The Joy of Marriage
-- Proverbs 18:22
Solomon said that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and gains favor. He also spoke in Proverbs 31 about a virtuous woman/wife and compared her price to being far greater than rubies. Her husband is able to trust her and he does not lose anything because of her. The wife does good for her husband all the days of his life. She is industrious, provides for her household, is a good entrepreneur, she is strong and philanthropic and ensures that her household maintained. She is a wise woman who speaks kindly, she is not idle and her children consider her a blessing. Her husband also praises her and considers her to exceed other women. “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). This woman reaps the fruit of her hands and her own work speaks for her in her community.
Solomon spoke at other times in Proverbs about wives and encouraged men to enjoy the wives of their youth (Proverbs 5:18). Some of his other verses appear to offer advice about quarrelsome or nagging wives and he said that it was better to live in the corner of a roof than to live with one of them (Proverbs 21:9). He also wrote many love songs and poems about love and marriage in the Songs of Solomon. He didn’t offer a lot of advice about husbands in his writings and his advice seemed to focus on his experience of having many wives. Paul offered some advice to husbands in Ephesians 5:25, to love their wives, just as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her. This is after his advice to women to submit to their husbands as unto God, as he is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Paul further explained that the husband should love their wives as they love their own bodies. “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church” (Ephesians 5:29).
Men are called to leave their fathers and mothers, so that he can cling to his wife the two of them can become one flesh. This he is considered mysterious and is symbolic of Christ and the church. He reiterated his point to men to love their wives as much as he loves himself and the wife is to respect her husband. Peter gave instructions to wives to also submit to their husbands, so that even if he does not obey the word of God, that through observing his wife’s conduct, he will be won to Christ. He also gave instructions for women concerning dressing modestly and living with her husband in a manner which was similar to Sarah with Abraham. Peter’s instructions to husbands is to live with the wife with understanding, giving honor to the wife as the weaker vessel. He spoke of husbands being heirs together of the grace of life, so that his prayers will not be hindered.
The concepts of oneness, love, favor, honor, submission and respect are the hallmarks of marriage. Most people daydream about walking down the aisle, with the love of their lives and living in eternal bliss until the day they die. The reality of the experience of marriage isn’t the fairly tale romance that most people read about in books or watch on television. Satan struck his first attack against the institution of marriage in the garden and the man and woman have been blaming each other ever since then. I believe that if we truly live a life surrendered completely to God and submit our will and desires to him, then marriage can be enjoyed. From the point of choosing a partner to living with each other in understanding, with God at the centre, we can have success. I am aware that Christian marriages are seeing higher rates of divorce in our present times than historically.
I don’t have all of the answers for why many marriages fail, but some of the research suggests that poor communication, abuse, infidelity and difficulty in finances, are some of the major causes of marital problems. I think pre-marital counseling from a well established and a trained marriage counselor helps to set people up for a better marriage. Counseling and support during marriage is also a good investment. The idea that good marriages don’t need counseling and support is a misconception. Two people who are committed to working on their marriage, praying daily together and for each other are likely to have greater success. It is important for couples to invest in quality time together, doing things that they enjoy and also grow together in their marriage.
My own last bit of advice is to speak well of each other, whether you are in each other’s presence or when speaking to other people. Belittling, criticizing, comparing and name calling are damaging habits that chip away at the self esteem of each other. ''Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).
Questions for Reflection:
1. How have the current societal values and norms about relationships affected the church’s perception about marriage?
2. Should married couples access ongoing counseling and support to maintain their union?
3. What are some things that people need to consider before getting married?
