An Ephesians 5 Wife – Part 1

“Submit to one
another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the
Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the
church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
(Ephesians 5:21-24)

Just as I
needed to make some fundamental points clear for the husbands, so I also need
to be sure wives begin on common ground today. There are a couple of
things I want to make crystal clear before proceeding into this segment of
Paul’s letter. This is probably one of the most sensitive areas of
teaching in both the church and society today, and is an area of scripture that
has been misused, avoided, watered down, and debated. Our society has
come to a place where the spiritual principles taught here are diametrically
opposed to what the modern world thinks marriage and the man/woman relationship
should be.

So I’m going to say first of all, that to the very best of the ability God has
given me, and backed by more thought and study than I’ve done for any topic so
far, and I am prayerfully going to attempt to bring to you what the Spirit of
Christ has said through His Apostle. I don’t know how much of it you will
like. But how you receive and apply it will be between you and God.

Secondly, there will be people reading this who are not presently married or
have never been married. Some have been in a relationship that dissolved
and they are now alone. There are some whose spouses have passed away and
they don’t intend to marry again.

Having made
that observation, I want to say that the things you learn here will still
apply, because they teach much about the relationship between Christ and His
church, and therefore between Christ and the individual. And, they teach
things that you may one day be able to use in helping someone you know who is
married, or about to be married, and may be in need of some sound Christian
counsel concerning what the marriage union is all about.

Finally, I want
to ask the wives to pay careful attention to what you will read here, not
worrying about the man you live with and his problems. And please be
comforted by this; Paul addresses his advice to you, all in three verses.
When he speaks to husbands, he needs five verses.

As we read verse 22, the first thing that jumps out at most people is the call
for, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Today, one of the
most difficult concepts in God’s Word is biblical submission. The word submission
is not limited to wives alone. For example, Christians are to submit
themselves to each other (Ephesians 5:21), to government (Romans 13:1), and
unto God. (James 4:7) This is a frequent concept in the Bible, and
self-sacrifice is required in each circumstance. Submission takes
trust. Trust in your spouse and trust in God that He will be there to
help clean up some of the messes that husbands will get you into. Submission
is never glossed over to be seen as easy or even convenient. Instead, it
is viewed as service to God.

The Greek word
for submission means, “To subordinate…put under…” God encourages women
to voluntarily follow their husband’s leadership. (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter
3:1) A woman is expected to actively do this—choosing to put herself
under his leadership, choosing to be subordinate in a circumstance or
relationship. This is not something to be forced upon her.

I remember
asking my wife, Alice, to marry me. She had grown up under an abusive and
domineering father, who used selected Scripture to control his family,
especially the women. Alice assented, but said, “None of this submission
stuff! I want a partnership!” I agreed, knowing that a marriage
needs to be a partnership. After I gave my life completely to the Lord’s
service, she said to me, “I now understand the idea of Christian submission,
and I can follow your leadership because I know you are following Christ.”

A wife
shows submission to her husband when she allows him to take leadership in the
relationship. Submission to a husband does not mean a woman is to be a
slave in bondage to that man, but rather it is to be a mutual submission in
love. Verse 21 says we are “to submit to one another.” Submission
means “to yield or to set yourself under.” From this definition we see we
are to yield to one another instead of demanding our own way. Love should
be the rule in our homes, and we should “prefer one another.” Not only
should this be especially true in our homes, but in our church family as
well. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another
above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

His position as
leader is Biblical. (1 Corinthians 11:3) Abraham’s wife, Sarah, is an
example of a woman following her husband’s lead. (1 Peter 3:6) You would
never confuse Sarah with being a frail doormat. Peter notes that she was
not afraid in life. Submission should not be confused with a person being
weak. In the New Testament, Priscilla and Aquila worked as a team in
spreading the Gospel. Together, both were strong ambassadors for Christ.

Now, there are
several things I want to highlight in verses 23 and 24. The first is that
the husband is the head of the wife. Modern contemporary thought bristles
at this assertion as chauvinistic, old fashioned, small-minded, and probably a
few less socially acceptable words that I wouldn’t say here anyway.

And yet, the Holy Spirit says that the husband is the head of the wife.
So we will deal with it. Now notice, first off, Paul did not say “the man is
the head of the woman.” No. The man is not head of the woman.
Some may say I am nitpicking here, but I want to be clear in our
understanding. What Paul is talking about is that the husband/wife
relationship symbolizes Christ and the church.

Now, I’m going to make a statement, and I want you to please listen very
carefully to every word and try to understand me. The husband is the head
of the wife; her leader, her guide and protector in the marriage
relationship. As soon as he begins lording it over her as though superior
to her; as soon as he begins to mistreat her and bully her emotionally, physically,
sexually, then he steps out of that husband/wife relationship and begins to be
her head and ruler as man over woman. At that point the type of Christ
and the church has been abandoned, the union ceases to be scriptural-based and
managed, the man has over-stepped the bounds of his authority, and therefore
surrendered his right to ask God’s blessing on his leadership of the home.

Wives, you are
instructed by the Holy Spirit, to submit to your own husband, as to the
Lord. Not that he is your lord, but as you are subject to the Lord Jesus,
so you are to be to your own husband as the one God has given you for guidance,
leadership, and protection. He cannot properly fulfill his role as your
husband, if you will not submit to him as wife to husband. And even the
strongest leader cannot lead if he has no followers.

Now, this does
not mean that you have to bow to his every stupid whim. When there’s two
hundred and fifty dollars in the bank account, and the rent is due, and he
wants to buy a two hundred and ten dollar video game, you are not required by
scripture to let him go out and buy it. I’ll even go further and say if he
comes home with it, you will not violate this command of scripture if you send
him right back to the store for a refund.

Let me state very simply where the boundaries are. In so far as his
action toward you, and interaction with you, fall within the scope of his being
the protector of your body, soul, and home, you must submit to him.
That’s what I see Paul teaching you to do.

That can cover some decisions concerning management of a household, where you
will go when alone and what time of day, business decisions, and vocational
changes; it can cover a lot of your daily life together. Not just
protecting you from muggers or from vehicle accidents. As decisions have to be
made or actions taken that in any way take into consideration what is best,
safest, and most profitable for you; that build you up and honor you, and lead
you more closely to the Lord, and he is honestly, before God, attempting to
fulfill his role and his duties in that role, you must submit to him, as to the
Lord Jesus.

All through the
scriptures, which are God’s laws, His reactions toward men who fail to fulfill
their proper role and duty toward their women, clearly put forth the message
that God expects the man to be the woman’s protector and spiritual leader.

In addition to that, there is the natural inclination in men, generally, to be
protective of the weaker sex. When they are not, when the inclination is
not there, we see that as a problem. A short-coming. Maybe even
cowardice.

Now, I’m going
to stop here until next week when we will finish up with An Ephesians 5 Wife –
part 2.

On closing, let
me just say that, Christian marriages need to renew their commitment to the
principles of unconditional love and mutual submission in Christ. Three
major reasons for break-ups today are arguments over religion, money and poor
communication. When a husband unconditionally demonstrates loving affection
to his wife, and a wife freely submits to her husband, then there is true
love. In the Lord, difficulties over money and other intimate matters can
be dealt with in a Christ-like manner, always maintaining mutual respect and a
life-long commitment.

I’m always
interested in your thoughts on these posts, so please feel free to comment in
the section below. See you next week, and may God bless you!

Don’t miss out on the complete marriage series:
What is a Christian Marriage – Part 1
What is a Christian Marriage Part 2
An Ephesians 5 Husband – Part 1
An Ephesians 5 Husband – Part 2