New York Times Bestselling Author Stasi Eldredge on Discovering the Love We've Been Made For

Author Stasi Eldredge | Photo image courtesy Impossible Beauty
One of the greatest barriers to intimacy with God has traditionally been the false beliefs about ourselves that we carry. Unfortunately, the wounds, disappointments, fears, and false beliefs can radically alter who God intended us to be.

In her latest book, The Ladder of Love, New York Times bestselling author Stasi Eldredge invites readers to recognize these barriers and discover how God’s love can bring healing, freedom, and a deeper intimacy with Him.

I recently sat down with Eldredge to discuss how to move beyond simply knowing about God to how to best experience Him personally, and how this renewed relationship transforms the way we see ourselves and the world around us.

For every author, there always seems to be a moment where you say to yourself, “I have to write this book! It is non-negotiable!” For The Ladder of Love, was there a moment like that for you?

This is a great question. This is actually the passion of my life. For the last 30 years, I've just been devoted to wanting to be in the presence of God, to love Him, and to know Him. And that has changed my life in such a dramatic way that that's what I want to invite everybody else on the planet to. But for this book, I literally woke up one morning and God had dropped it in my lap. The title, the topic, and where we wanted to go. And I went, "I have to write this book. It's a gift. It feels straight from Him to my heart and then back to Him, and then to every person that He wants to read it or listen to it."

This book has an interesting and intriguing title. It’s even a little bit mysterious. What does the metaphor of The Ladder of Love represent?

A ladder in the natural realm, needs to be on a firm foundation before you're able to climb it. It’s the same with the spiritual realm. Our firm foundation is Jesus Christ, and we're rooted and grounded on Him and on his Word. And then you come to know Him increasingly over your life. With a natural ladder, you step on the bottom rung. For us in the spiritual realm, I have that first rung as clay, as we are formed by our God with intentionality. And then we climb up higher. The next rung would be sheep. We are the people. We are like this flock in getting to know Him as our good shepherd. But as we ascend, we don't lose the bottom rungs. You are always clay. You are never going to not be clay.

He is forming you for the rest of your life. And you are never not going to be a sheep that is learning more to hear His voice, to recognize Him, follow Him, and be protected by Him. But there is more. All throughout Scripture, God uses metaphors to describe our relationship with Him. And they ascend in intimacy and are in close proximity to Him. And that's where we're ascending up the ladder. Never losing these components, but not wanting to get stuck on anyone and miss out on the fullness of His multifaceted nature and our relationship with Him.

I'm glad you mentioned the term intimacy. How would you define spiritual intimacy, and why do so many believers struggle to experience it?

Intimacy can be a triggering word. It's about union with Christ, which is what Jesus prayed for in His great priestly prayer in John 17, that they may be one as we are one. We're meant to be intertwined and close to know each other the way that you know the person that's closest to you in your life. Whether that's a best friend, a spouse, or a sibling, to really know God is what He desires for us and to know Him by experience. That's the invitation. And He's always saying, come closer, come closer. The truth is, that spiritual ladder has no limits. We will be coming to know God throughout all eternity more and more deeply.

Speaking of knowing God, what is the difference between knowing about God and experiencing God?

There are the facts and then there's the experience. I was thinking about how you can know a lot about the ocean. I could tell you a lot of facts about it or you can jump in it. And one is going to be interesting, but the other is going to be transformational. So that's the invitation. God says in Hosea, “You will know the Lord. You will bow to Him, and know Him.” It's an experiential knowing that transforms your heart, your life, so that you love Him in return. In John, it says, “This is eternal life that you know the Lord.” This is everything. We don't want just to know of or about Him. We really want to know Him in a personal way that we know His voice, we recognize Him, and we sense His presence. We live in union and oneness with Him and that is transformational.

What are some of the most common barriers that keep people from experiencing God's love personally?

It's hard, but I think the main thing is feeling like they're not worthy of being loved. Nobody gets through this life unscathed. We live in a broken world. It's a fallen world with broken, wounded people and harm comes to all of us. So, we learn love. We learn it wrong. There's ways that we learned it rightly and it's fabulous, but there's always going to be a little place where we've learned it wrong. It can cause us self-contempt if people have named us something or we have named ourselves things that are ugly from our own story. Things we have done or things that have been done to us. And it brings shame. It can bring self-hatred and self-rejection. When you're in that place, you keep your distance. It's just difficult to think that we know our own failings better than anybody else. And in that place to go, wait, what? On my worst day, God loves me beyond telling. That can be a leap to take without a revelation from Jesus and an intervention of His spirit.

Why do you believe many Christians settle for knowing about God rather than truly knowing Him?

I have my thoughts on that. I bet you do too. My merciful thought is that they don't know there's more available. I think that's really the widest one. They haven't been taught. They haven't been invited in. So many Christians can settle on believing that what's most wanted from them is a life of duty, obedience, and obligation. Obedience is a beautiful thing, but only when it really flows from a heart of love, when it's in response to being loved. That's what we're after. So, I think they don't know it's available, it's not for them, or they don't want to take the journey because they're afraid of what it's going to cost. Or their own unhealed hearts that they don't know yet. But that’s why Jesus came, to heal the broken heart and to set the captives free.

How can readers begin cultivating a more experiential faith in practical ways?

That's so good. The first way is to want it. They have to want it. And then draw near to God. “Draw near to me and I will draw near to you,” He says. And I know that can be frustrating for some people that go, "I'm drawing near. I'm doing all I can. What else do I do?" Well, there is more. You need to make Him the priority of your life. In the book, I go into some very practical ways. And also, at the end of each chapter, I provide guided prayers, that are guided meditations to hold the reader or the listener's hand through and into an encounter with and an experience with Jesus. It really just involves getting still. Being quiet before the Lord, making Him the priority, which is going to be reflected in your schedule. For me, it's written down in my calendar. I have to have it in my calendar. Time with Jesus. It's marked out and nobody else gets that time. And then to just tell Him your desire. Get quiet, breathe, become aware of your own body, your own presence, and for the Holy Spirit's help to help me dial into You within me. To recognize that Christ has made His home within us, that He's very close. We're not shouting to God in the heavens. We're talking to Jesus who now resides in our hearts. He has taken up residence there. So, it's turning inwards. It's finding Him there and, and asking for the Holy Spirit's help.

Final question for you. As you were writing this book, what valuable lessons did God teach you in your own journey of faith that you could share with others?

Oh, that's good. This is actually something I'm still learning and it's so beautiful. I think I would've learned it by now. I've been a serious follower of Christ for more than 40 years. But it's that His love and acceptance isn't something I have to strive for or earn. It's something that He invites me to rest in, believe, and receive. I have this sign up that says on my refrigerator, "You don't have to be amazing.” The truth is I want to be amazing. I want to come through for people. But I'm not the amazing one. Jesus is the amazing one. So, it's that. It's the position of rest, and yielding to Him.

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To Purchase Stasi Eldredge's Latest Book, The Ladder of Love:

Listen to Stasi Eldredge on Her Podcast, Captivated:

Watch Session One from Stasi Eldredge's Bible Study series for The Ladder of Love: