This is a classic move by Cheaters. They convince the pastor or other helper to focus upon the faithful spouse and their so called “shortcomings.” The faithful spouse takes the hit as they might be terrified of the marriage ending.

It is unhelpful and abusive, in my opinion.

While I suspect we all have “shortcomings” to overcome, that is not the real issue for such marriages. The real issue is the CHEATING and LYING!

All the focus on the supposed “shortcomings” of the faithful spouse implies that they deserved the infidelity abuse. This is vile. No one deserves such abusive treatment!

My hope is more pastors and others reading this will wise up to this tactic. It is a horrible experience being on the receiving end of this.

The faithful spouse is in a very vulnerable place following infidelity discovery. They need competent care that won’t permit Cheaters to shift blame or change the subject when it comes to their abusive behavior. Don’t take the bait.

If the Cheater refuses to return after being held accountable in a session, then you already have your answer about how sorry or committed they were to actually repenting–i.e. not at all.