Mismatched values as in light and darkness - Divorce Minister

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

-2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV

Whether one is abandoned or cheated on or both, the reality for faithful spouses is as stark as this verse from 2 Corinthians paints it.

Light cannot fellowship with darkness.

Essential values–like fidelity–were not shared. Just look at the cheater’s actions!

Perhaps, they were not mismatched when we married our (now) exes, but they became that way over time as life’s inevitable pressures exposed the cracks in their character.

Recognizing this mismatch, I find is helpful in the healing process after being discarded or ending one’s marriage.

Oil and water do not go together. Neither do darkness and light.

Those are metaphors for what it is like trying to build a fellowship between two people where one does not value the other’s fidelity. Fidelity in marriage is a basic building block. If both parties are not on the same page as to how precious fidelity is, then they might as well be trying to mix water and oil or forcing the fellowship of darkness and light. It won’t end well.

At that point–i.e. where the spouses are on opposite pages in valuing fidelity as God demands (e.g. Hebrews 13:4)–it is wise to acknowledge that reality. Seeing that reality and accepting it as such helps take the sting out of being cheated on and divorced.

That reality is a reminder that the essential common value building blocks were not there. And without such a foundation of both valuing fidelity to each other as precious, the marriage will never survive or heal. True repentance is not in the deck of options with such a mismatch.

It is best to walk away and accept a biblical divorce. Wasting time trying to mix oil and water serves no one.

*A version of this post ran previously.