“How’d you find out?” asks incredulous, busted Cheater.

When a Cheater gets busted and their first impulse is to learn how you discovered them, you know that cheater is the opposite of repentant.

Notice this question isn’t a denial of the behavior. Asking it is a confirmation of sorts. The arrogant Cheater is flabbergasted that they got caught.

Such is pride speaking–namely, they (wrongly) assumed that they could deceive you forever.

Now, the Cheater wants to know how they got exposed so that they can shore up that vulnerability. The Cheater is demonstrating through that response that they do not care at all about the faithful spouse and the harm they’ve done to them. Your pain–the pain their own actions caused–is not even on their radar.

I wonder how many who come here got this response from their Cheater when he or she was confronted with the truth of their cheating?

Such a response is a sad commentary on how sick the soul of the Cheater is. They are still running from God.

How the faithful spouse found out about the cheating is far less important than the fact cheating was taking place!

People who care about both the Cheater and the faithful spouse will not lose sight of this truth. They will understand such sin is a major matter than needs addressing.

Changing the subject to how such information came to light is just another Cheater tactic to avoid accountability. It helps no one spiritually in the end (see 2 Cor. 5:10).

“How’d you find out?” asks busted Cheater.

“Thanks for confirming for me you are cheating by asking that question. Now, the appropriate response is to apologize for such awful behavior, but I can see doing the right thing is beyond the reach of your current level of character,” replies Faithful Spouse.