Keep Telling Your Story, Please! - Divorce Minister

Skip to content

Telling the story of what happened is important if we want to change how people treat faithful spouses.

The larger narrative starts to change when people learn that their friend, colleague, or even family member was mistreated by a cheater. It changes because they are emotionally invested in you and your hurts matter to them. Obviously, this only works if they have empathy and truly care.

For the jaded:

Yes, some people really do care how faithful spouses are treated!

Yet sharing is hard.

I run a blog on these matters. However, I still feel icky bringing up the topic in conversation even years after running this blog and writing my book. It is hard.

But it is worth it.

Sure, some people do not receive the gift well. They push back with typical so called Christian responses like “needing to forgive,” “bitterness,” or some sort of “The Shared Responsibility Lie.”

That is fine. It does not change the fact that you courageously showed up. You gave them an opportunity to see you. It is on them if they choose to push you away with judgment and condemnation.

Please do not allow someone who cannot handle the gift to silence you. Your story needs to be heard. And it is your story!

Now, I don’t mean we have to share all the gory details full of colorful labels for our cheater. I am just saying that we need to come out of the shadows and be willing to be seen as someone who refuses to accept the silencing badge of shame for being cheated on.

Speaking up and being seen as a faithful spouse who survived a spouse’s infidelity is one real and tangible way we can start changing the world for good.

_____

*A version of this post ran previously.
Give

Subscribe to the Daybreak Devotions for Women

Be inspired by God's Word every day! Delivered to your inbox.


More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    New attention to looks! - Divorce Minister

    New attention to their appearance A telltale sign of cheating is a new found focus on one’s appearance. This might manifest via going on a diet, increased exercise routine, or changing hair colors and style. In and of itself, this does not equate to cheating. However, the motive behind these changes is worth considering. I … Continue reading "New attention to looks!"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    PSA: Use a different therapist than your Cheater's. - Divorce Minister

    Public Service Announcement(PSA): Use a different therapist than your Cheater’s individual therapist.* If this therapist was half competent, they would not even agree to work on you as a couple. They would recognize that they naturally would be biased against you, the faithful spouse. Plus, do you really want the therapist who was present through … Continue reading "PSA: Use a different therapist than your Cheater’s."

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    No, hanging out with Cheater is NOT okay! - Divorce Minister

    “I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.” -I Corinthians 5:11, NLT One of the many pains associated with discovering … Continue reading "No, hanging out with Cheater is NOT okay!"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Overflow from the heart - Divorce Minister

    21 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23 All these evils come from inside and defile a person. -Mark 7:21-23, NIV Cheating did not happen overnight. An idea was planted. The Cheater watered it, and it produced the rotten … Continue reading "Overflow from the heart"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    So, so many lies! - Divorce Minister

    “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” -John 8:43b, NIV What was true? Was anything? So many lies come out of the mouths of Cheaters. The spoken … Continue reading "So, so many lies!"

    2 min read

Editor's Picks

  • featureImage

    An Inspired Challenge for Wives This Father's Day - Today Can Be Different

    Consider asking your husband how you can pray for him each day. (If the father of your children doesn’t live with you, for whatever reason, remember to put him on your prayer list too.) Your husband wants nothing more than to succeed, but he probably struggles with issues he’s afraid to admit, even to himself. He may feel insecure about being a dad, especially if he didn’t have the benefit of a good role model. Or maybe he feels more like an understudy because he’s “only” a stepdad.

    3 min read
  • featureImage

    Knowing and Being Known

    Image generated by AI. April and I have started going to a church that is new to us. We agree with their philosophy of keeping faith in God simple. They preach Jesus and him crucified. When you sta…

    3 min read
  • featureImage

    Making Marriage Easier — Carol McLeod Ministries

    A Note from Carol: One of the greatest joys of my ministry is sharing voices that inspire and uplift with both passion and purpose. Today, I’m honored to introduce you to Arlene Pellicane—a gifted author, podcaster, and a tireless champion for families. Arlene shares her heart with us this week o

    6 min read

More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    New attention to looks! - Divorce Minister

    New attention to their appearance A telltale sign of cheating is a new found focus on one’s appearance. This might manifest via going on a diet, increased exercise routine, or changing hair colors and style. In and of itself, this does not equate to cheating. However, the motive behind these changes is worth considering. I … Continue reading "New attention to looks!"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    PSA: Use a different therapist than your Cheater's. - Divorce Minister

    Public Service Announcement(PSA): Use a different therapist than your Cheater’s individual therapist.* If this therapist was half competent, they would not even agree to work on you as a couple. They would recognize that they naturally would be biased against you, the faithful spouse. Plus, do you really want the therapist who was present through … Continue reading "PSA: Use a different therapist than your Cheater’s."

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    No, hanging out with Cheater is NOT okay! - Divorce Minister

    “I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.” -I Corinthians 5:11, NLT One of the many pains associated with discovering … Continue reading "No, hanging out with Cheater is NOT okay!"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Overflow from the heart - Divorce Minister

    21 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23 All these evils come from inside and defile a person. -Mark 7:21-23, NIV Cheating did not happen overnight. An idea was planted. The Cheater watered it, and it produced the rotten … Continue reading "Overflow from the heart"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    So, so many lies! - Divorce Minister

    “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” -John 8:43b, NIV What was true? Was anything? So many lies come out of the mouths of Cheaters. The spoken … Continue reading "So, so many lies!"

    2 min read