MENTAL HEALTH MONDAYS: Triggers, Not Just Roy Rogers Horse - The DV Walking Wounded:

Yep, I’m old. I used to watch westerns with Roy Rogers as the main star. Roy was an American singer, actor, television host, and rodeo performer in the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s. He was a real life cowboy…one with a beautiful golden Palomino horse named Trigger. He was NEVER in a movie without his beautiful and faithful steed. That was the main reason I watched Roy Rogers. I had a major crush on Trigger. He was my dream horse…well, I would’ve taken ANY horse, really, but I adored his golden color and personality.

Fast forward to now, I am not keen on the triggers I have from domestic abuse and all of the mental trauma I have been through. They wear me out, quite honestly. Not sure what I’m referring to?

In the context of trauma and domestic violence, a trigger is something that brings up intense emotional or physical responses due to past traumatic experiences. These responses can be involuntary and may feel overwhelming, as if the person is reliving the traumatic event, even though it’s in the present moment. Military veterans can also experience these in relation to combat or other stressful situations they were put into during war or conflict.

Triggers are often linked to specific aspects of the trauma, such as sights, sounds, smells, words, or feelings that remind a survivor of the abuse they experienced. These sensory cues can evoke flashbacks, panic attacks, or feelings of intense fear, helplessness, anger, or sadness.

Triggers might vary greatly from person to person because trauma is a deeply personal experience, and what triggers one survivor might not affect another in the same way. For example:

• A loud noise could remind someone of an argument or a violent outburst. Many of my veteran friends dislike firework displays, for good reason.
• A certain smell might remind someone of the place where the abuse occurred. I have had the smell of something trigger a response in me so strong, I vomited.
• A specific phrase or tone of voice could trigger memories of being threatened or belittled. My youngest child, now an adult, has no idea how much the cadence of his voice sounds like his father’s. I cannot have a disagreement with him, and it’s not his fault — he doesn’t quite understand.
• A certain date might bring back memories of a significant incident, like an anniversary of when the violence started or a particularly traumatic event. My body knows and tenses up when my former wedding anniversary nears, whether I’ve been paying attention to the calendar or not.
• A certain way a person acts can cause behavioral and emotional triggers to surface. When I participated in a personal protection class, I could not personally have my hands bound in ANY way, especially behind my back, because I would have a massive panic attack. My Abuser did that to me frequently, while in active abuse. I would almost curl up like a kitten being picked up by the scruff of its neck like a Mama cat. I knew struggling would be worse. I have warned my boyfriend of this, because I might freak out and kick and thrash, hurting either myself and/or him, inadvertently. It’s a survival response.

For survivors of DV, triggers can bring back the feelings of powerlessness, fear, or isolation that they experienced during the abusive situation. It’s important to recognize that these reactions are normal and are part of the brain’s survival mechanism. Unfortunately, they often occur unexpectedly and can be distressing, even years after the abuse has ended. These feelings can be so debilitating, they can evoke a fight, flight, or freeze response.

Learning to identify and manage triggers is a crucial part of healing. By understanding and acknowledging what triggers a survivor’s emotional or physical response, they can work toward strategies and coping mechanisms that help them regain a sense of control over their lives.

Triggers can impede healing, if a person doesn’t learn how to manage them. Friends and family should be mindful of things that might set off their survivor, but not tiptoe around them either. Ultimately, as the survivor, it is YOUR responsibility to learn how to neutralize and live with these things, in the course of your healing.

The best way to handle triggers head on is to identify them. Journal what they are and how you can combat them. Discuss them and techniques with your mental healthcare provider. I had to figure out what worked to soothe ME, as everyone is different. Google trigger coping techniques. Here’s what I have found helpful:

• Learn grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1)
• Telling yourself, out loud if need be, that “I am safe. I got this. I am a strong, capable woman. I am worthy. I am loved.” Repeat as much as needed.
• Eat something sour to avoid a panic attack (I have found sour sugar-free candy I keep on me at all times)
• Keep an inhaler on you, if you’re asthmatic, to help with clear breathing, during a panic attack. Panic can lock you up more than you might be aware.
• Take a walk and listen to music to de-escalate yourself (bilateral music works GREAT, if you can find songs that are in that mode)
• Cold water to the face helps, patting dry with a soft and warm cloth
• Breathe in through your nose, counting to 5, then blowing it out through your mouth, counting to 5. Repeat as much as needed, until your heart stops beating wildly and slows to a calm rate of BPM.
• An ice pack over the eyes (also making it dark) or on the back of the neck, at the base of the skull, when comfortably leaning forward. This can help if the person feels faint.

Honestly, there are SO many techniques. If you are not sure what works for you, make a list of them and try them, noting which ones were effective. Make this a part of your safety plan. Seriously!

Also, once healed, you may need to help someone through their triggers. Here’s what is best when you (or maybe a family member helping you) may need to do when assisting another in de-escalating: having the person focus on you and the sound of your voice, active listening, empathy and understanding the person’s perspective (do not reference what YOU feel, it’s about them), and maintaining a calm and respectful demeanor. You may need to calmly repeat and remind them that they are safe.

Lastly, seeking professional help is always advisable, as is setting healthy boundaries. Professional help is a hard task, because you have to find a professional that you can financially afford and one that you feel safe with and click with. Finding the time can also be challenging. Also, knowing that you may need medication can assist with choosing professionals also. Boundaries are things that you have to identify that were formerly crossed by your abuser, making a plan on how you are now going to turn those around. I, for one, cannot be hugged. I feel trapped. If someone goes in for a hug, I have to turn it into a hand shake, a fist bump, or a high five. Sometimes I have to explain that I’m not a hugger, for personal reasons — no disrespect intended. It’s best to discuss boundary scenarios with your mental health professional, so you can meet them head-on and change the dynamic.

I hope you found this helpful! Please comment below on your triggers that you struggle with and how you handle them. Need support? Please reach out!

Love and light! Oh, and Happy Trails! <3

(I’ve added the YouTube link to the movie, My Pal Trigger. Enjoy!)