My First Christmas Without Mom and Why I Can Still Celebrate

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Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. -- I Thessalonians 4:13-14

As Jesus hung on the Cross, one of His last acts was to care for His mother, entrusting her to John. In just a few words, He comforted Mary, and then we don’t hear anything else about her in Scripture.

As my first Christmas without my mom approaches, I am pondering how Mary felt as each new ‘first’ loomed. She knew that her precious Son had fulfilled His purpose here on earth. She knew why He had come and that, humanly speaking, it would not end well. But is it possible to ever fully be prepared for what she endured, watching people hate, mock, and murder her Son?

When that first birthday or Passover approached, was she relieved that her Son was no longer captive to the body that she had birthed just 33 years before? Or did she dread the day that only months before had celebrated life and freedom? Maybe it was both. Like Mary, many of us face our own ‘firsts’ after loss—holidays, birthdays, ordinary days when grief grips us.

Several years ago, Jesus asked me to step up and take care of my mom in ways a mom never wants to need. Watching her suffer was one of the hardest seasons of my life. I often found myself praying, “How long, O Lord?”

How long do you think Mary anticipated the death of her Son? Do you think she may have prayed, “How long, Adonai?” Do you think she had any regrets?

As Mom’s ability to function greatly decreased, I still got her up and walked with her, exercised, and did puzzles. In anticipation of my times with her, I asked the Lord to show me what I needed to do. “Pray,” was His answer. So, as our walks became shorter and she sat in her wheelchair longer, we prayed. I prayed then asked her what she wanted to pray. Her answer was “everything and all the time.”

“Okay,” I said, “You pray.”

And she did. As her prayers were offered up, it was just her and Jesus. There was no dementia. There were no effects of the Parkinson’s. It was a pure and beautiful sacrifice of praise to our Father and a precious gift to me; a gift meant only for me but one I can share again and again.

Walking my mom to the gates of Glory, I wondered; Have I done enough? Could I have done more to make her comfortable? Did she suffer? Did I tell her everything I needed to? Am I ready to let her go?

Yes, and I daily surrender all, because, as a believer in Jesus, His death and resurrection, I do not grieve as those who have no hope. Her suffering made me desire heaven for her, for me. It allowed me time to just sit and hold her hand and be still.

But I still miss her. I will miss decorating, singing Christmas carols, and making cookies with her. I wonder what Mary missed. Maybe it was the good wine. Maybe it was a sense of comfort He brought when He entered a room. Maybe she missed just sitting in His presence, holding His hand.

I won’t miss watching my precious mom suffer in this broken world. Knowing that Jesus, and Mom through Jesus, defeated death, gives me a reason to celebrate this year. I wish I could hear her singing with her mother and the angels this Christmas. Wow, how beautiful that will be!

If this is your first Christmas season without a loved one, I encourage you to grieve with hope. Cry when you need to. Appreciate the good times you had. Surrender the hurt from the bad times. And, if you need to, reach out to a grief counselor or group. If you have already gone through the grief of the 'firsts,' maybe you can offer comfort to someone who is in that season now.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us. (2 Corinthians 1:3-7)