A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the mother who bore him- Proverbs 17:25 NASB 

In my last post I wrote about bitterness and the trouble it causes. Choosing to entertain a bitter spirit is the fast track to a life of misery, distance from God, loss of spiritual purpose and broken relationships.  

Bitterness is bad.  

Really bad. 

This is why God straight-up commands Christians to avoid bitterness at all costs (Hebrews 12:15, Ephesians 4:30-31). 

As I reflected on the turmoil bitterness inevitably produces, I found myself making a mental list of the multitude of things that cause folks to become bitter. It occurred to me (kind of out of nowhere) that I have written a lot on what bitterness does, but precious little about what causes bitterness. Then it occurred to me (kind of out of nowhere) that if someone understood the causes of bitterness it could go a long way in preventing bitterness in the lives of a lot of people. 

I would call that a major spiritual win and there is nothing I love nothing more than a major spiritual win.

Contrary to popular belief, the things that make people bitter do not always fly out of nowhere and smack us around. Sometimes they do (more on that later). However, there are also situations where bitterness is caused by our own choices and/or events that might have been avoided with a bit of foresight and a smidge of wisdom. The four things most likely to make a person bitter are:

Sin- 

Sin makes folks bitter. It just does. It does not matter if we are the ones sinning or we are the ones being sinned against. It doesn’t even matter if it the whole messy muddle was a mutual agreement to sin. Sin is the number one cause of human bitterness (Ecclesiastes 7:26). Sometimes, we are sinned against and there is little we can do to prevent feelings of bitterness. When this happens, we must ask God for the strength and power to forgive so fully that our bitterness dissolves. Forgiveness is hard, but it’s also essential because it is the only way to get free from the bondage of bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32, Matthew 6:15). That being said, anytime we knowingly place ourselves in a sinful situation, we run a high risk of making ourselves bitter.  Bitterness is just the natural consequence of sin.  All sin has the potential to produce bitterness. However, the sins most likely to create bitterness are sexual in nature. This is because these sins have far-reaching, sometimes even generational consequences (Ecclesiastes 7:26, Proverbs 5:3-5, Isaiah 5:20). The best way to avoid bitterness is to make a commitment to stay away from all forms of sexual immorality, including adultery, homosexuality, promiscuity and pornography. Nothing good will come from any of it. 

Totally foreseeable circumstances- 

 The best-known biblical admonition against bitterness begins with a “see to it” (Hebrews 12:15).  Anytime the New Testament begins some bit of instruction with a “see to it”, we are being told we have at least some agency in the situation (Luke 21:8, Colossians 2:8, Hebrews 12:25). Hebrews 12:15 is teaching that at least to some degree, some of the time, bitterness is avoidable. One critical aspect of preventing a bitter root is to avoid situations where we can look into the future and see there is a decent chance that we will become bitter towards the person or people involved if we don’t put an end to their antics quickly.  An example of this might be a woman offers to babysit her best friend’s child on Tuesday morning so her friend can run errands and get some “me time”.  In turn, the friend just assumes it’s okay to bring the child by EVERY Tuesday morning so she can run errands and get some “me time”. The woman who is taking advantage of the situation is obviously a source of bitterness. However, the kind-hearted woman who offered to babysit has an obligation to end the madness so that she does not become bitter towards her friend. Modern people call this “putting up boundaries”. It’s also bitterness prevention 101. 

Lack of wisdom and foresight- 

Wisdom is an undervalued commodity. Few people care about acquiring wisdom,  although everyone ought to. Wisdom is a protective force (Ecclesiastes 7:12, Proverbs 2:11-12, Proverbs 3:13-18). Wisdom provides safety, protection and it increases our odds of success in every arena. Wisdom also prevents bitterness. When a person is wise, they have foresight or prudence (Proverbs 1:3-5, Proverbs 8:12). Wise people have the ability to see around the corners of life (metaphorically speaking). This allows them to predict which situations or people will cause us them to become bitter. Anyone can get wisdom, all we have to do is ask for it (Proverbs 4:7, Proverbs 19:8, James 1:5-6).

And finally:

Evil people cause bitterness- 

Ultimately, evil people are also selfish people. Selfish people simply do not care about the hurt or turmoil they create. Consequently, evil people spread bitterness everywhere they go. Sadly, we live in a fallen world (Genesis 3, Romans 5:12), therefore avoiding evil people is not always a viable option (Matthew 18:7). However, we can choose to put evil people in the hands of God and trust Him to deal with them in His own way and time (Proverbs 3:5-6, 1st Peter 2:6). Choosing to trust God and believing in His goodness is the number one way to prevent bitterness.