What are the signs of being manipulative?

Am I being manipulative? Have you ever asked yourself if you are manipulating other people around you?

Being manipulative is another toxic behavior that we must be aware of. We may know someone who is trying to control others. But, we may not be aware that we are also manipulating others with our behavior.

Why do we need to know if we are being manipulative or not? 

As part of our growth, we must see our shortcomings that may affect others. To be fruitful in our spiritual development, we need to know if we are being a “stumbling block” to others that hinders them from knowing Jesus. 

Moreover, many people think the church is manipulative in controlling our lives. However, we must understand that the church’s role is to tell us what we must remove or correct to demonstrate who Jesus is toward others.

What is being manipulative?

First, let us identify what it means to be manipulative. It describes someone who uses lies and indirect methods to get someone to say or do something they want. They use threats to control others without directly telling them to do anything.

In addition, they use their emotions in the forefront to get what they want. Besides, they do not care whether or not their actions are healthy for others, like their romantic partner, family members, friends, or churchmates.

More importantly, manipulators do not realize what they are doing.

Signs that you are being manipulative?

So, am I being manipulative? How do I know if I am manipulating other people around me? 

Here are some signs or situations to determine whether you are manipulative.

Making others feel bad

If you are someone who always tries to make other people feel bad, then you are probably a manipulator. It is like doing things that could hurt others, then when they respond poorly, you would take it against them, and they should be the ones to blame.

More so, you act like you are always the “victim” when others try to correct you or point out your mistakes. You do not pause or stop to realize whether the problem lies with you. For a manipulator, they immediately put all the blame at someone else’s feet. 

Besides, you see nothing wrong with refusing accountability for your behaviors while forcing others to take ownership of theirs.

No respect for boundaries

Manipulators are not getting tired of going after what they want without getting worried about who they might hurt along the way. They would leach off the emotions of others and ignore their need for privacy or personal space.

Furthermore, dealing with manipulators could be draining, demeaning, and unhealthy for your mental wellness.

Also, being manipulative means not asking for someone’s permission, whether they are disturbing your peace or not, as long as they get what they want.

Justifying their behavior

When others are trying to correct you, do you make reasons your way out and make it seem that you are doing what is right? Well, it is another sign of being manipulative. 

Even if they are doing wrong, they will go out of their way to make it seem like they are right. They are ready for arguments to rationalize their behavior. Sometimes, they will point out others doing the same thing as their excuse for doing such actions. 

A manipulative person creates an exhausting cycle of cheating and disharmony.

Actions and words are different

Being manipulative is being a master of gaslighting, emotional abuse that makes people question your beliefs and ideas of reality. It is a quality that dictators, abusers, and cult leaders share. 

As a result, manipulative people know that confusion weakens people and use it for their good. Most of the time, their actions do not align with what they are saying. Nevertheless, when people point out their dishonesty, they regard them as irrational or crazy.

Overly persuasive

Do you find yourself persuading others to do what you want or behave a certain way? Manipulative people can be very persuasive and understand the mental techniques that can wear people down.

Moreover, they are very good at making excuses to make others believe and follow their desires. 

Using flattery words

Love-bombing is what a manipulator does. They overwhelm people with flattery and attention. They say nice things to people without sincerity to get their attention and make them feel wanted. 

However, despite the nice words, they are not genuinely happy about other people’s success and feel they are better than them. Manipulative people love competing with other people without admitting that they are.

Thus, they make people feel good and lucky to hide their true feelings.

Talking about others behind their back

Manipulators think they are the star of a movie, and others who oppose their opinions or behaviors are villains. It is called a smear campaign for others to believe you are rejecting them without any reason.

Do you often talk about others behind their back and act like you are the victim? It could be a sign of being a manipulative person.

What should I do if I am being manipulative?

That is the first significant step if you see yourself being manipulative or have the possibility of being a manipulator and want to change. It is acknowledging that you have been manipulative. People cannot change without an acceptance that they are wrong. 

The good thing is that God will forgive and change your behavior once you repent and allow Him to change you. 

Secondly, you need to know the reason behind your manipulative behavior. It could result from your experience, or someone might have caused your insecurities. To heal from brokenness, you must first know the cause of your pain.

Additionally, learn to listen and follow other people’s advice, like your pastor, friends, or parents. Know that you are not all-knowing and need maturity to tell you what is right or not for your good. Do not take it against them when they are pointing out your mistakes.

On the other hand, since being manipulative becomes habitual, it could be challenging for you to change. However, the more you continue to humble before the Lord, you will see progress little by little.

God is not a manipulator

Remember that God never uses His power to manipulate or get what He wants from us. He did not take advantage of others for His benefit. Instead, He uses love and makes people fall in love with Him for them to obey Him. 

Besides, God never forces anyone to do His will despite having the power to do so. God’s words and promises are authentic and genuine. He does not use flattery words but is true to what He says. God never deceives anyone to get what He wants.

If God is not a manipulator and wants to follow Him, we should stop our manipulative behaviors, for He is not pleased with manipulations and lies.

Leviticus 25:17 says, “Do not take advantage of each other but fear your God. I am the LORD your God.” 

If we want to honor God, we should not take advantage of anyone, and being manipulative does not please the Lord. Being manipulative hinders us from becoming who God wants us to be and destroys our relationship with other people.