First-time parents: What should be my parenting style

As first-time parents, we may have heard tips on becoming a parent to our children. However, as Christians, what should be our style of parenting?

When we become parents, it gives an undefined sense of joy and a great responsibility for raising our kids.

We may feel worried if we are doing the right thing to ensure they will become a good person when they grow up.

With many changes happening in this generation, we parents should also know how to raise our children effectively.

Also, we should know how we could be Christ’s partners in raising kids that would be His followers.

More importantly, we parents should understand that our job is not just to feed and send them to school, but to also give them shelter.

Parents are more than our mundane tasks for them and our marriage.

God has called us to become His image to these kids so they can learn to love and live for Christ as they grow up

Four kinds of parenting style based on research

Reuben Hill, a sociologist, researched thousands of teens and parents in Minnesota. He found four primary parenting styles that produced various impacts on kids.

Here are the four types of parenting styles based on Hill’s study.

Permissive Parent

Permissive parents are high in their affection but low in the discipline. The study depicted that these types of parents could produce kids with very low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority. 

Even though their parents demonstrate so much love, the lack of limitations leaves them with a high level of insecurity.

Permissive parents are generally afraid of destroying their children’s psyches. Thus, they never set boundaries.

Neglectful parents

Hill regarded this kind of parenting as the worst of all four combinations. Parents do not express much love or care enough to discipline their children.

As a result, they would grow up with little or no lasting connections with their parents.

Neglectful parents may not necessarily be international but could still be victims of their traumas and chaos. They could be involved in addiction or abusive circumstances.

Although they do not intentionally want to neglect their kids, it leaves them with deep emotional pain.

For this parenting style, their only hope is to find Jesus and be surrounded by Believers like the church community. 

Authoritarian parent

Authoritarian Parents are much more focused on giving discipline than expressing their love for their kids. Studies show that they could raise kids who are provoked into rebellion. 

Besides, they always have “musts” rules, so there is a strong sense of safety. However, this parenting style is not satisfied with winning the war but with every battle.

Usually, their communication with their children is through arguments and fights.

Additionally, they squeeze their kids until their children cannot wait to leave home and rebel as soon as they do. 

Paul emphasized to the Ephesians that they should not overcorrect their kids and exasperate them. Thus, they would accept the faith they have, based on Ephesians 6:4.

Authoritative parent

Parents using the Authoritative style do not overbear their authority but a compassionate yet firm authority for their children. 

Furthermore, they have clear boundaries for their kids and show love for them. Everyone at home knows who is the “boss,” but they also have a bonding between parents and child. 

In this parenting style, parents must respect and honor a child who is not abiding by their disciplinary needs. With this style, the children could have high self-esteem and be trained with good coping skills.

What should be my parenting style as a first-time parent

How we raise and nurture our kids will significantly impact them once they become adults. The style we choose could be passed down to the next generation. 

Thus, we must know what some Christ-centered styles of parenting are.

Here are some practical parenting styles to help us start our journey of parenthood.

Set Jesus Christ as the foundation

The most significant style of parenting should be rooted in Jesus Christ. Whatever decisions we make as parents, we should model Him and depend on Him. 

We should teach our children their identity in Jesus to boost their self-esteem to face the world.

When they know who they are in Christ as young as they are, they will not seek any validation from the world but only from God.

As kids, they should know that they belong to God and He created Him for Him and through Him, as per Colossians 1:16.

Talk about Jesus at home

The Bible says in Deuteronomy 6 that parents should impress their love on their children. They should talk about them when they sit at home and walk along the road. 

In addition, they should talk about them when they lie down and get up. Bedtime stories for kids are good opportunities to tell stories about Jesus Christ and other stories in the Bible. 

We should also teach them how to pray. As they say, a family that prays together, stays forever.

Instead of letting your children watch YouTube videos for children, they can at least spend time talking about God. In this way, they could discover Jesus and His commands as young as they are.

Also, it is a great chance to bond with your kids.

Be a role model

Children are good observers rather than listeners. They follow what you do more than listen to what you say. As much as possible, practice the fruit of the Spirit at home.

Instead of just telling them to love and respect, we must first show them how to love and care. Our kids observe how you talk to each other and even your actions. 

Practically speaking, we cannot tell our kids not to smoke or drink alcohol when doing it.

Also, we cannot tell our kids not to shout at their mother when you, as the husband, are screaming at your wife. 

Be a trusted friend

As parents, we should create a safe place for our kids to be open to everything they feel. Although we have authority over them, we should also make them think we can be friends.

As young as they are, we could establish an atmosphere of friendship. Be the parents whom they could tell you about their crush or why they are upset, without you judging them.

In this way, they would trust you and feel safe to open up once they face their adolescent period and become an adult. 

Combine correction and instruction

Give rules as parents and make them understand why you need to implement particular rules and regulations at home. 

God gives rules for His children to follow and reward them for being obedient child. We should also follow God’s parenting style, we integrate instruction and correction. 

Our kids should not only know what they should expect but how to do it. More importantly, they should understand the reason behind those rules. 

Moreover, they should understand why obedience matters to God and to you as their parents. 

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

There is no perfect way of parenting unless we include God in the picture. As we continue to obey Him as our Heavenly Father, we could be role models on how to be an obedient children to our kids.