The Nicest Person Ever. But A Horrible Friend.
I was said to be one of the nicest person ever but I was a horrible friend for years. And I had no clue.
Let me share the back story. A few years ago, when my corporate and church career were just taking off, my friends from other spheres of my life often invited me to events and gatherings. I’d decline the invite or cancel at the last minute as the demands of church, my job, and the needs of my boss and clients got the best of me.
After a time, my friends stopped inviting me to stuff. And I noticed. To be honest, I felt a bit hurt by it, but I also didn’t believe they stopped inviting me without reason. Looking back, I couldn’t blame them. Who would keep inviting someone who never prioritized them enough to actually show up and just be there?
Make no mistake. I love my friends, but my lack of boundaries around church and work meant I had very little time for them. Eventually, it got to the point where I felt so disconnected from them that even when we hung out as a group, I felt like an outsider… through no fault of theirs.
I recently reconnected with several persons from that friend group as I got even more intentional about stewarding my relationships. And we moved forward without addressing the past… until I had an epiphany about how bad a friend I had been. It all started with a Taylor Swift rabbit hole.
I came across a Swiftie concert clip of a song I hadn’t heard since my teens. Feeling nostalgic, I headed to YouTube to listen and put on an entire concert as I made dinner. As I belted out the lyrics to “That was the moment I knew,” the meaning of that song changed for me. It shifted from a girl singing about being stood up at her 21st birthday party by her boyfriend… to me, standing up my friends time and time again.
As memory after memory flooded my mind, tears filled my eyes as remorse filled my heart. Moments when I should have been there to support my friends. To celebrate with my friends. To show up for my friends. To just be there, but I wasn’t.
I realized immediately that I owed each friend from that group an apology for neglecting them time and time again. I got busy mending fences and had some of the most beautifully tearful moments of forgiveness and reconciliation with people who mean a great deal to me.
As I traverse this season of my life, I realize something important when it comes to relationships. My former people-pleasing tendencies and lack of boundaries almost robbed me of people who are still meant to be in my life. And who should have been a part of my life during some critical seasons where I felt alone and like I had no one I could depend on or who would understand what I was dealing with.
That moment in my kitchen was the first time it really hit me. I rejected the people I loved and neglected relationships that matter to me every time I overcompensated and overcommitted myself because I feared being rejected or being found lacking in other areas of my life. That behavior cost me dearly in ways I never comprehended. It cost me the tribe and community I never set aside the time and space to sow into.
It suddenly made sense why, in this season, where I am valuing those relationships & community as I respect my boundaries, I felt this pull to reconnect with some people and even apologize where necessary. It was time to restore what I let slip away due to my short-sighted, single-minded people-pleasing ways. I may have stewarded my profession and church life well, but I never really considered how the neglect of my boundaries when it came to work and church rippled out to other areas of my life.
It cost me a lot. Too much. As it does you, my friend. Every time you people-please or overcompensate in one area of your life, it costs you in another area. It may look like a fair or inconsequential exchange now, but the true value of what you lost will be pretty clear later.
Finally, as I apologized to my friends, one said something to me: “It’s okay because I understand that you were life-ing.” And while she was correct, it was not an excuse or coup-out I was willing to take. Life happens. We get busy. But we can still make time for our relationships. For our health. For our growth. For our gifts. For the other areas of our lives. We may not always be able to give 100% or even 50%, but consistently giving 0% to the things and people we care about is definitely not enough. That lack of stewardship comes back to bite you solidly in the butt in the future.
The Point? I assure you there is one… 🙂
Mishandling your relationships due to people-pleasing or poor boundaries in other areas of your life has a heavy price to pay. My dear friend, there is safety, healing, and growth to be found in a community filled with the right people. Don’t mismanage the gift of people that God gave you. Your life, future, joy, and peace of mind depend on it.
Thank you for stopping by. I would love to hear from you. How do you steward your relationships in the busy seasons of your life? Tell me in the comments section, below. 🙂
If you feel stuck and dissatisfied because you have been wearing a mask all your life and striving to be what everyone expects of you? My new book “In Search of the Pink Flamingo” is perfect for you. I’m blessed to share my journey and give you the keys you can use so the Lord can free you from the weight of everyone’s expectations and give you the confidence to ditch timidity and own your voice. The book is available on all online platforms, and whereever books are solid in your local community (just pop into your local bookstore and ask them to source it). Join the Pink Flamingo Movement here.
I would love to pray with you. If you have a prayer request, drop me an email here or at discoverbydesign@outlook.com.
“May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favour and give you peace” – Numbers 6: 23-26
XOXO
Chañel
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Chañel Robe View All →
As a 2x burnout survivor & former people-pleaser, I am a speaker, author & passionate advocate for serving others while honoring yourself. I’m the owner of The Robe Way & an authority on achieving customer success with less work. I help business owners run profitable, impactful businesses & maintain client relationships without sacrificing personal boundaries or quality of life. On a regular day, you’ll find me traveling, belting out random songs, smiling contagiously, or lifting others up.
