Pit Dweller Part 3 – My Brother’s Story

Summary of the Pit Dweller Series

All of us have walked in dark places at one time or another. When a life-altering tragedy occurs, it’s like a sinkhole suddenly collapses the sunny sidewalk beneath us. Dropped into a black pit filled with despair, fear and grief, we become reluctant pit dwellers.

 In December 2012, my brother Chris attempted suicide; he died five days later. The Pit Dweller Series is my testimony of the Lord’s goodness during that dark time.

About my Family

My older brother Chris and I grew up in a middle class family in a Detroit suburb. There was just the four of us. Our dad worked as a chemical engineer; our mom stayed home and raised us. Both our parents enjoyed having kids and actively encouraged us in our gifts. Like most Americans, our family had its dysfunction But the cracks didn’t become obvious to me until I was a teenager.

Growing up, our family always attended a local Episcopal church. But as teenagers, Chris and I each decided that we didn’t believe in God. We became atheists, proudly proclaiming “we don’t need a religious crutch.” Soon we only attended church at Christmas and Easter. That was to please Mom. Dad had had a falling out with the Episcopal Church earlier.

He stopped going before his kids did.

Math Genius

In junior high, Chris tested genius level in mathematics. In high school, he had his own group of guys to hang out with. They were like him; math geniuses and chess players who enjoyed having intellectual arguments.

In his senior year in high school, one of the writers for the student paper wrote,

“Chris Hall has mathematically proven he does not exist and has not been seen since.”

All his family and friends laughed, because that quote captured my brother’s essential nature perfectly.

Before college, Chris and I saw the world the same way. He’d always been my main playmate. I could count on my older brother to look out for me. But everything would soon change. Because at the beginning of my sophomore year, I officially stopped being an atheist.

Instead I became a a born-again Christian.

My Brother’s Dream

Chris attended Michigan State University and I followed three years later. His ambition? To become a college mathematics professor. Struggling in my own freshman math class at State, I discovered my brother was quite a good tutor.

University life suited Chris. He enjoyed the intellectual stimulation of delving deeper into science and philosophy and loved debating new ideas. After attaining his bachelor’s degree he went straight into a PhD mathematics program at the University of Maryland, skipping the step of first getting a Master’s degree.

Chris’ greatest challenge was to develop and prove an original mathematical theorem. That’s how he would earn his PhD. It would have to stand up to rigorous mathematical review and be a totally original piece of work. Unfortunately, he got stuck; my brother couldn’t mathematically prove his thesis. Finally, after several frustrating semesters, he gave up and moved back home with Mom.

Dad had died of heart failure a few years earlier.

Post College Life

For Chris, becoming a college professor was plan A and he never developed a plan B. After college he worked off and on, but life defeated him. He’d been unable to fulfill his purpose and became cut off from the university atmosphere he enjoyed so much.

In the meantime, I’d become a born-again Christian my sophomore year at MSU and our formerly close relationship evaporated.

I never stopped missing him.

Caregiver

Over the years, as she grew older, Chris gradually became Mom’s caregiver. He learned to stretch a buck like a rubber band and began paying all the bills. After Mom accidentally burned up a pan, he took over the cooking. When she became unsteady he started going down the basement stairs to do the laundry.

Though he struggled with anger and depression, Chris faithfully looked after our aging mother as she went thru the occasional medical emergency and endured long-term ill health. I sent some money home every month, but Chris did all the heavy lifting.

He stayed independent and stubborn, determined to not ask for help from anyone–including me.

I worried about Chris, but I never worried about Mom. I knew I could trust him to take good care of her.

An Act of Kindness

In the last 3 or 4 years of her life, my atheist brother took Mom to St. Thomas Episcopal Church every Sunday and then sat in the foyer, in case she needed him. People in our old church loved and admired him because of that. When she died of complications from a stroke on March 28, 2012, various people were quick to offer Chris help in moving forward and getting on his feet.

He never took any of the people up on their offer.

Chris needed to find a job quickly. When Mom died, Dad’s social security checks stopped. This meant my brother now had no income. He decided to stay in Michigan, rather than move down to North Carolina, so we gave him some extra money to help him while he made the transition.

A few weeks later, he told me he’d started working in an entry-level position at a local company and I began to be more hopeful about him.

I think it was the only time my brother Chris had ever lied to me.

These images and the yellow arrow were downloaded from Pixabay.com. But Chris’ Hall’s image was supplied by his sister Maureen Hall Puccini.

Editor’s Note:

Please click on the link below the yellow arrow to read earlier posts.

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