Lessons learnt from a breakup.
Good day beautiful people, I hope that this post meets you and your loved ones well? It’s been a very long while since I’ve shared my experience as a Christian single woman with the WordPress community and I do have some updates I’d like to fill you in on. The reason I choose to tell others about my experiences is so that those who read my content leave my social media platform feeling encouraged by looking to God’s Word. I want people to avoid making the mistakes that I’ve made by keeping Jesus at the centre and by obeying His instructions. Do not ignore personal convitions, neither should you block out the Holy Spirit’s tender whisper only for temporary gratification which leads to harm/destruction in the end.
Philippians 4:19 ~ And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
So, I did end up going on a date before my 30th birthday came around but looking back in all honesty this did not give me true satisfaction. But I have gained true contentment from coming to the realisation that God truly cares for me and has the ability and the power to take care of me and supply my needs. God opened my eyes to all the wonderful blessings which He had placed around me and now I’m at a point in my life where I wake up every morning with a grateful heart because I’m so thankful to be alive and that I have the ability to take a big breath in. (I know the simple things in life make me very happy). Long story short things did not work out and I felt frustrated that I allowed my time to be wasted. But then I was reminded by my family members that others can learn from my experience which filled my heart with an element of gladness. I also learnt a lot about myself in that time, I discovered things that I liked and did not like. I am also better able to identify habits/behaviours that are harmful. And trust me ladies when I say this just because a man is over 6 foot tall doesn’t mean that your relationship will bring you a great sense of peace, joy and or fulfilment (we find all that in Christ). If this quality is what you think will make a relationship work or make it fulfilling, you’ll be highly disappointed.
Now, today I’d like to share 5 things which I believe are important qualities to look out for when courting/looking for a godly spouse. I’d encourage you to make your own too, the list I have is not exhaustive and there are some things I’ve chosen to keep to myself for now, who knows maybe at a later date I’ll share them with you all. A Christ centred relationship requires two people to work together rather than compete against each other. A godly marriage involves choosing to sacrifice for your loved one by putting their needs before your own. It’s about serving others. As mentioned earlier this list is not exhaustive and it is important that you pray to the Holy Spirit to guide you when it comes to choosing a spouse.
Ephesians 5:24-25 ~ “As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her”
1 John 3:16 ~ “We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.”
[Side-note: I believe these attributes can be applied to both males and females. Also I too intend on holding myself accountable to the standards listed below].
The list
1)Truthful: A man of integrity who doesn’t lie or exaggerate. A man who doesn’t hide truths and doesn’t omit vital information about his life. I believe it is important for a person to be true to their word. Simply put their words should match their actions. A man who follows through and doesn’t make empty promises. I am aware that we all fall short and we don’t always keep our promises but when this becomes a pattern it is something to be concerned about. Also lying is a sin.
Matthew 5:33-37 ~ “You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the Lord.’ But I say, do not make any vows! Do not say, ‘By heaven!’ because heaven is God’s throne. And do not say, ‘By the earth!’ because the earth is his footstool. And do not say, ‘By Jerusalem!’ for Jerusalem is the city of the great King. Do not even say, ‘By my head!’ for you can’t turn one hair white or black. Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.”
2)A man who has accountability: I want to know his mentors. People who are older who can help guide and loving correct him. This is necessary in building a healthy marriage. You need to be surrounded by the right people. Community is important. I want to be reassured that when troubles come he has authority over him people who he respects and are able to speak words of wisdom to him so our marriage can flourish. I don’t want a man that thinks he’s always right (I know we like to believe we are always right including myself but this is far from reality). I want to meet and connect with his family and have a healthy relationship with them whilst maintaining healthy boundaries with them too. A man who is submitted to the authority of God.
Proverbs 11:14 ~ Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
Proverbs 15:22 ~ Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.
Proverbs 29:1 ~ Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.
3)A man who is committed to a church: I do not want to get romantically involved with a man who isn’t committed to ONE church. I don’t like the idea of church shopping (basically not committing to serving in a place and just focusing on what you can get before moving on). I desire to marry a man who is committed to a church and serves within his church. Now do not get me wrong I do understand that God calls people to be missionary’s or church planters but even in such cases they are accountable to a church body or leaders as well as God. When people don’t have a home church it is easy for them to get lost in the crowd and hide away so no one truly knows them. Yet again I must mention that accountability is vital, if a person invites you to their ‘home’ church and absolutely no one can tell you anything about them it is a concern. It makes it easier for someone to hide their flaws. I am also aware that people may be new to a church/community so that would be something to take into consideration.
4)A man with direction: I’m not saying he should have everything together. But at least have a plan and know where he is heading and be actively headed in that direction (he’s started the process and is not all talk and no action). Basically not lazy. We can grow together and face obstacles together and overcome with the help of the Holy Spirit.
James 2:26 ~ “Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.”
Proverbs 21:5 ~ “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.”
5)Emotionally, spiritually and financially stable: In the right headspace for marriage (NOT A TIME WASTER). Someone who does not become insecure because of other people’s success. Someone who knows who they are in Christ and will not put me down or belittle me. I do not want a man who is jealous of my achievements. Someone who does not abuse their power. I do not want a man who will try to manipulate me into disregarding my own boundaries (personal convictions) but will encourage us to pursue holiness, righteousness and purity. Someone who believes that sex is reserved for marriage and practically obeys God’s instructions concerning sex. Now, with regards to financial stability I’m not expressing that my future husband must be a millionaire, but what I do desire is for him to be a good steward of the things which God gives him. I also believe that it’s important not to have any addictions such as gambling or pornography which destroys families.
Psalm 119:9 ~ How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word.
Proverbs 13:11 ~ “Wealth from get-rich-quick schemes quickly disappears; wealth from hard work grows over time.”
I hope you enjoyed today’s read and can take something away from this discussion. Please do share any suggestions or feedback you may have on this topic. As mentioned before I am holding myself to the same standard. No one is perfect and we all have specific areas in our life which we need to work on which is why it’s always important to seek God for counsel and consult Him before making any decisions. Remember there is no love like the love of God.
Proverbs 3:5-6 ~ “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
Love from
Christian Lady After God’s Own Heart 💜
