have successfully convinced themselves that the cheating was caused by circumstances outside of themselves. Cheaters might even blame their spouse for the cheating (see “The Shared Responsibility Lie“). These sessions are doomed. The cheating … Continue reading "The Problem is not a problem to them."
“I’m being faithful to God,” says Cheater. “It sounds like you believe that [which is a complete lie],” replies Faithful Spouse. Saying does not make it so! Cheaters say all sorts of things. You could have them dead to rights, and they will bust out this gem (see above). To them, their lies need not … Continue reading "Saying does not make it so."
36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? 37 Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? -Mark 8:36-37, KJV But they are so successful and behave as if nothing happened! They’re off living this luxurious life while I am struggling to … Continue reading "What does it profit…"
“How did you find out?” says incredulous, busted Cheater (“Shoot! He DID find out. I gotta figure out how to shut down that channel of information!”) When a cheater gets busted and their first impulse is to learn how you discovered them, you know that cheater is the opposite of repentant. Such is pride speaking–namely, … Continue reading "Cheater-Speak: “How did you find out?”"
When Cheaters have decided to discard you, there is no reasoning with them. They have already closed their minds. To them, you are this evil person that they are “entitled” to cheat on and discard. Facts to the contrary will not be entertained. They are totally given over to the lies in their hearts. You … Continue reading "No reasoning with them"
Why create an infidelity abuse survivor support group? When I went through my experience of divorce from my Cheater, nothing like this existed. The closest is a national Christian ministry for divorce situations in general. That syndicated ministry was helpful because of the excellent local leaders. Yet it was not exactly what I needed. Unique … Continue reading "Why an infidelity abuse support group? Cheated On Support Group Starts 9-9-24!"
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. -Colossians 2:8, NLT “… for better or worse… rich or poor…” Cheaters do not allow the traditional wedding vows to touch their hearts. They come at marriage … Continue reading "Value Added Worldly Wisdom"
If everyone is focused on your “shortcomings,” then they aren’t bothering the Cheater. This is a classic move by Cheaters. They convince the pastor or other helper to focus upon the faithful spouse and their so called “shortcomings.” The faithful spouse takes the hit as they might be terrified of the marriage ending. It is … Continue reading "If everyone is focused on your “shortcomings”…"
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. -Matthew 6:24, NIV Always Calculating THEIR “Deal!” One dynamic with Cheaters is how they approach relationships. The marriage is simply … Continue reading "Always calculating THEIR deal!"
What should a spouse do when there is infidelity in marriage? This short post will show you my response to a question from a lady who had extra marital affairs many years ago and have kept it from her husband. She wanted to know what she should do about the situation because her peace had […]
This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. -John 3:19, NIV Family Rule: Keep up appearances! I wonder how many of us, faithful spouses, married into families where appearances were of the utmost importance. Our Cheaters were conditioned from the earliest … Continue reading "Family Rule: Keeping up appearances"
“I’m being faithful to God,” says Cheater. “Sounds like you believe that,” replies faithful spouse knowing otherwise. I don’t miss arguing over reality with my Cheater. Those were crazy-making experiences. She would attempt to force her will on me to agree to a certain narrative. It was a power struggle. I am glad those days … Continue reading "“Sounds like you believe that.”"
“I think it’s best for both of us if we live apart.” -Cheater Cheaters saying this is speaking for both parties to serve their own nefarious agenda–i.e. unfettered access to cheat. Strange how Cheaters get to decide for the whole couple what is best! They did not ask but rather told their partner what is … Continue reading "Cheater-Speak: “I think it is best….”"
45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. -Luke 6:45, NIV Cheating is the manifestation of what the Cheater stored up in … Continue reading "Whatever they stored up…."